Am I being selfish?

luxor4t

Suggest he gets a motor trike - you can all enjoy it together.

webitha

im a mum and a biker

i agree to asking him to take a refresher course after so long......but i would not ban him from one....the feeling of freedom on the open road is awesome.... only a biker knows why a dog hangs out of the car window :rotfl::rotfl:

or enquirer about a trike ( which is what i ride more now i have kids)

life is to be lived...not wrapped up in cotton wool
when your time is up ...its up and nothing is going to stop it no mattr what you do/ride

1940sGal

VICKITREASURE wrote: »

Hi everyone!
I'm new to this board so please be gentle with me!
I am worried that I am being selfish about an issue that my hubby and I have at the moment and I would really appreciate any help or thoughts on it.

When we met 7 years ago my husband had a motorbike, not a little bike, a blooming great beast of a thing!
Back then when we were courting we used to enjoy going out on it together and he also used to go off on his own for a ride.
Well we got married and along came our precious son ( we are older parents! I was 42 when he was born)
As soon we discovered I was preggers, hubby decided to sell the bke partly for the money and partly because as he said he wouldnt have time for it.
Well here we are 5 years later and his friend has just bought a bike and he and hubby are discussing bikes again.
I am distraught at the thought of him getting another bike and am unsure whether I am being irrational and selfish.
I am sooooo worried about him having an accident ( he has had a couple in the past) all my worries and fears have magnified since we have had our little boy. He needs his Daddy in one piece and I need him too.
We run a business together and it is quite physical so any accidents could finish us.
I hadn't mentioned any of this until last night when he looked at me and said " I am thinking about getting a bike again and I can sense that you are not happy about it. If its a problem of course I won't get one"
Well I feel horrible now! I told him that I was worried about accidents and he reassured me that he would be fine, but I can't help how I feel.
On one hand I want him to have his pleasure and enjoyment of a bike again, to go on Sunday rides with his mates etc but I know I will be in a right state every time he goes out on it.
I don't ever want to go on a bike again, I would worry for myself too!
He is a bit of a speed freak to be honest and the bikes he has been looking at are very fast big machines.
Now I've written this down it really does seem as if I am being a selfish cow.
Please tell me what you think, I am going mad here!
Sorry post was a bit rambling. Xxx

I used to ride a bike and had a serious accident. I still want another. I only learned to drive because the gear did my nut in. Dad's been a biker all his life, had a few accidents but still rides.

There are all sorts of dangers in life and there's nothing to say that if he gets another he will have a serious accident. You can have an accident crossing the road.

I don't think you're being overly selfish, you're bound to worry, but if it's what he loves he's bound to miss it.

Wickedkitten

webitha wrote: »

im a mum and a biker

i agree to asking him to take a refresher course after so long......but i would not ban him from one....the feeling of freedom on the open road is awesome.... only a biker knows why a dog hangs out of the car window :rotfl::rotfl:

or enquirer about a trike ( which is what i ride more now i have kids)

life is to be lived...not wrapped up in cotton wool
when your time is up …its up and nothing is going to stop it no mattr what you do/ride

Same. Once it’s in your blood, it’s in your blood. If anything, my OH has already planned on making any child that we have into the next Vale :rotfl:

Errata

I wouldn't be against anyone riding a bike, what I would be against are the f e c k l e s s ones who don't make due provision for their dependants and themselves should they have an accident, becuase that's simply being irresponsible.

Shepherd1

Errata wrote: »

I wouldn't be against anyone riding a bike, what I would be against are the f e c k l e s s ones who don't make due provision for their dependants and themselves should they have an accident, becuase that's simply being irresponsible.

Everyone should make provisions for their dependants not just bikers.

jungle_jane

As a biker I think you are being selfish however as the wife of someone who loves me and worries for my safety I can see where you are coming from - my OH has the same point of view as you.

In the end I ditched the bike because my OH's peace of mind was more important to me and i thought that his concerns were valid. I bought an old mini, tweaked her up a bit and I roar around in that instead. For the first time in my life i finally understood why other people prefer cages to bikes - firstly its warm and toasty. secondly there is music and thirdly...your friends will travel with you:-)

Wickedkitten

jungle_jane wrote: »

As a biker I think you are being selfish however as the wife of someone who loves me and worries for my safety I can see where you are coming from - my OH has the same point of view as you.

In the end I ditched the bike because my OH's peace of mind was more important to me and i thought that his concerns were valid. I bought an old mini, tweaked her up a bit and I roar around in that instead. For the first time in my life i finally understood why other people prefer cages to bikes - firstly its warm and toasty. secondly there is music and thirdly...your friends will travel with you:-)

The second two you can have on a bike! :j

Fire_Fox

There are some superb (and very expensive) body armour products on the market, is there also a method for getting him to agree and stick to a sensible speed and/ or avoiding higher risk roads/ times of day? It's totally unacceptable for him to break the speed limit, it's not guaranteed the only person he will kill or injure is himself.

Seanymph

I'll be anecdotal - my kids were one and two when a car took me out. I worked for a motorcycle training company, I was on the way to work - and it was entirely his fault.

But that doesn't give you the full use of a leg back. Or a job. Or the time with your kids you spend in recovery. Or years of mental health issues over the adjustments you have to make.

I decided then I was a parent first - and you make choices don't you, so I wouldn't ride again until they were adults because they needed me.

Last Monday i was in orthopeadics with my daughter, the lady sitting next to her had both legs in braces and started talking to her.

Last July she was in a motorbike crash, she was still reeling - my daughter send her my way and I gave her my phone number.

Her husband was riding she was pillion - diesel on the road - he died and she broke one hip, two knees and an ankle.

Two no fault accidents - we didn't die (although he did) - so statistically wouldn't count, but I worked in the industry for a long time, I know a lot of bikers and very few who have never had an accident.

It is stacking the odds isn't it - we all know it's dangerous - ok, it's fun, I still miss it - but it's an unnecessary risk. I abhorr comparisons to 'crossing the road' - you need to cross the road or limit your life, no one 'needs' to ride a motorbike. It's a pleasure, an extra.

I remember the debates about the woman who had young kids and still mountain climbed, and was soundly condemned for it - shortly before going missing and not returning to the kids.

He is a parent of small children, for now he needs to put them first - and so do you. You aren't being selfish, because it isn't about you denying him something so you have something. You are looking out for your kids - you have a lot of years of that, and if that means being strong enough to say for them 'you are desperately important, you will be important to them for a long long time and they need you more than you need to ride a bike' then that's what you have to do.

He could always go to race days if he fancied a blast - but in traffic? With the other road users? No, I gave it up - OH wouldn't do it whilst they are young, and we won't be doing it for a long time yet either.