MSE Single Parents Thread

CuppaTea

Lets face it single parents have a hard job whichever way you look at it. Male or female, you are left doing the job of two people whilst keeping yourself sane and healthy.

I wondered if a thread to discuss single parenting may be of interest or support?

Whether you are new to this or a pro what are the issues your facing? Lonliness, financial, emotional or practical? Pregnancy through to babies to adult children, special needs to mainstream children?

It must cover a fair few parents here just by reading through posts.

So if you fancy a moan or have a fantastic piece of advice to share, get typing!!

nattyt

How weird I was just moaning to my also single friend about being a single parent and how sometimes you just need some support and back up. Don't get me wrong my youngest 2 kids dad (after a few teething problems!) is a good dad but he lives 100 miles away but sometimes it would just be nice to have someone at parents evenings and sports days etc. As for the eldests dad well less said about him the better. Think the thread is a fab idea. X

Lotus-eater

I'll just say now, I don't know how you do it.

My OH works and I do the school runs, the playschool runs, the club runs, the lunchboxes, the animals, most of the picking up and dropping off.........how on earth do you do that when you are a single parent?

I would be lonely if I had to do that as a single parent. Again, how on earth do you do it?
Total respect to those of you that do.

gibson123

Only if you promise it not going to be a moany thread about how hard it is to be a single parent!

I am a single parent, my daughters Dad died when she was a baby, yes it was hard then but there are huge advantages as well.

1. You are the head of your own household, you do not have to consider another adult on things like finances.
2. You pick your own friends and have the freedom to go out (babysitters permitting) when you want.
3. Your decision is final.
4. You have your kids to yourself.
5. Lonely!! Chance would be a fine thing, your child/ren is around most of the time, or his/her friends.

Ok you have to work hard to earn money, I work full-time in a demanding job and you have to develop support networks and friendships around you, but the freedom and autonomy you have is very worth it.

JustKeepSwimming_2

I think this thread is a great idea so thanks OP & have a :beer:

gibson123 wrote: »

Only if you promise it not going to be a moany thread about how hard it is to be a single parent!

I am a single parent, my daughters Dad died when she was a baby, yes it was hard then but there are huge advantages as well.

1. You are the head of your own household, you do not have to consider another adult on things like finances.
2. You pick your own friends and have the freedom to go out (babysitters permitting) when you want.
3. Your decision is final.
4. You have your kids to yourself.
5. Lonely!! Chance would be a fine thing, your child/ren is around most of the time, or his/her friends.

Ok you have to work hard to earn money, I work full-time in a demanding job and you have to develop support networks and friendships around you, but the freedom and autonomy you have is very worth it.

I agree with you gibson123 to a certain extent about advantages, but I think it is fine to moan here about being a single parent if we feel the need to. Without wanting to sound blunt/rude/callous (but I do have a tendency to say the wrong thing so I'll apologise in advance :rotfl:) I think a lot of the things us single parents have problems with are ex partners & their families. While I can't know anything about how difficult your particular experience was/still is, I think you are in the minority of being a single parent after your OH died. I hope I haven't offended you as that is not my intention at all.

One of my major moans about being a single parent is how, after years of being a pretty disinterested father, my ex has now reinvented himself as something of a Superdad . He has remarried & had another child, & is quick to point out how everything I do is wrong & how much better they do things. We made decisions together about the children (when he was around) but somehow these joint decisions have since become my wrong decisions.

Does anyone else find that the children you had together only revert to being "your children" when they've done something wrong but are always "his kids" when they are doing well?

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I'll just say now, I don't know how you do it.

My OH works and I do the school runs, the playschool runs, the club runs, the lunchboxes, the animals, most of the picking up and dropping off.........how on earth do you do that when you are a single parent?

I would be lonely if I had to do that as a single parent. Again, how on earth do you do it?
Total respect to those of you that do.

Simple Lotus-eater - we have no choice. For those of us who have no family either then the buck stops with us. If I don't do it then noboby else will, & that feeling of always being on duty with no relief is exhausting. And gibson123 - this is when I would love for a partner to take over & just give me a break.

JustKeepSwimming_2

SingleSue - I thought your post was excellent & I take my hat off to you.

Own_My_Own

Have been a single parent of 2 since my dd was 6 weeks old. Their Dad decided there was more to life than a curry and a dvd on a Friday night, so he left. (There was more to it than that, but that's what he said !)

The only time I have felt lonely has been when one of the children has been unwell. It would be nice to be able to share the worry.

CuppaTea

Just wanted to let you know that I am reading and visiting this thread, I just didn't want to "own" it or it be about me, so I'm just letting it run its course for now. I will post later. I'm finding encouragement in reading all your thoughts.

SingleSue

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

SingleSue - I thought your post was excellent & I take my hat off to you.

Thanks, I decided to remove my post as it was posted after a rather horrendous day when I was feeling very sorry for myself and pretty peed off with life in general.

Back to my normal bouncy self tonight though!

Jinx

I have a 20 year old daughter and was a single parent from when she was 3-13, so my tuppence worth:

The upsides: no arguing over the rules etc, you're the only adult in the house
quality time for you and your child
can go on holiday with friends in similar situation
finances, you decide if the bonus goes on takeaways or a holiday
you get the night off when the child goes to the ex-spouse
child has two sets of xmas pressies
hopefully the child gains step-parents who have her best interests at heart

The downsides: childcare provision
only you to collect sick child from school
no-one to start dinner, take rubbish out or just generally help out
No one to snuggle up to
when arguments get a bit heated there isnt a partner to help defuse the situation

I've actually decided that in my case it was easier to bring up my child on my own (with support from her dad and our families) and then marry someone else when she was much bigger! lol Im sure that says more about me than anything else though.... hohum

SingleSue

Jinx wrote: »

you get the night off when the child goes to the ex-spouse

Oh if only.......my ex spouse prefers to only see them for a couple of hours (yes, literally 2 hours) a year.