MSE Single Parents Thread

meer53

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Hi there, another SP sticking their head through the door!
I have been a SP for 7 years. Partly out of choice, partly as i have no family etc to babysit, so i can never go out.

Biggest bonus of being a SP? Staying in my PJs all day (such as today ) and not being moaned at!!

You just made me laugh !

My ex used to have a thing about me wearing a dressing gown ! Said i was a slob if i didn't get dressed straight away every morning. I just love being able to be "ME" now ! If i want to stay in my PJ's all day, i can.

WantToBeSE

I agree Meer, my ex was like that too. NOw he (occasionally) turns up to collect the kids andi swear he still expects to see me in my PJs!

gibson123

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

I think this thread is a great idea so thanks OP & have a :beer:



I think a lot of the things us single parents have problems with are ex partners & their families. While I can't know anything about how difficult your particular experience was/still is, I think you are in the minority of being a single parent after your OH died. I hope I haven't offended you as that is not my intention at all.

Not offended at all, in fact I totally agree with you, I see what happens with single and married friends with their kids and I can't imagine dealing with the constant negotiation and (here's where I might offend) nastiness, unarmed combat that seems to ensue with divided and undivided families. Peace reigns pretty much supreme in my life, apart for the inevitable fights over un;);)tidy rooms and bed times.

gibson123

And gibson123 - this is when I would love for a partner to take over & just give me a break.[/QUOTE]

Well that's when I pack her a bag and send her off to my sisters for a week (my sister has no daughters :whistle:)

Even better when I pack her off and then head off for a weekend with friends.

The way I see it, I work hard for us, and I deserve my time off and my little treats.

JustKeepSwimming_2

SingleSue wrote: »

Thanks, I decided to remove my post as it was posted after a rather horrendous day when I was feeling very sorry for myself and pretty peed off with life in general.

Back to my normal bouncy self tonight though!

I don't think you sounded at all sorry for yourself, but glad to hear you're back to normal (whatever that is )

clearingout wrote: »

elaine, I was incredibly lonely in my marriage and took sole responsibility for childcaring and our home whilst also working (although part-time, I admit). But I have to agree with meer that that situation is very different to being a 'real' single parent and the issues you face with the single parent label.

I am a good number of years down the line since separating from my now ex husband in the most horrendous circumstances (it wasn't my choice) and I am only just feeling like I'm in a genuinley happy place with a sense of independence. For me, the managing children alone, being solely responsible for everything etc. wasn't a huge shift in thinking or practicalities. What I have struggled with is other people's attitudes - the people who turn their nose up at you in the school playground, the 'friends' who stopped calling as soon as you become single, the assumption that you're on benefits and all the negativity that goes with it. It's the 'innocent' comments people make that really get me - the 'what are you going to do now your third child is in school?' followed by a 'oh, I'd love to do that (I retrained in teaching) but I couldn't afford to because I have a husband who works' or the 'I suppose we're paying for you to live in that', pointing to my house (I own it outright). I even had one woman who thought it acceptable to ask if all my children (I have three, all close in age) had the same father!

On the other hand, I now know who my friends are and I am closer to my family than I was. I still struggle with my relationship with my ex but it has got better over time and I have learnt to deal with him and ignore the worst of it. It has taken time to feel 'good' again but I got there in the end and am hopeful things will keep getting better! I do now prefer my single life to that I had when I had a husband!

Other people can be so thoughtless, can't they? I'm shocked at some of the comments you have had hurled at you though :mad:. I've had the "I suppose you'll be on benefits now" comment as well, which is pretty hurtful as I'd always worked & continued to when childcare was available (which was another PITA as I'm sure you all know)

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Hi there, another SP sticking their head through the door!
I have been a SP for 7 years. Partly out of choice, partly as i have no family etc to babysit, so i can never go out.

Biggest bonus of being a SP? Staying in my PJs all day (such as today ) and not being moaned at!!

Oh yes, the all day PJs is a big bonus :rotfl:

Gibson123 - glad you weren't offended . I'm also much happier being single than I was for the last 4 years of my marriage, & my house is a lot happier & calmer now (apart from the usual tantrums that go with having an almost 13 DD & a 10 DS). I may sound like a right grumpy mare sometimes, but I am happy with my lot most days.

laurel7172

My next door neighbour was clearly shocked to be told I was working...given that I park almost in front of her kitchen window (on my own drive-blame the developer), you would have thought she would have noticed the absence of a car during working hours at some point in the previous six or seven years...but it seems that prejudice trumps simple observation every time.

CRANKY40

Hello, I'm a single mum to a small boy of 7 (nearly 8) and I'd love to join in. My husband died almost 3 years ago when my son was almost 5. Although we miss my late husband, me and the boy like to look on the bright side of life. We have two very entertaining cats, a hamster (entertains the cats mostly) and some tropical fish to keep us busy.

Life is good, but it's lovely to meet some families that aren't mum, dad and 2.4 children

Maureen43

Another single parent here, albeit a relatively new one...

It is indeed like "being cast adrift without land in sight".

However it is really nice to hear positive stories from other people in my situation.

I live in a village full of happily-marrieds and definitely feel abnormal! I have one good friend here who is divorced and we think we ought to have a "single parents corner" at meetings at school etc!

Own_My_Own

elaine373 wrote: »

Do remember that you can be just as lonely in a marriage. You may be a single parent ,within a couple.you may be some-one although married, does all the sports and parents evenings for years and years.You can be sat in the same room as some-one but not able to talk to them,to share your worries. Yes you can pop out for a pint of milk,coz someone else is there whilst your babies sleep but that may be all you get out of being `married`. The emotional state of loneliness doesnt just apply to single parents.The financial burden doesn`t just apply to single parents.The day to day struggles of bringing up children doesnt apply to just single parents.I dont know if its necessary to have individual threads when both married and single parents, need support.

Couldn't agree more. I have been a single parent for 15 years, and I would never go back.

I no longer dread pulling up the drive, wondering what mood will great me.

I no longer go to bed alone, wondering if he is going to come home from the pub or not. I just go to bed alone and sleep.

I no longer dread a knock on the door.

I no longer dread going to the bank, wondering what money has been withdrawn, leaving me with nothing to feed us.

I now sit in silence because I am alone, and it doesn't bother me.( To be truthful I quite like it)

As for my user name-
I owned the massive debt I was left in when he left on his payday.(He cleared the back account)

I now own everthing I own, I am not in any debt and have some savings :j

All in all I am in a better place now, on my own , than I would be if I was still with him. So are my children.

He still lives in the same town as us. And my children speak to him in the street if they see him. (My daughter didn't know who he was until 2 years ago,as she was only 6 weeks old when he left.)(Obviously we get no CSA)

They both have their own name for him, but I won't go into that now:rotfl:

Sorry for rambling on

meer53

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Couldn't agree more. I have been a single parent for 15 years, and I would never go back.

I no longer dread pulling up the drive, wondering what mood will great me.

I no longer go to bed alone, wondering if he is going to come home from the pub or not. I just go to bed alone and sleep.

I no longer dread a knock on the door.

I no longer dread going to the bank, wondering what money has been withdrawn, leaving me with nothing to feed us.

I now sit in silence because I am alone, and it doesn't bother me.( To be truthful I quite like it)

As for my user name-
I owned the massive debt I was left in when he left on his payday.(He cleared the back account)

I now own everthing I own, I am not in any debt and have some savings :j

All in all I am in a better place now, on my own , than I would be if I was still with him. So are my children.

He still lives in the same town as us. And my children speak to him in the street if they see him. (My daughter didn't know who he was until 2 years ago,as she was only 6 weeks old when he left.)(Obviously we get no CSA)

They both have their own name for him, but I won't go into that now:rotfl:

Sorry for rambling on

Thats a brilliant post

I hope the newly single parents who are struggling with this new stage in their lives read the posts. I don't know anyone who isn't happier. Yes, there are bad times, but for me, being a single parent is far easier than being in a relationship that isn't working.