Opinions Please - Work Issue.

Northern_Princess

I work in a team of 6 women. We generally all get along but all hell has broken loose in the past 2 weeks.

Basically myself and another lady have teenage children from age 16 upwards, two girls have no children and two other ladies have young families ageing from 2yrs - 5 yrs of age. We all sort out our lunch hours between ourselves and also work flexi time which allows us to take more than an hour for lunch if we have enough flexi time and as long as the phones are covered.

A few weeks ago the two girls with young kids asked if it was ok with everyone if they could take extended lunch breaks as their wee ones were starting nursery for afternoon sessions. This wasn't an issue with me, after all it's not easy working and trying to juggle family life. But it was an issue with the other lady whose children are teenagers. She made SUCH a fuss for no reason. These girls asked a good week in advance if it was ok with everyone else so we all had plenty of notice. On the day the girls were due to have their extended lunches she decided she needed a longer break the same day to pick up stuff she'd ordered from Argos then got huffy when it was pointed out the other two girls were out of the office so the phones needed covering.

This morning we were discussing who was putting in flexi time for Christmas Eve. (we only work until 3pm). We normally rotate who has Christmas Eve off. Myself and other lady with teenagers were offered last year off, but I tend to offer one of the girls with young families the time as I don't see the point in taking it as I finish at 3 anyway. The otherr lady had lastmyear off.The girl I offered it to last year asked me today as I'd worked for her last year would I like this year off, I said no it's ok, I don't mind working as I remember how nice it was when my kids were small to have extra time with them. Well, at this grumpy pants who had it off last year went into a tirade about why should people with young children be offered the time off :eek: She seems to have a real issue with the two girls with young kids as the other two girls who don't have kids are like me and do what we can if the ones with the young kids need holidays at a certain time etc.

I said to grumpy this morning 'Aw come on, do you not wish when your kids were small someone would have given you a bit of a break when it came to time off'. She's not spoken to me since!

I think she's being unreasonable, she normally gets what time off she wants as do we all.

It got me wondering, do you help out people at your place of work with wee ones if they need time off/holidays at a certain time of year etc?

Gigglepig

I think it is lovely of you to want to be nice to the ladies with young children and that you want to give them a break.

However I can also see the point of view of people with older children/no children etc - that at work they want to be treated the same. Other people's children are not their problem.

I can see why it is a bit disappointing that someone with kids isn't more understanding.

Perhaps this woman was not lucky enough to meet someone else as nice as you when she had small kids, and now she wants everyone else to have a tough time just like she did?

elsien

I think it partly depends on the job you do. And as a childless person, I don't mind on the odd occasion if someone reciprocates for me in turn but I would become very resentful very quickly if it turned into an expectation that people with young children generally come first. I also have a life and other commitments to work round, so I'd get a bit grumpy as well if I thought I was having to come second behind the families. I'd personally also like to leave early on Christmas Eve to give me more time with my family, kids or not.

My job is shiftwork to include weekends, bank holidays etc. So the expectation is we all do our share. If that's a problem for you, don't take the job. As far as compromising goes, we all say what we'd like then try to work it round each other, so I avoid school hols like the plague whereas other people want them. However if for any reason I wanted time off in August, I'd expect it to be done so that we all had the same options, I'd be quite unhappy to be at the end of the line because I didn't have young children.

BitterAndTwisted

Do what you want and what you think is fair to everyone. In your position I would not be siding with anyone, and not Mrs Grumpy in particular because if and when the !!!!!! hits the fan, your line-manager will be looking very closely at who has been the least cooperative or friendly and the most disruptive to harmony.

It can be disappointing when parents with young children seem to get first dibs on time away from the office, when those who have fewer family responsibilities don't, but that's often just the way it is.

*Louise*

For hubby's workplace it tends to be that people with young children will get the day off after Christmas while those without children will get the day after New Year so it all works out and everyone is happy.

TheConways

I wonder if Ms Grumpy Chops feels that because she didn't have any "special dispensation" when she had children, no-one else should either.

I think it's really nice for you to stick up for the other two girls, and would likely do the same in the circumstances. All Ms. Grumpy Chops is ensuring, is that when she needs a favour, no-one will be willing to help out.

If she's ignoring you, I would wait until she comes to you rather than saying anything to her. Let her stew a bit - it's nothing to you!

NickyBat

I'm lucky in as much as where i work i (had to fight) work part time, part year so effectively i'm off when the kids are off.

This does create a lot of chatter and "banter" in the office but what people fail to realise it costs me thousands to be able to do this. Before i had children it never bothered me and i - like you- was always more than happy to let those with kids have first dibs.

i would ignore grumpy, she'll get over it.

Mrs.W_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

..

It can be disappointing when parents with young children seem to get first dibs on time away from the office, when those who have fewer family responsibilities don't, but that's often just the way it is.

Good point. Parents of school age children often plan for the year ahead giving consideration to things child-free and paticularly single people don't need to think about.

Example: When they book that afternoon off in the lead up to Christmas, six months in advance, they'll be attending a school nativity or play.

olibrofiz

When my DD was younger I worked with 2 women who also had youngish kids, 1 who had late teens, and 2 who had none. It was a bit difficult at times as one of the ones with no kids ALWAYS took her holidays during half term/school holidays - we just smiled at the thought of wherever she went on her hols she'd be surrounded by screaming kids (she hated them, lol).

I'd work my hours around someone with little 'uns, I remember how time draining it can be.

euronorris

Has anyone actually spoken to this woman to get a better understanding of why she is upset, especially in comparison to past years? Maybe there is more to the story than others, or even she, is letting on? ie, one of the other girls could've been rude about it, or she could have something going on at home that demands more of her time/attention but doesn't want to share that with the office (I'm thinking sick relative, marriage troubles etc).

I think it's a bit harsh to judge her, and call her grumpy pants, without actually trying to understand her viewpoint by talking to her about it.

At our work, we operate flexi time too, and we cover each others work where needed. Recently, I've been doing a lot of that for a colleague who is a new mum. I don't mind, especially as this favour has been returned recently with me trying to support OH with his burnout. Had it not worked both ways like that, well......I'd be mightily p*ssed off to say the least!

dizziblonde

Perhaps she's annoyed at what she sees as a precedent being set that she feels in future years will mean that it's deemed all women without young kids HAVE to do Xmas or late finishes or something similar? (And I always found really offensive the assumption the childless ones would be delighted with New Year off to nurse a hangover - never mind they might have long travels to do to be with aging parents or whatever for Xmas Eve - the underlying assumption was always that they'd just want to get trollied)

Perhaps she's just annoyed at you having the attitude of her being "grumpy pants"... perhaps she has reasons she'd want to be able to use her flexi time and sees you bending over backwards and is getting pressure put on her to do the same and she's unhappy about that? The assumption that it's ONLY if you've got young kids that you deserve consideration with booking holidays, shift rotas, use of flexi annoys me even now.

I'd be willing to bet she's getting it in the neck to do the same as you and she's got whatever reasons she has (as valid to her as the ones of the mums of young 'uns are to them) for not wanting to do so.