I have a friend ............

Torry_Quine

marleyboy wrote: »

Completely agree with this. The girl confided in her Aunt, the most her aunt could do is try to talk her into discussing it with her Mum\Dad. If anything or however wrong or terrible a situation is. Children should feel there are people out their who they can trust enough to confide their personal problems with discretely, without fear of it going any further.

100% agree here. The parent(s) may well wish to know but its absolutely the girl's decision. If the aunt didn't know that would be very different and it would be wise for someone to know to support her but she does have the aunt.

Its a bad situation whatever happens but breaking her confidence could have long term repurcussions that no-one would want.

raven83

Person_one wrote: »

That's why the aunt should take her to Brook or Marie Stopes, they can help both the 13 year old and then the parents if she decides to tell them.

It can be hard when you're a decent person to get your head around the fact that lots aren't. There was a 'dad' on DT recently talking boastfully about how he'd convinced his daughter to keep a baby she didn't want, even fostering the child for several months as she still didn't want it after the birth. Look at people like Shafilea Ahmed's parents.

We have no idea what this girl's parents are like, or their views on the subject. Even if they knew the decision should still be entirely down to her, not them.

Well I never wanted my parents to know and in some ways that was the right thing to do in other ways then I am not so sure.

Yeah we don't know what her parents are like and it is good she has confinded in someone she obviously trusts, so at least she will have someone who can be there for her after and give her support if she needs it. It is better the aunty knows other than no one at all, and the girl goes through this alone like I did because at 13 that isn't something to carry around without having someone to at least talk to.

shegirl

Nicki wrote: »

As the mum of sons and a daughter, why is it only the mother of the boy in this case who is "!!!! poor" and "irresponsible"? Surely both children bear equal responsibility for this pregnancy, and any parenting deficits are identical?

Well yeah,but the boys mother lied to the girls mother then went out drinking.Hence the comments about her

Nicki

shegirl wrote: »

Well yeah,but the boys mother lied to the girls mother then went out drinking.Hence the comments about her

I read the thread on my phone the first time and missed that bit!

Yes, that is woeful parenting on the part of the boy's mother, if that's how it happened.

marleyboy

raven83 wrote: »

It is all very well saying the child has a right to confidentiality but if it was your child wouldn't you want to know? I went through this myself and carried the burden for many years, if I had told my parents then, they could of supported me emotionally, instead I went off the rails, turned to drink and drugs at 16 because I couldn't cope with how I felt and the self loathing I felt inside. 13 is still a child and the mind is still not mature enough of that of say a 16/17 year old.

Yes I would want to know, but would hope my child felt safe enough to discuss it with me by themselves. The crunch is in your sentence "If I had told my parents", the same would apply to the child in this case.

If a child cannot tell their parents, I would rather they could tell somebody, than feel they need to keep it to themselves and suffer in silence for fear of their parents finding out. That would apply to my own child too.

jellyhead

heretolearn wrote: »

Every time abortions are mentioned on here, up pop people who had a bad experience/know someone who had a bad experience, and then want to insist it absolutely has to be doom and gloom for everyone else as well.

The person I mention - I wasn't saying she had a bad experience - she recovered from the abortion quickly - I was saying she didn't feel listened to and she didn't feel that SHE made the decision. She would have chosen adoption.

I agree with everyone who says the girl should talk to somebody impartial. If an abortion is what she wants, then she should be allowed to have one without anyone interfering. I hope she feels able to tell her parents once she's got her head around the situation though, and I hope they support her in whichever decision she makes.

Yorkie1

emweaver wrote: »

There is having privacy and then keeping such a massive life changing decision from your parents. Her parents do have a right to know they are responsible for her care and even if the girl feels this is the right decision now I guarantee there will be a long term effect on her mental health of which she will need support.

emweaver wrote: »

13 is not old enough to make such an important life changing decision!

ccarpet wrote: »

13 Is old enough to get an abortion without the consent or knowledge of your parents. The Law thinks so even if you don't.

Emweaver, whatever your personal views are, you are incorrect on whether the parents have a legal right to be informed. Ccarpet is correct.

The House of Lords in the Gillick case 30 years ago held that an under-16 year old could be competent to make their own decisions and that their parent did not have a right to make those decisions or be involved in them.

It is a factual test, different for each young person, and the test is as follows:
"...whether or not a child is capable of giving the necessary consent will depend on the child’s maturity and understanding and the nature of the consent required. The child must be capable of making a reasonable assessment of the advantages and disadvantages of the treatment proposed, so the consent, if given, can be properly and fairly described as true consent."

Source: NSPCC

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Statutory rape can be investigated once the issue of the pregnancy is resolved, the 'deed' has been done but a pregnancy/ abortion could affect her for life.

Can I just repeat that this is not a statutory rape case because the girl is 13 years old.

Darlyd

OK that night I was on about wasnt the boys mum it was his mates mum that lied. (His mum passed away)

The girl told my DD and she told me, I spoke to the girl. I was like uhhh ermmm have you any other family member you can confide in or the school nurse at least, she told me her aunty so I took her round there and left them to it.

No update as yet, I do hope she tells her mum though, I would be furious if my DD didn't tell me if were about her.

Errata

It is a factual test, different for each young person, and the test is as follows:
"...whether or not a child is capable of giving the necessary consent will depend on the child’s maturity and understanding and the nature of the consent required. The child must be capable of making a reasonable assessment of the advantages and disadvantages of the treatment proposed, so the consent, if given, can be properly and fairly described as true consent."

Fair enough and one can understand how that would work in the case of a young teenager deciding they've had enough of, say, treatment for cancer to prolong their life by only six months.
Treatment is one thing, an abotion is something else and can in no way be described as treatment.

Torry_Quine

darlyd wrote: »

OK that night I was on about wasnt the boys mum it was his mates mum that lied. (His mum passed away)

The girl told my DD and she told me, I spoke to the girl. I was like uhhh ermmm have you any other family member you can confide in or the school nurse at least, she told me her aunty so I took her round there and left them to it.

No update as yet, I do hope she tells her mum though, I would be furious if my DD didn't tell me if were about her.

Thanks for the update. Your daughter was right to tell you and you were to encourage her to tell her aunt.