MSE Single Parents Thread

littlepinky84

Somewhere to come with people in the same situation, I am slowly adjusting to being a single mum of 3 after the breakdown of my 10 yr relationship well it wasnt a breakdown more of a sledge hammer came crashing down on lol, As each day passes i find it easier and am actually starting to enjoy it. I have started college, got new freinds and ditched the dead weights that i dont need in my life.

It was really hard at first to have no-one to bounce off and help me. i missed the snuggles at night and company. but i love not having to consider someone else in my plans. I love that my house is generally happier and that there is more laughter. Yeah there is hard days but there were more hard days when he was here......

bright_side

SingleSue I saw your post and I certainly didn't feel it came across as feeling sorry for yourself. You are clearly an amazing lady and your story left me feeling in awe of you :T

meer53

Actually becoming a single parent was the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me. It's like being cast adrift with no land in sight.

Fast forward 10 years.

I love my single parent life. I soon realised that i felt as though i'd been set free rather than cast adrift ! I'm lucky in that my ex and i get on now (it wasn't always that way, it took a couple of years) and that my daughter (she's 12) spends time with him (son is 25 now) which gives me freedom !

I don't really have a support network as my parents aren't here anymore, grandma is in a nursing home and my brother lives over 100 miles away. But what i do have are true friends, a lot of them in the same situation, who i know i can rely on to help with anything that crops up.

Being a single parent is as hard as you make it, i know it's not easy for a lot of people but for me, it works. I work part time at the moment and am looking forward to working full time again soon now my daughter is at high school. More money !! Yippeeee !!!

Littlepinky84 has hit the nail on the head for me, my house is happy too !

tibawo

thought i'd add my piece too ... the father is not on the scene and i must admit i do miss having 'me time' to chill [sometimes the youngest follows me to the loo!!] However i have two lovely girls and people even strangers say what lovely dispositions and manners they have.

Whilst they are young i've chosen to cut my work hours and sacrifice my nights out etc so they can go to clubs, swimming etc.I see this as an investment in them rather than a bigger beer gut for me!

The one thing that really annoys me about some single parents is when they use it as an excuse for the behaviour and failings for their children. This is the image most people then adopt as the norm when as you can see from this thread its just not true!

elaine373

Do remember that you can be just as lonely in a marriage. You may be a single parent ,within a couple.you may be some-one although married, does all the sports and parents evenings for years and years.You can be sat in the same room as some-one but not able to talk to them,to share your worries. Yes you can pop out for a pint of milk,coz someone else is there whilst your babies sleep but that may be all you get out of being `married`. The emotional state of loneliness doesnt just apply to single parents.The financial burden doesn`t just apply to single parents.The day to day struggles of bringing up children doesnt apply to just single parents.I dont know if its necessary to have individual threads when both married and single parents, need support.

meer53

elaine373 wrote: »

Do remember that you can be just as lonely in a marriage. You may be a single parent ,within a couple.you may be some-one although married, does all the sports and parents evenings for years and years.You can be sat in the same room as some-one but not able to talk to them,to share your worries. Yes you can pop out for a pint of milk,coz someone else is there whilst your babies sleep but that may be all you get out of being `married`. The emotional state of loneliness doesnt just apply to single parents.The financial burden doesn`t just apply to single parents.The day to day struggles of bringing up children doesnt apply to just single parents.I dont know if its necessary to have individual threads when both married and single parents, need support.

All of that is so true. But that is a completely separate issue to single parenting, thats a relationship issue which needs completely different advice. I think it's good to have a separate thread.

clearingout

elaine373 wrote: »

Do remember that you can be just as lonely in a marriage. You may be a single parent ,within a couple.you may be some-one although married, does all the sports and parents evenings for years and years.You can be sat in the same room as some-one but not able to talk to them,to share your worries. Yes you can pop out for a pint of milk,coz someone else is there whilst your babies sleep but that may be all you get out of being `married`. The emotional state of loneliness doesnt just apply to single parents.The financial burden doesn`t just apply to single parents.The day to day struggles of bringing up children doesnt apply to just single parents.I dont know if its necessary to have individual threads when both married and single parents, need support.

elaine, I was incredibly lonely in my marriage and took sole responsibility for childcaring and our home whilst also working (although part-time, I admit). But I have to agree with meer that that situation is very different to being a 'real' single parent and the issues you face with the single parent label.

I am a good number of years down the line since separating from my now ex husband in the most horrendous circumstances (it wasn't my choice) and I am only just feeling like I'm in a genuinley happy place with a sense of independence. For me, the managing children alone, being solely responsible for everything etc. wasn't a huge shift in thinking or practicalities. What I have struggled with is other people's attitudes - the people who turn their nose up at you in the school playground, the 'friends' who stopped calling as soon as you become single, the assumption that you're on benefits and all the negativity that goes with it. It's the 'innocent' comments people make that really get me - the 'what are you going to do now your third child is in school?' followed by a 'oh, I'd love to do that (I retrained in teaching) but I couldn't afford to because I have a husband who works' or the 'I suppose we're paying for you to live in that', pointing to my house (I own it outright). I even had one woman who thought it acceptable to ask if all my children (I have three, all close in age) had the same father!

On the other hand, I now know who my friends are and I am closer to my family than I was. I still struggle with my relationship with my ex but it has got better over time and I have learnt to deal with him and ignore the worst of it. It has taken time to feel 'good' again but I got there in the end and am hopeful things will keep getting better! I do now prefer my single life to that I had when I had a husband!

emsywoo123

I have just got back from A&E with my 21 month DS. We were in from about 3pm yesterday til 10am this morning, he had emergency surgery last night.

At 4am as I was walking the wards to get him off to sleep, I thought "this is hard" and that genuinely is the first time I have thought it.

I also have a 9 year old DD who could luckily stay with my parents last night.

Kind friends offered to come and see me in hosp last night, but a) hospital policy only allows aprents on the ward at certain times and b) they're lovely, but it's not quite the same as a partner.

And on that depressing note I am off to drink some Beechams

clearingout

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I have just got back from A&E with my 21 month DS. We were in from about 3pm yesterday til 10am this morning, he had emergency surgery last night.

At 4am as I was walking the wards to get him off to sleep, I thought "this is hard" and that genuinely is the first time I have thought it.

I also have a 9 year old DD who could luckily stay with my parents last night.

Kind friends offered to come and see me in hosp last night, but a) hospital policy only allows aprents on the ward at certain times and b) they're lovely, but it's not quite the same as a partner.

And on that depressing note I am off to drink some Beechams

omg, emsy! I remember your baby being born and he's now 21 months...there's 21 months of my life spent on MSE I'm not going to get back (but at least not spent with a useless partner, I guess!). Hope he's OK and it wasn't too traumatic for you.

WantToBeSE

Hi there, another SP sticking their head through the door!
I have been a SP for 7 years. Partly out of choice, partly as i have no family etc to babysit, so i can never go out.

Biggest bonus of being a SP? Staying in my PJs all day (such as today ) and not being moaned at!!