I have a friend ............

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

emweaver wrote: »

There is having privacy and then keeping such a massive life changing decision from your parents. Her parents do have a right to know they are responsible for her care and even if the girl feels this is the right decision now I guarantee there will be a long term effect on her mental health of which she will need support.

You should not encourage children to keep such important secrets from their parents.

She may choose to have an abortion purely because she feels her parents would go mad and shes too scared to keep the baby no matter how much she really wants to . yet her parents might be supportive of her decision to keep it.

And equally, they could frogmarch her down to the clinic to get rid of it before the poor kid has a chance to think about what she actually wants to do. The best thing would be to get her seen confidentially by a professional, get it confirmed and dated and then she can approach her mother if she chooses to do so.

Person_one

emweaver wrote: »

Her parents do have a right to know

Honestly, they really don't. Not legally or in any other way.

sedment

How very sad this situation is. If this girl has approached her aunt for support, thats a start. Maybe this child needs to, as someone above has suggested, have someone independant to the situation to talk to, to help her decide whether or not to tell her parents.
I cant imagine how scared this poor girl is right now

Fire_Fox

It's all very well saying to criticise the boy but we don't know how old he is, boys are less mature emotionally than girls of the same age. Statutory rape can be investigated once the issue of the pregnancy is resolved, the 'deed' has been done but a pregnancy/ abortion could affect her for life.

The parents DO NOT have the right to know, it would certainly be ideal if the aunt could support the daughter in telling them but it IS NOT right for parents to know in every case. For example some Asian families might throw their daughter out and isolate her, some more militant Christian families might be vehemently against abortion and not allow the girl to choose. Not saying this is the case here but we are not all lucky enough to have parents who will support us no matter what.

marleyboy

Person_one wrote: »

The aunt absolutely cannot and should not take it upon herself to tell the girl's mother. She may only be 13 but she still has the right to privacy regarding this and to make her own decision. She's gone to the aunt for support and to completely betray her trust at what is already an incredibly difficult time would be devastating.

Completely agree with this. The girl confided in her Aunt, the most her aunt could do is try to talk her into discussing it with her Mum\Dad. If anything or however wrong or terrible a situation is. Children should feel there are people out their who they can trust enough to confide their personal problems with discretely, without fear of it going any further.

raven83

It is all very well saying the child has a right to confidentiality but if it was your child wouldn't you want to know? I went through this myself and carried the burden for many years, if I had told my parents then, they could of supported me emotionally, instead I went off the rails, turned to drink and drugs at 16 because I couldn't cope with how I felt and the self loathing I felt inside. 13 is still a child and the mind is still not mature enough of that of say a 16/17 year old.

heretolearn_2

I agree that there may be valid reasons beyond the natural reluctance why the girl doesn't feel able to tell her parents. I feel sorry for the aunt, whatever she does, is going to be wrong either in the girl's eyes or the girl's parents.

My advice would be to accompany the girl along to Marie Stopes or similar for their initial consultation and discussions. I believe they will try to encourage the girl to tell parents if at all possible, but respect her right to confidentiality if not.

I mainly wanted to comment on a couple of posts that are quite adamant that an abortion will cause emotional disturbance/issues with mental health.

'even if the girl feels this is the right decision now I guarantee there will be a long term effect on her mental health of which she will need support.'..and there was another post mentioning long term mental health.

these posts simply aren't true. Yes, SOME who have abortions have regrets/guilt/mental health issues afterwards due to the abortions. But most women don't. Most women are fine. There's no way to tell who will and who won't, although it being someone's own decision and not something done due to others' pressure would seem to be a very obvious factor in this, to me.To say you can 'guarantee' someone will have mental health issues because of an abortion is a little bit silly.

Every time abortions are mentioned on here, up pop people who had a bad experience/know someone who had a bad experience, and then want to insist it absolutely has to be doom and gloom for everyone else as well.

Errata

ccarpet wrote: »

13 Is old enough to get an abortion without the consent or knowledge of your parents. The Law thinks so even if you don't.

That may be so, but the law won't prevent the girl looking very, very peaky after an abortion and her parents wanting to know why.

robpw2

heretolearn wrote: »

these posts simply aren't true. Yes, SOME who have abortions have regrets/guilt/mental health issues afterwards due to the abortions. But most women don't. Most women are fine. There's no way to tell who will and who won't, although it being someone's own decision and not something done due to others' pressure would seem to be a very obvious factor in this, to me.To say you can 'guarantee' someone will have mental health issues because of an abortion is a little bit silly.
.

but the majority of women , are not 13 years old , going through a mix of emotions, dealing with puberty and scared to talk to their parents about it

yes aborition is all about the individuals choice but not to highlight the likelyhood of problems that could follow would be irresponsible

Person_one

raven83 wrote: »

It is all very well saying the child has a right to confidentiality but if it was your child wouldn't you want to know? I went through this myself and carried the burden for many years, if I had told my parents then, they could of supported me emotionally, instead I went off the rails, turned to drink and drugs at 16 because I couldn't cope with how I felt and the self loathing I felt inside. 13 is still a child and the mind is still not mature enough of that of say a 16/17 year old.

That's why the aunt should take her to Brook or Marie Stopes, they can help both the 13 year old and then the parents if she decides to tell them.

It can be hard when you're a decent person to get your head around the fact that lots aren't. There was a 'dad' on DT recently talking boastfully about how he'd convinced his daughter to keep a baby she didn't want, even fostering the child for several months as she still didn't want it after the birth. Look at people like Shafilea Ahmed's parents.

We have no idea what this girl's parents are like, or their views on the subject. Even if they knew the decision should still be entirely down to her, not them.