Ex picking up children query

balletshoes

tescovaluecrisps wrote: »

Why is it all put on her shoulders when he has left her?

how is it all on her shoulders? She doesn't pay all the travel expenses for access, she pays half. Her ex is paying maintenance, her ex is paying half the travel expenses for access, her ex is trying to maintain a sensible regular relationship with his kids, even though they now live 100 miles away. Her ex is apparently going to be funding her new home with her kids.

Having kids is a huge responsibility, and one of the parents in a separation is going to be the one looking after them the majority of the time usually. Whats the alternative in this scenario? The couple should have stayed together anyway even though the bloke was playing away, just for the kids? Surely his wife wouldn't want that?
Or, the ex takes the kids to live with him and she travels to see them once a fortnight? As a Mum, theres no way in hell I'd be having that - my kids would be with me, and for their sake I'd be trying my hardest to facilitate their Dad seeing them as often as they all can.

It seems to be, in this particular case, theres a fair bit of underlying "lets punish the ex by making it harder to see his kids" - whats that about? Thats only going to hurt the kids.

tescovaluecrisps

DUTR wrote: »

I'm bringing your partner into this because, he will tell you he is not going to leave you for no reason whatsoever, in the original post, the way it is harboured that the husband has left, as a bloke I know if everything is all right at homne then he ain't gonna stray, the woman has to put effort into the relationship too, and as proven, blokes anint gonna remain in a relationship just because of the kids.
I'm all right jack too, I won't do the round trip to visit kids,I pay I go. :cool:

Right so every man that has ever left anyone it's always been the wifes fault. They have strayed because the wife isn't making them happy. Ok I get it know. To be honest the OP asked for peoples veiws and I gave mine I have been shot down on every single veiw that I have had. So I won't be commenting anymore. You are obviously right about everything I would watch out cause if you don't let your other half have there own veiws they might become unhappy at home and leave you too. I'm alright cause me and my husband are happy. :A

clearingout

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

In excess of £50k, and how do you know that's after tax? The OP doesn't say it's after tax.



So I wonder why the OP said that he is. The fact is that she isn't paying a penny. He is, her parents are and we all are.

in excess of £50k could mean anything, couldn't it? £55,250 is in excess of £50K but it wouldn't have much of an impact on maintentance liability.

I don't know about you and the people you mix with but where salaries are concerned, it it usual practise to quote a salary as being £50k (or whatever the amount) before tax, not after. You are right, of course, that I have no idea but the assumption isn't an unreasonble one.

If she weren't living with her parents, she would be in receipt of Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit so it could be worse from a tax payer's point of view. It is pretty common for the PWC to end up on benefits when they have young children and a relationship breaks down - certainly happened to me - but that doesn't mean she is without ambition, qualifications, experience or anything else. Sometimes it just takes a while to get back on your feet.

tescovaluecrisps

balletshoes wrote: »

how is it all on her shoulders? She doesn't pay all the travel expenses for access, she pays half. Her ex is paying maintenance, her ex is paying half the travel expenses for access, her ex is trying to maintain a sensible regular relationship with his kids, even though they now live 100 miles away. Her ex is apparently going to be funding her new home with her kids.

Having kids is a huge responsibility, and one of the parents in a separation is going to be the one looking after them the majority of the time usually. Whats the alternative in this scenario? The couple should have stayed together anyway even though the bloke was playing away, just for the kids? Surely his wife wouldn't want that?
Or, the ex takes the kids to live with him and she travels to see them once a fortnight? As a Mum, theres no way in hell I'd be having that - my kids would be with me, and for their sake I'd be trying my hardest to facilitate their Dad seeing them as often as they all can.

It seems to be, in this particular case, theres a fair bit of underlying "lets punish the ex by making it harder to see his kids" - whats that about? Thats only going to hurt the kids.

I haven't got an ex so I wouldn't know I have just written my point of veiw. I don't really know what you want from me. The OP asked do we think it's fair/ does she have to do it? I put my opinion. Honestly I thought that is what the forums are for? What if the OPs friend couldn't drive she wouldn't be doing it anyway. My kids and hubby mean the world to me can you stop bringing my family into it because you know nothing about me!

balletshoes

tescovaluecrisps wrote: »

I haven't got an ex so I wouldn't know I have just written my point of veiw. I don't really know what you want from me. The OP asked do we think it's fair/ does she have to do it? I put my opinion. Honestly I thought that is what the forums are for? What if the OPs friend couldn't drive she wouldn't be doing it anyway. My kids and hubby mean the world to me can you stop bringing my family into it because you know nothing about me!

erm - is that aimed at me? I'm confused, I didn't mention you or your family, did I? I was talking about the content of the OP's thread and clearly the OP's friend can and is driving halfway on access days, so thats what I'm basing my input on.

clearingout

balletshoes wrote: »

From what I've read of the OP's posts on this thread, they haven't gone through the CSA, what the ex pays for maintenance has been sorted out privately. Same with access, thats not formal either. The OP did post this -



so yes, the ex is going to be funding her new home apparently.

I think it unlikely. It is rare an ex partner would fully fund a new home to the tune of mortgage/rent, bills etc. and then have to fund his new home. Money doesn't stretch that far, particularly in this day and age. He would need to be on an awful lot more than £50k to be able to do that without seriously compromising his own life and if the situation is run through court, it is unlikely a judge would go for it. Of course, I'm saying that on the basis of the very limited information we have been given but I would suspect somehow who was going to fund a home for his ex and his children would have done just that prior to having them leave the area. My own experience is that my ex talked widely to anyone who would listen about what he was going to do...but over 4 years later I am still waiting for him to actually do anything....if he is to be believed, he gives me 'thousands' a month and lives a frugal, miserable lifestyle himself. I can assure you, nothing could be further from the truth and I am still waiting for him to pay any maintenance, let alone pay regularly. I guess that would stop him having 4 foreign holidays a year, wouldn't it?!!! These things are rarely what they seem.

tescovaluecrisps

balletshoes wrote: »

erm - is that aimed at me? I'm confused, I didn't mention you or your family, did I? I was talking about the content of the OP's thread and clearly the OP's friend can and is driving halfway on access days, so thats what I'm basing my input on.

Yes you quoted something I had said and the started having a rant. That is the way it came across.

balletshoes

I'm only going on what the OP themselves have said about the house. I suspect theres a lot more to all of this anyway, as none of the agreements in place regarding providing the house, the maintenance, and the access are on any formal footing.

balletshoes

tescovaluecrisps wrote: »

Yes you quoted something I had said and the started having a rant. That is the way it came across.

ah okay, sorry you took it that way. My rant is the way I feel about this particular scenario as its been presented by the OP. I really wasn't having a go at you (and I didn't mention your family at all, why would I) - your post which I quoted originally was one I felt was appropriate for me to use to give my views on the situation.

The last paragraph of my reply post to you was in general about some of the replies on the thread, not about your posts in particular.

EmmaHerts

It sounds like the ex-husband is being very fair, in my opinion, especially if he will be providing for the family's accommodation when his ex has sorted herself out.