Tackling my Debt and Simplifying My Life

[Deleted User]

HELP!!!!

I am suffering a bit of a crisis in my simplifying journey. I have always been honest in this diary, so although I feel a bit ashamed of my feelings, I hope that all you supportive friends here can point me in the right direction.

I often read back my early posts to remind me how I got into debt, depression, low self esteem. I know this sounds a bit deep but this is all related to what's going on now because my spending is very much related how I feel.

My debt problems worsened about 7yrs ago, around the time I started my current job. The people I work with are lovely but are quite materialistic and superficial (I feel very bad saying this cause they are a nice gang), however, being a few years older than me, they have no debts and have paid off mortgages, have grown up children etc. I have always gone on the nights out, weekends away, shopping trips etc to fit in and feel accepted, and over the years we have had some great times, unfortunately it has been to the detrement of my credit card.

I have had a couple of LBMs in past few years and have tried to be sensible and say no to the trips, nights out etc. However I have always failed quest to be debt free cause I have given up my MSE ways to be part of the gang again. I know I sound so childish don't I?

When I started again this time, I was determined to be strong and think of my family and clear these bloody debts - and finally stop feeling I have to keep up in order to fit in. I did well, declining the Christmas nights out and shopping days to Bath etc.

However although my friends are lovely and did arrange a cheap lunch meal (I finally told them about some of my debts - although not all), I have felt 'out of the gang' and isolated. So, I have stupidly ended up to committing to a spa day next month £50, and Ascot ladies day in June £100!!!!! Am I mad??? I wish I could bloody stand up for myself and say I don't even like horseracing and have no interest in Ascot but I don't want to be left out - god I sound so childish and I'm ashamed to admit these feelings especially when I read diaries of people here who are in debt cause of no fault of their own.

Its getting to the point where I'm even thinking of moving jobs just to avoid not fitting in.

Would love to hear any advice, I know I need to stay strong, think about my future and aim of being debt free. Does anyone else have this problem and how have they conquered it? I think its a self esteem issue that I hate feeling left out and lonely.

Or, tell me to belt up - just hope everyone doesn't hate me for this post. I am sure I will be on the straight and narrow again soon.

GLx

Scuff

Hey GL, hope you're okay. First of all no-one will hate you for your own feelings, it's your diary to do with as you please, and the grand majority of people are here to support you, both in your ups and downs. So don't be worrying about that for one

I'm probably not the best person to be dishing out advice, and as I'm sure you're aware I'm still struggling with getting into my debts, but my advice would be this: If you don't want to do whatever is suggested - for example ladies' day (for the activity not the social aspect) then don't go spending the £100 to do it, because in the long run (if personal experience is anything to go by) you won't enjoy it as you'll be worrying about what the money could be going towards rather than enjoying the day out. But I also believe that while 'treats' should be kept to a minimum, going completely cold turkey long term will potentially do nothing but dishearten you and make you miserable, once the excitement of the debt figure dropping fades. The only thing is you need to be strong enough to know you wont continue on a downward spiral (I know I'm not yet!) and also be aware that your real friends love you whether you have a million pounds or nothing at all.

I do understand what you mean about feeling left out though, maybe an activity that's low cost without appearing budget (I'm thinking of ideas but I'll have to come back to you on that one )

Keep smiling, you've done brilliantly so far (and sorry for the potentially megapost!) xx

eco_farmer

+1 to the above post. there have to be moments along the way,things to aim at moments to savoiur . i have followed your dairy for a while know and i have no doubt you will get to where you want because you know where you are going! a couple of diversions along the way won't stop you they may even inspire you :j. Go and enjoy in the knowledge you have a plan and they don't!

eco

Julie67

Hi Goodlife,

Thanks for the pm. I'm back. We landed on Friday morning. To be honest I've been sleeping on and off since then the jet lag has been awful. Not sure that the dark mornings and evenings have helped at all.
I have started a diary but under a different user name. I'm a long time poster on here particularly on the old style board and I just felt I could be more open and honest with a fresh start for my diary iykwim.
dh and I had a long chat about our finances on Saturday and have both committed to tackling our debt seriously.
I will pm you with my username x
Please don't feel too bad about committing to the social events at work. After all you spend most of your time there and you've got to feel comfortable just keep it to those events and it won't affect things too badly. I would have probably done the same myself:o
Look forward to joining you on your journey j x

clearmydebts

Hi Good Life,

I was just wondering if it would be possible for you to cancel the day at the races and go to the spa day. The spa day sounds much nicer anyway! That way you get to participate but you don't have to commit to everything that is happening socially?

Jox

Hi GL, do you have a special friend at work that you can confide that you have just under 29.5k debts that are getting you down?

Maybe they can support you and stand up for you when you need to decline the invitations?

How much do you think you can pay off this year? It might give you a target to focus on.

You need some treats as well but try to pick the things you really want to do, not those things you feel pressurised into doing, you won't enjoy them and will resent the people who are "making" you go.

Good luck

cwal

Hi GL
I haven't posted for a while but have been advidly keeping up with your posts - they have inspired me to keep going on my simplifying journey to. If you really don't want to go to Ascot then I would just say thanks for the offer but I've decided it's not for me but prehaps keep the spa day? It would be something to look forward to and prehaps if you can do more ebaying/car boots in the meantime you could put some of the proceeds towards it? It is hard to say no to work colleagues (i really struggled over christmas) but prehaps you could suggest another cheap lunch or something so it fits in with your plans?
Good Luck and I will keep reading!

[Deleted User]

Thank you so very much cwal, jox, clearmydebts, Julie, eco-farmerr and scuff, you truly are great people and such a lovely support - just what I needed in this hour of need when I am questioning my whole life and values - you don't think I'm totally mad is selfish which means a lot.

Your advice, as always is spot-on, I am gonna do the spa day and kindly decline ascot.

I am still enjoying my journey and am pleased to have paid as significant amount of debt. My aim for 2013 is to pay off nationwide cc, and if we sell house and car last as significant amounts off totals debt.

Hose remains on market, no viewing since before Christmas, hopefully things will pick hip in next few weeks. Car listed in auto - trader for a couple of weeks now its been fixed.

Determined to keep posting regularly and catch up on diaries as they are so inspiring. Thanks guys.

GLx

Crystal_clear_2

Morning Goodlife,

Glad you've come to a decision that your happy with, a spa day sounds fab.
Going to put our house up probably in the spring. Going to try an Internet seller that has sprung up around here that are half the cost of the local agent.
Keep posting, I will keep reading

Crystal

Fae

Hi GL,

It does seem to often be that fitting in involves spending money, sometimes quite alot, I think it shows up why so many people are in debt, as we all feel we can't say no. I'd be willing to bet there are others at work in exactly the same boat as you, and also struggle to say no to things.

I think you have done really well to decline the Ascot day, and I wouldn't worrry about the spa day, even with going for the simple life, it's important to have one or two treats, the trick is working out the ones you really want to do, and declining the others, and it sounds as though you have managed that.

You are doing so well, and don't worry about venting your feelings, that's what these diaries are for

Fae