MSE Single Parents Thread

Own_My_Own

sweetme wrote: »

If I do end up alone then so be it. I get tired of my own company and it would be nice to have someone to share my life with

:rotfl: Don't want to depress you but as your youngest is 5 you really won't be alone of at least another 13 years.
By then your oldest 2 will be in their late 20s and you could be needed to babysit the Grandchildren. :eek:
In all honesty you are never going to have time to share your life.:rotfl:

meer53

Own my Own, i've wanted to go off in a camper van for years ! If you fancy some company give me a shout ! It's my ambition to do just that, when i win the lottery

When my ex left, my daughter was nearly 3 and my son 15. My ex had said he would never set foot in the USA, why, i have no idea.

Guess what i did ? Yup, booked flights, a villa and hired a car and took myself, my kids and my sons friend off to Florida. When i got in that hire car with 3 kids, i thought "oh my word, what have i done here ?" I found the villa ( in the dark and during a thunderstorm) and we had the best holiday, ever. We've been back 4 times since and are going again next year .

As for seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, the best thing i have ever heard is this -

"Don't go looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, get up there and turn the !!!!er on for yourself" !!

red_devil

If any of you want to join a busy facebook group page for parents in all situations up and down the country.

Please request to join at https://www.facebook.com/groups/HOUSEANDHOME/

Daily chatter and support.

Own_My_Own

Fed up today . Don't really know why, but some days I just just get fed up of having to do everything. Luckly I do not have them very often, so tomorrow should be better. Maybe I'm just tired

downsizer3

Another single mum checking in. Young daughter (5 yrs), run my own business, not much input from the dad ( sees her a few hours a week - no overnights) and ( on balance) I love it!
I honestly felt more lonely and stressed in the relationship - admitedly a poor one- than I do now.
For me its all about routine, planning and as for being bored - I wish! It's all a bit too busy if anything - I manage the odd night out which is fine ( done that to death anyway and can't afford it these days) - can't really see any downsides.
If I feel low with life - I rely on friends - and ahem.....wine/chocolate ( and making time for the gym is then a necessity too!!)

People do sometime forget you're doing it on your own - its school gates stuff really - helping at school events / parents evenings etc - its simply hard to do those things but I'm happy enough to tell people why I'm not able to be there.

GobbledyGook

clearingout wrote: »

What I have struggled with is other people's attitudes - the people who turn their nose up at you in the school playground, the 'friends' who stopped calling as soon as you become single, the assumption that you're on benefits and all the negativity that goes with it. It's the 'innocent' comments people make that really get me - the 'what are you going to do now your third child is in school?' followed by a 'oh, I'd love to do that (I retrained in teaching) but I couldn't afford to because I have a husband who works' or the 'I suppose we're paying for you to live in that', pointing to my house (I own it outright). I even had one woman who thought it acceptable to ask if all my children (I have three, all close in age) had the same father!

That is the exact thing that I struggled with. Suddenly I seemed to be viewed as some sort of immoral man-eater by "friends" who felt a desperate need to keep their husbands away from me. People also stopped bothering to invite me to social things as they assumed I'd be too busy or wouldn't be able to get a babysitter.

The most hurtful for me was people's opinions and assumptions about finances. People that I considered as friends started suggesting ways to the ex to stop me "grabbing" all his money. People who knew our lives and how much I'd put into his career seen me as greedy for expecting him to maintain a good lifestyle for our children. Within a few days I went from being a good wife who made sacrifices for her husband's career to a greedy sponger who should get a full time job. Due to finding out I was pregnant just at the heart of our split I also had to put up with comments about the paternity of our son and accusations of deliberately falling pregnant for more money from people who should have simply known better.

The most hurtful thing of all is the fact that now the ex and I are in a relationship again (I won't say back together because we've both changed a lot and so has our relationship) suddenly the same people seem to want to be friends again. It's as if I'm only good enough for them as a part of a couple. I'd rather have no friends than toxic friends.

However the one good thing it has done is made me see a few people in a different light in a good way. There are two friends in my life who I'd have described as 'friends of friends' or 'friends, but not close friends' who have been absolutely amazing. They've been there when needed, not been nosey (on 'friend' was only after gossip), helped in various ways from babysitting to shifting boxes in my house move and been around with chocolate when I needed it most.

I have far more confidence in myself now and I (and the ex) know that I CAN do it myself if I need to. I don't need a man in my life to validate it so I'll never allow my own feelings and wants to be completely pushed aside through fear of being single.

Maureen43

I have found it hard that some friendships have come to end. These were friends where we socialised as couples. I am imagining now that they see it as too awkward or difficult to invite me as a single person. I can understand the viewpoint but it is hard to come to terms with losing these friends. As I said before, I live in a village full of "happily marrieds" and feel very much the odd one out.

I know I need to make new friends as a single person but have not yet got my head around how to do that around work and children!

Own_My_Own

GobbledyGook wrote: »

That is the exact thing that I struggled with. Suddenly I seemed to be viewed as some sort of immoral man-eater by "friends" who felt a desperate need to keep their husbands away from me. People also stopped bothering to invite me to social things as they assumed I'd be too busy or wouldn't be able to get a babysitter.

The most hurtful for me was people's opinions and assumptions about finances. People that I considered as friends started suggesting ways to the ex to stop me "grabbing" all his money. People who knew our lives and how much I'd put into his career seen me as greedy for expecting him to maintain a good lifestyle for our children. Within a few days I went from being a good wife who made sacrifices for her husband's career to a greedy sponger who should get a full time job. Due to finding out I was pregnant just at the heart of our split I also had to put up with comments about the paternity of our son and accusations of deliberately falling pregnant for more money from people who should have simply known better.

The most hurtful thing of all is the fact that now the ex and I are in a relationship again (I won't say back together because we've both changed a lot and so has our relationship) suddenly the same people seem to want to be friends again. It's as if I'm only good enough for them as a part of a couple. I'd rather have no friends than toxic friends.

However the one good thing it has done is made me see a few people in a different light in a good way. There are two friends in my life who I'd have described as 'friends of friends' or 'friends, but not close friends' who have been absolutely amazing. They've been there when needed, not been nosey (on 'friend' was only after gossip), helped in various ways from babysitting to shifting boxes in my house move and been around with chocolate when I needed it most.

I have far more confidence in myself now and I (and the ex) know that I CAN do it myself if I need to. I don't need a man in my life to validate it so I'll never allow my own feelings and wants to be completely pushed aside through fear of being single.

Don't worry . By the time you get to my age you will simply think F£&k Urm. :rotfl:

JustKeepSwimming_2

meer53 wrote: »

... I don't know anyone who isn't happier. Yes, there are bad times, but for me, being a single parent is far easier than being in a relationship that isn't working.

I don't have any single friends (not in a similar position I mean, I do have some much younger single friends who have yet to even think of settling down & none of them have children). But I do hear about friends-of-friends & they all say this.

sweetme wrote: »

I'll say hello. I have been an independent parent for nearly three years now. I don't like the term single mum. I have four children, two girls 16 and 15 and two boys 11 and 5. On the whole I have no complaints. I enjoy my freedom and my independence. It's darned hard work though! I do think I'm kinda ready for meeting someone new now though. I am 40 in five months and terrified I'll end up alone.

I like that term - independent parent.

Would it really be so awful if you did end up without a partner? After all, you won't be alone as you'll still have family & friends around you. I though I'd like to have a partner, but having been doing online dating for a few months, I'd much rather stay single :rotfl:. Although I haven't actually done any real dating yet!

GobbledyGook wrote: »

That is the exact thing that I struggled with. Suddenly I seemed to be viewed as some sort of immoral man-eater by "friends" who felt a desperate need to keep their husbands away from me.

Is that incase you suddenly can't control yourslf or resist their husbands? Honestly - it is so insulting. I was warned off by a "friend" for chatting up her husband :mad:. All I had done was to listen to him drone on about tropical fish while trying to appear interested as I didn't want to be rude! I think I got 3 or 4 words into the converstion before he kept butting in....Oddly enough I found him quite resistible, just as I had done for all the years I was married. I'd lost a husband, not my morals!

People also stopped bothering to invite me to social things as they assumed I'd be too busy or wouldn't be able to get a babysitter.

The most hurtful for me was people's opinions and assumptions about finances. People that I considered as friends started suggesting ways to the ex to stop me "grabbing" all his money. People who knew our lives and how much I'd put into his career seen me as greedy for expecting him to maintain a good lifestyle for our children. Within a few days I went from being a good wife who made sacrifices for her husband's career to a greedy sponger who should get a full time job. Due to finding out I was pregnant just at the heart of our split I also had to put up with comments about the paternity of our son and accusations of deliberately falling pregnant for more money from people who should have simply known better.

The most hurtful thing of all is the fact that now the ex and I are in a relationship again (I won't say back together because we've both changed a lot and so has our relationship) suddenly the same people seem to want to be friends again. It's as if I'm only good enough for them as a part of a couple. I'd rather have no friends than toxic friends.

However the one good thing it has done is made me see a few people in a different light in a good way. There are two friends in my life who I'd have described as 'friends of friends' or 'friends, but not close friends' who have been absolutely amazing. They've been there when needed, not been nosey (on 'friend' was only after gossip), helped in various ways from babysitting to shifting boxes in my house move and been around with chocolate when I needed it most.

I have far more confidence in myself now and I (and the ex) know that I CAN do it myself if I need to. I don't need a man in my life to validate it so I'll never allow my own feelings and wants to be completely pushed aside through fear of being single.

You certainly do find out who your friends are. I'm still hurt that people I'd considered good friends could "drop" me quite so easily & accept my replacement with no thought to me. I do want my ex's current wife to be friends with my ex's friends & wouldn't want her to be treated badly, but I imagined that I'd still remain their friends too. Some of them I'd known for over 20 years from our university days, & if they bump into me they'll say hi but that is it. I've suggested meeting up for coffee (so nothing controversial that needs equal numbers :rotfl:) but it never happens.

I just wish I had some single friends that I could go out with, & who would just "get it". I do have lovely friends & an improving social life but.... One friend said she knew exactly how I felt after her OH had been away for 8 days! Not quite the same, is it?

Top_Girl

Bonuses about being a single mum:

Our house is our rules. My son is my mini-me and we often spend the weekends I have him in our pjs eating doritos on the couch or swimming and park and out for tea - neither of which my ex would have approved of. I don't like smacking, he did. I prefer to withdraw privileges. If my son has made a good effort with a meal and eaten his vegetables, I don't stress over leftovers, he did. I'm discovering that picking my battles is the way forward.

No-one to criticise my parenting. Considering my son is streets ahead at school and at football, school and his trainers are nothing but complimentary about him and about me as a mother.

Some me time. Something I never had as part of a couple/extended family as I was always on the go doing something for someone and my ex was an xbox head so I often ended up mooching aimlessly on the internet whilst listening to him blow some animated brains out. Having some weekends "off" (still have the house to run and a degree to do but I only have to do things my way) makes me feel more like me.

Cons

Weekends like this weekend where I feel utterly fed up with the world.

I'm also fairly convinced I'll die alone, wearing something I've crocheted and surrounded by cats and bags for life full of yellow pages and free newspapers...

However the plus is I have no-one I need to put a brave face on for and I intend to spend the time ignoring the housework and the books and slobbing out in my pjs watching tv/films and feeling thoroughly sorry for myself til my son comes back on Sunday.