I have a friend ............

charlie3090

i agree,mum needs to know,what if ,god forbid ,there are complications?.

Idiophreak

If the girl's not mature enough to tell her mum, she's not mature enough to make such a massive decision on her own...So I really think the "friend" should tell the girl's mum. Probably won't be the favourite aunty for a while, but it's the right thing to do.

raven83

What an awful situation. I think the boyfriends so called mum has a lot to answer for. This will affect the girl long term emotionally so it would help having her mums support. But yes you can have a termination without your parents knowing, I had one at that age, albeit under different circumstances though, never really got over it.

Person_one

The aunt absolutely cannot and should not take it upon herself to tell the girl's mother. She may only be 13 but she still has the right to privacy regarding this and to make her own decision. She's gone to the aunt for support and to completely betray her trust at what is already an incredibly difficult time would be devastating.

We have no idea what the mother's reaction would be, maybe she has very strong views on the subject and would try to force the girl to conform to them one way or another?

The best thing for the aunt to do is to take the girl to see someone far more qualified to help her such as a Brook or Marie Stopes advisor. They will sit with her while she tells her mum if that's what she wants or they will help her obtain an abortion on her own if that's what's best.

Its not up to the aunt, and mothers don't have the 'right' to know regardless of how much they may want to.

janninew

Person_one wrote: »

The aunt absolutely cannot and should not take it upon herself to tell the girl's mother. She may only be 13 but she still has the right to privacy regarding this and to make her own decision. She's gone to the aunt for support and to completely betray her trust at what is already an incredibly difficult time would be devastating.

We have no idea what the mother's reaction would be, maybe she has very strong views on the subject and would try to force the girl to conform to them one way or another?

The best thing for the aunt to do is to take the girl to see someone far more qualified to help her such as a Brook or Marie Stopes advisor. They will sit with her while she tells her mum if that's what she wants or they will help her obtain an abortion on her own if that's what's best.

Its not up to the aunt, and mothers don't have the 'right' to know regardless of how much they may want to.

Totally agree with this, the girl for whatever reason has chosen to confide in her Aunt and not her Mum. We don't know the reason why, maybe they don't have a great relationship and she doesn't feel able to talk to her. I think its good that she felt able to talk to her Aunt and isn't totally alone.

I think the Aunt telling the girls Mum would be a terrible idea, the girl will lose all trust in her and may feel that in the future she has nobody to confide in about important issues.

I can totally understand how her Mum would feel not to be told, I have a Daughter of my own and would be devastated, but its not about the Mum's feelings, but the Daughter and she has right to privacy.

emweaver

There is having privacy and then keeping such a massive life changing decision from your parents. Her parents do have a right to know they are responsible for her care and even if the girl feels this is the right decision now I guarantee there will be a long term effect on her mental health of which she will need support.

You should not encourage children to keep such important secrets from their parents.

She may choose to have an abortion purely because she feels her parents would go mad and shes too scared to keep the baby no matter how much she really wants to . yet her parents might be supportive of her decision to keep it.

emweaver

Does the girl actually want an abortion or are you and her aunty just assuming this is what she wants?

emweaver

ccarpet wrote: »

She is 13 not a toddler. Yes she is young but she should be old enough to be aware of birth control and abortions and was mature enough to confide in someone.

If her Mother is told then that is a complete abuse of privacy, best to get her to a child planning clinic or similar as soon as and let ger deal with rational professionals.

13 is not old enough to make such an important life changing decision!

You have to be 18 to have a tatoo, drink, smoke etc and 16 to have sex, get your body pierced etc without your parents consent but you feel that 13 is mature enough to decide to keep / end a pregnancy?

emweaver

ccarpet wrote: »

She isn't a "child" but a teenager and therefore needs to be respected as one.
Therefore her privacy must be valued and she needs to see someone professional in confidence, abortion or not.

teenagers are still children also 13 is only just a teenager.

jellyhead

emweaver wrote: »

I'm not sure if her parents need to know but they SHOULD KNOW. Her aunty needs to tell the mother. If my sister knew my DD was pregnant, helped her make such an important decision and not tell me I would be furious.

Such an important life changing decision and she is so young and confused she needs her parents right now.

But what if the aunt tells the parents and then the girl never trusts another adult again, and there's nobody to advise her about other things she might be confused about while she's growing up.

I think the aunt should try to persuade the girl to tell her mum, but not take it upon herself to break the girl's trust without the girl's consent. Has she asked the girl why she wants it to be a secret?

And is she sure that the girl really wants an abortion? I only ask because one of my relatives had an abortion in her teens because she felt coerced into it by all the adults advising her, but she actually didn't want to terminate the pregnancy - what she'd have preferred to do was give the baby up for adoption. Her parents wouldn't allow that though, because then everyone would know that she was pregnant, and might judge them for not adopting the child themselves. She always regretted not standing up for herself.

Another girl had the baby and her parents are bringing it up. I don't know the child personally but I know her cousin. Is this something the girl is worried might happen?