Am I being selfish?

jackomdj

Shepherd1 wrote: »

Hi

You are exactly in the same position I was husband sold his fireblade when our daughter was born 9 years ago, two years ago he bought a gsxr. He has just bought a bandit as the gsxr was too uncomfortable for him, he rides all the time even to work.

I do worry and I won't go out on a bike now, he is carefull and has never had an accident but its other drivers I worry about.

I do understand your worries but bikes are my husbands passion and when you are a parent it think it is still important to have your own interests and identity. I know my husband would be miserable without his bike.

Bikes are my oh's passion too. He has 3 at the moment, all only ridden in the sunshine and he is a safe rider. It is other people that I worry about, but we can't wrap ourselves up in cotton wool because of the what if's. Although we have children we still have a life and we should not put it on hold because of the children. It is about getting the happy balance.

POPPYOSCAR

Op I am with you on this one.

I do not think you are being selfish I think you are being sensible.

azzabazza

MY DH swore that he would get rid of his bike when we had the children. Didn't work out that way. I needed the car and the cheapest and most convenient way for him to go to work was on the bike.

He still has a bike (Honda VFR) and he is in his late 60s! He has never had an accident and he has had his bike licence since he was 17.

Regarding safety, I feel that everytime you drive a car or a bike you can be at risk. You can never legislate for other incompetent drivers regardless of whatever mode of transport you use.

I think you must sit him down and explain rationally your worries and fears. Perhaps meet in the middle? He could maybe go on a odd outing as pillion passenger on one of his mates bikes.

Mr_Toad

Biking gets into your soul.

How would you feel if your OH asked you not to do something that you really wanted to do?

What would all those people who are telling you that you're not being selfish then say?

Using the safety angle is just an excuse to justify the decision. Hundreds of thousands of people ride quite safely every day.

Owning a motorbike isn't irresponsible, they are a great means of transport and fun into the bargain.

Put yourself in his position, how would you like to be asked/told or made to feel guilty for doing something you wanted.

GobbledyGook

The safety angle is something only you can decide how you feel about it.

However for me the question would be has he got the time for it now? When he sold his bike it was because with children he wouldn't have time for it so what has changed?

A friend of mine had similar and the rows over the bike are now not over safety, but over the fact that her husband is out on it every Sunday without any regard for the fact that they have children and have very little family time together due to both working full time.

notakid

My BIF and SIL were once very keen bikers, members of the local bikers club and never had an accident. But it was a pastime not a mode of transport.

Other people I have known have died or nearly died from riding a bike,not thou speed, black ice and other car drivers. Also they rode bikes because it was cheaper than running a car rather than a hobby.

Bikes are more dangerous, I understand your concerns.

However as others have suggested Bike lessons to refresh might be a good idea if he really feels the loss of his bike.

And I don't think you are selfish, you just want to protect what you love.

POPPYOSCAR

sweaty_betty wrote: »

I have a slightly different opinion to tiddliwinks (although I do appreciate where she's coming from).

Since having my LO I am hypersensitive to all sorts of risks, because I can't bear the thought of him growing up without one/both of his parents, so I think I understand your concerns.

I know that people can get killed/injured in many other ways, but motorcycling is pretty dangerous - not just down to the motorcyclist but largely down to other road users (and there's not a great deal within your control with them). I've known a fair few people die from motorcycle crashes, the majority of them have been sensible, experienced riders who were hit by car drivers not paying full attention. You can do things like always wear decent, protective clothes etc, but that can only help so much. I'm sorry if this sounds like scaremongering, it's just my experience.

My personal view is that I would ask my OH to hold off from getting another motorbike until your son is a bit older - try to reach a bit of a compromise, not wait until he's 30 or something! - and explain why. Hopefully he'll understand your concerns. Life/critical illness insurance is all very well, but it's no substitute for having your dad around should the worst happen.

Yes this is my experience as well.

You are just not as protected as when you are in a car.

Grumpygit

Whilst I can understand your thoughts re accidents etc, I do think that you're being irrational and selfish, although selfish up to a point.

As said previously by others accidents can happen at any time, any place and for any reason - not just because you're on a bike - you can die from falling off a pushbike - would you stop him from getting one of those because of that reason?

Yes, you can wear all the protective gear you want and still get knocked off (my ex was a police biker and someone pulled out in front of him claiming he didn't see him even though he was wearing the fluescent (sp) gear and had lights on etc)

My ex is a biker and apart from being the father of my dd (12) he also has a 7 yo and another on the way - he goes away on trips to Europe and the UK. My OH also has a bike and has gone away to the UK before and we go away for weekends on it and have just come back from a 2 week trip around Europe.

As Mr Toad says, it gets into your soul and it's unfair of you to say no you can't get a bike because I think that you're going to have an accident - that's just irrational

If your argument was we can't really afford for you to spend out £xk on a bike, lid, jacket etc then that's more understandable - how is this bike going to be funded? If it's from joint finances then you have more leverage to not let him get one

You say he's a speed freak - how's that? Is it just because he likes watching fast cars/bikes or does he drive fast everywhere or did he used to ride faster when he had his original bike?

Just because a bike is a 1000cc or 1400cc etc doesn't mean it has to go fast - a bike will only go as fast as someone twists the throttle......I currently ride a scooter to/from work and I ride that faster than I rode my R6!

You need to rationalise your argument if you don't want him to have one but you also need to realise that it's also his life.

Oh and they say that in an accident, it's the pillion who normally comes off worse than the rider!

rxbren

i feel
it is a little selfish and to be fair maybe not this month or the next but by the time next summer comes round and his mates are out on their bikes having a nice ride and a laugh he will resent you for not allowing him his toy/vice
us boys never grow up, all that changes is we get better toys

tesuhoha

For some reason car drivers pulling out from side turnings often do not see bikes in the distance; it is like a blind spot. That is precisely what happened to my friend's son and he was killed outright. The grief that caused, I do not think any hobby is worth that. As someone else said there are dangers to other things but bikers are very vulnerable and car drivers do not give them enough consideration/respect.

I think you are being realistic to worry, not selfish. Its a very personal decision but if you feel that it is a problem to you, I would be honest with your partner and let him know.