Am I being selfish?

VICKITREASURE

Hi all, Many thanks to you all for your posts, they all helped me one way or the other.
We sat down and discussed the whole topic at the weekend and he has agreed to put the idea on hold for a while.
He totally understands my fears and thinks that they are valid.
Some of the posters made the point that I was denying him his pleasure and that I shouldn't ask him make the sacrifice, well as Seanymph pointed out in an earlier post, as parents we all make sacrifices.
I myself gave up a career that involved travelling overseas frequently and became self employed so that I could be around for my son.My income has halved. I gave up smoking with all it's associated risks so I could be as healthy as I can be for my family.
I am now reassured that I am not being selfish, just looking out for my lot.
I now realise that whole topic really is about what we feel we need to do to protect what is dear to us. Some people are willing to take more risks than others and I respect that.

niggyp

when i was at secondary school they did this course for the naughty kids (put me on it cos i used to skive off pe) anyway it was a motorcycle training course
lots of theory, watching videos (a lot very graphic showing what can go wrong..after effects of accidents etc etc, some gruesome stuff) and of course practical training too, mostly on mopeds but they did have a cb100n (think thats what it was)
after leaving school i went around on 2 wheels for a while but as soon as i could traded up to 4 wheels and would never go back

anyway my point is its up to the individual but they need to make themselves as safe as possible, full safety equiptment, bright clothing, lights on and RIDE SENSIBLY
and from my early point TRAINING! as i really dont think the cbt is sufficient

personally being a single dad (due to cancer) id never ride while my kids were growing up, wouldnt want them to loose 2 parents

euronorris

Mr_Toad wrote: »

This kind of thread always brings out the apocryphal stories of friends, acquaintances and loved ones dieing and while every death is a tragedy the truth is somewhat different.

Have a look at the statistics, there's a link from the Guardian site if you want the data.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2011/oct/28/mortality-statistics-causes-death-england-wales-2010

In 2010 the number of motorcyclists killed in collisions with another vehicle was 82.

Compare this to the 655 who died falling down stairs or steps or the 5000+ who died from infectious or parasitic diseases!

Yes I've been somewhat selective in my use of stats, who isn't?

However, have a look at them for yourself, motorcycling is nowhere near as dangerous as people like to make out and a lot safer than what people would consider 'normal' life.

I'm willing to bet there are lot more people using stairs, than there are bikers. So, rather than the numbers, I rather see the percentages of users as a comparison.

You ARE more vulnerable in a bike. That is a fact. No matter how safe a driver you are, or how much protective gear you wear, you can't account for someone else's blind spot or mistake that will send you flying.

My sister's first serious boyfriend died in a motorcyle accident. And a neighbour (who was a father of 3 - aged between 8 and 21 at the time) was in a serious accident at one point. He ended up in intensive care for months. The kids and wife were inconsolable during that time. Thankfully, he did make a full recovery in time.

But having seen that, I could never just say 'Yeah sure, get a bike whilst our kid is only 5 and we're building a business.'. I could, however, say 'Well, I know it's a passion of yours, but I have x, y & z concerns and would prefer if you could wait until our child was much older and our business more established. We need you most right now.'.

Trying to dismiss people's fears as silly or overreactions, is just as bad as someone saying that everyone who rides will be in accident. There needs to be an acknowledgement and a middle ground found, or a compromise.

As for how would I feel if my OH asked me not to do a certain hobby I loved - well, if it was dangerous, I'd listen to him. Especially if we had kids. One of the things you do as a parent is make sacrafices.

POPPYOSCAR

VICKITREASURE wrote: »

Hi all, Many thanks to you all for your posts, they all helped me one way or the other.
We sat down and discussed the whole topic at the weekend and he has agreed to put the idea on hold for a while.
He totally understands my fears and thinks that they are valid.
Some of the posters made the point that I was denying him his pleasure and that I shouldn't ask him make the sacrifice, well as Seanymph pointed out in an earlier post, as parents we all make sacrifices.
I myself gave up a career that involved travelling overseas frequently and became self employed so that I could be around for my son.My income has halved. I gave up smoking with all it's associated risks so I could be as healthy as I can be for my family.
I am now reassured that I am not being selfish, just looking out for my lot.
I now realise that whole topic really is about what we feel we need to do to protect what is dear to us. Some people are willing to take more risks than others and I respect that.

Glad you have sorted it out with each other.

gixer750

hope you dont get mugged on holiday or down the street or are in a car crash, cos u are just as ilogical as the op, and u would get told where to go if u stopped someone doing something they loved, grow up and get a life miserable....

Molly41 wrote: »

Sorry but Im going to be harsh - "Little boys (or grown men) and their toys " comes to mind.

It is a risk to ride a motorbike especially when you are a speed freak. Your husband has responsibilities and if it were mine the air would be blue for even suggesting it. You are not being selfish in my opinion.

Rebecca01

Merry Christmas x

mgdavid

I can't help wondering how you would have felt if he had stopped you having what you wanted, a baby.

Mrs.W_2

Let's take a different prespective on this thread.....

I am mum to two children under ten. Four years ago my OH talked me out of joining a team in the 2012 Banjul Challenge for the sake of our children.

http://www.dakarchallenge.co.uk/challenge/banjul+challenge/

Every month he goes out deep sea fishing. During winter months the weather on some of those trips can be outright dangerous. I'd never ask him to reconsider those trips. He really enjoys his fishing.

I've spent a great deal of time in North and West Africa, so it's not as if I'm unaware of how best to conduct myself in those countries or at border crossings. It would have been an all women team, so it's not as if we'd be driving like maniacs as the aim is to finish the rally with your car in a good condition.

There is a sexism attached to which parent can take risks in their enjoyment of life.

skintchick

I think bicyclists are in lots of danger but I bet everyone would be fine with him getting a push bike.

I'd love my OH to be a biker! I always was a biker's chick, he's the only man I've dated without a motorbike!