Am I being selfish?

Grumpygit

Just don't say he can't have one - he is not a child, he can't be told what he can and can't do.

You have to have a reasonable argument whereby he then agrees with you and makes an informed decision himself and not because he thinks that it is what you want to hear or he may come to resent you in the future when he hears about what his mate as been doing or where he has been.

As someone else pointed out, what exactly would his plans be if he got a bike? Would it be the odd outing at a weekend or is he thinking that it could be every Sunday that he could go out for a spin (presumably weather permitting) and how long would he be out for? If he was out then he couldn't be playing footie with your son or taking him to the park for instance - the impact on family time could be an argument in your favour

You just have to be sane and rational in your case against getting one

Mr_Toad

This kind of thread always brings out the apocryphal stories of friends, acquaintances and loved ones dieing and while every death is a tragedy the truth is somewhat different.

Have a look at the statistics, there's a link from the Guardian site if you want the data.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2011/oct/28/mortality-statistics-causes-death-england-wales-2010

In 2010 the number of motorcyclists killed in collisions with another vehicle was 82.

Compare this to the 655 who died falling down stairs or steps or the 5000+ who died from infectious or parasitic diseases!

Yes I've been somewhat selective in my use of stats, who isn't?

However, have a look at them for yourself, motorcycling is nowhere near as dangerous as people like to make out and a lot safer than what people would consider 'normal' life.

Errata

Motor bikes belonging to middle aged blokes are known in A&E as donor cycles - for obvious reasons.
I suggest you do some serious research on how much it would cost per month to insure your OH against death, serious injury, inability to ever again earn a living, cost of 24/7 carers and etc. When you have a ball park figure, show it to him and ask him if he still believes he can afford a toy at his age.

POPPYOSCAR

Errata wrote: »

Motor bikes belonging to middle aged blokes are known in A&E as donor cycles - for obvious reasons.
I suggest you do some serious research on how much it would cost per month to insure your OH against death, serious injury, inability to ever again earn a living, cost of 24/7 carers and etc. When you have a ball park figure, show it to him and ask him if he still believes he can afford a toy at his age.

Yes I heard this said but did not want to bring it up TBH!.

It was brought home to me when a member of my family had a transplant.

POPPYOSCAR

Mr_Toad wrote: »

This kind of thread always brings out the apocryphal stories of friends, acquaintances and loved ones dieing and while every death is a tragedy the truth is somewhat different.

Have a look at the statistics, there's a link from the Guardian site if you want the data.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2011/oct/28/mortality-statistics-causes-death-england-wales-2010

In 2010 the number of motorcyclists killed in collisions with another vehicle was 82.

Compare this to the 655 who died falling down stairs or steps or the 5000+ who died from infectious or parasitic diseases!

Yes I've been somewhat selective in my use of stats, who isn't?

However, have a look at them for yourself, motorcycling is nowhere near as dangerous as people like to make out and a lot safer than what people would consider 'normal' life.

Yes you have been selective.

What about the figure for deaths for motorcycles overall and not just in a collision with other vehicles? A figure which is quoted in those stats as well.

For me personally, when I had children I became more aware of taking risks and have wanted both myself and OH to be around for them as they were growing up, and so we have modified our lives accordingly.

Now they have grown up it is not so much of an importance to us.

notakid

Mr_Toad wrote: »

This kind of thread always brings out the apocryphal stories of friends, acquaintances and loved ones dieing and while every death is a tragedy the truth is somewhat different..

That's not my personal experience. I've tried to be balanced, as I've mentioned my relatives who are keen bikers have had no problems.

However within my circle I've known of a young lad (20) who fell off his bike whilst his head gear wasn't fixed properly and died imed.

My husbands work college who skidded on black ice and wasn't going to pull tho but now has made a full recovery.

A middle aged neighbour who was hit by a car and left a wife and two children.

Now I know people die in car accidents all the time but in my 48 years the only person I've known to have been killed was my 19 year old cousin walking home from bonfire night. It seems bikes do leave you more unprotected and liable to injury. I would be happy to be proved wrong as it would be nice for the OP's mind to be put at rest. I have no agenda, just personal experience seems to prove motorcycles are more dangerous than any other type of transport.

Brighton_belle

I don't think you are being selfish at all. Yes life is risky but motorbikes leave the rider very vulnerable.

I took me 5 seconds to write the names of the 5 men I have personally known who have died on motorbikes and one other unknown to me that I witnessed.

I think your approach of calmly telling him how you feel is a good one. And he does need to reach his own decision.

Errata

In 2010 the number of motorcyclists killed in collisions with another vehicle was 82.

Add on to that figure the number of people who in an accident have a leg or legs sliced off, lose their sight, an arm, break their back ...........and survive, and the picture looks very different.

tesuhoha

To add to this i must tell you - my brother in law, aged 63 bought himself quite a powerful motorbike. He works in the building trade so is quite strong and fit and he used to ride one in his youth.

The guy who sold it to him brought it round. After paying for it he started up the bike, went along the road and and round the corner on it. As he rounded the corner it tipped over and he fell off :eek:. Several people rushed to help him and the bike up from the road. Luckily, he wasn't hurt.

Since then the motorbike has languished in the garage and not seen the light of day. He has taken up fishing.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Your feelings are perfectly reasonable.

However, he's getting on a bit, probably feeling his age and the idea of having a bike again reminds him of when he was younger, out with his mates, out with you when you weren't knee deep in snotty noses and dirty socks.

The babs (born again bikers) tend to spend an absolute fortune on the flashiest, shiniest, most powerful thing they can find, thousands on fancy leathers, carbon fibre lids, the lot. Then they take it out three times on sunny Sunday mornings before dropping it trying to get an arthritic knee down on a bend.


If he is considering getting a cheap bike, a mid range engine size (they are quite fast enough), proper protective gear, not fancy gear and just using it as a vehicle with an element of social life, then he's less likely to be turning himself into a smear on the road.

He might even give it a few weeks and decide 'stuff this for a game of soldiers, it's too cold these days', especially if all it ever does is pee down every Saturday until March.



Why not suggest you taking your test and getting one as well? Or ask when he's planning on taking your LO on the back?

If he's horrified by the thought, that tells you a lot about what he is planning as a rider. If not, well, why not? It's common for older bikers to have their partners and kids involved, after all - little ones in trailers, that kind of thing. There's no reason why you can't take part as well.




Trouble is, once you've done it, there is nothing like it again. When I was taking driving lessons, the instructor remarked that he could see it in my eyes. You just don't look at the road in the same way as someone who has only ever driven a car - you notice every lump, bump and detail from five times the legal stopping distances for cars.

And the sound of the engine - It's like not being able to fly.


So whilst I understand your worry, it's not necessarily such a disaster as you think. He might be more sensible than you expect.




(I won't mention the fact that my eldest was riding pillion on a Honda Bros 400 at the age of 6 - I had my first ride at 4 - as that will have you keeling over in horror)