Should I help my OH subsidise his nasty ex so the kids can see their Mum?

Fire_Fox

19lottie82 wrote: »

FF - I could argue with you but the job thing is another kettle of fish that has been debated already. Some people have different views to others which is fair enough.

For the record I don't think she is declaring the £ she is receiveing on top of her benefits, but that's not my business....

As a taxpayer and UK citizen it's as much your business as what your husband chooses to shell out in child support. It's everyone's responsibility to address benefit fraud - that money comes out of taxation, hitting households on a low income particularly hard. If the ex was sanctioned the drop in income might be the push she needs to apply for the Tesco vacancies without you getting the blame.

When was the last time you supported yourself on minimum wage or a low income? As you know food, transport and energy costs have increased massively in the last few years. I only turn my heating on when it snows! :eek: I'm not defending this specific woman because she sounds like a nightmare, I'm more defending singletons and those on JSA generally - two groups that have fallen even further below the poverty line over the last decade.

19lottie82 wrote: »

I have lived alone and supported myself since I was 18 (including on NMW jobs), what made you think otherwise (out of curiosity)?

It wasn't a rhetorical question, I do actually want to know when the last time was, you are not living alone at present. What made me ask was you thinking that £350 rent out of a £900 wage was no problem. Living with two to four income streams in the household is a different kettle of fish to living with one income stream - nobody to share the cost of the TV license or landline with, let alone the heating and council tax. Living on a low income now is a completely different kettle of fish to even a five years ago.

Face1992

She does NOT need £100 a week on top of her income support payments to feed the kids. Period. She's taking the mick because your OH is a soft touch because of the kids. They are her meal ticket until the youngest gets to 18. She's taking the mick because she is being allowed to.

19lottie82

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I do actually want to know when the last time was, you are not living alone at present..

Yes I am. Where did you pick up that I wasn't?

19lottie82

Face1992 wrote: »

She does NOT need £100 a week on top of her income support payments to feed the kids. Period. She's taking the mick because your OH is a soft touch because of the kids. They are her meal ticket until the youngest gets to 18. She's taking the mick because she is being allowed to.

Exactly.

FF - Again, the job issue is another matter altogether which has been hashed out already (you have your opinion and i have mine), I'd rather stick to the topic discussed above. Thanks.

amus

Personally OP I think you and your partner seem very reasonable and have been very generous with this woman.

If she cant care enough about her kids to buy them a birthday present (even if its a token gift from a pound shop), and thinks it is appropriate to sell a car to fund herself going on a hen night, I would give her absolutely nothing.

How people can stick up for this excuse for a mother (from what you have said) is beyond me.

She's managed to give up alcohol for her kids, good for her, wonderful. Now maybe she can start sorting herself out to be in a position to pay for her daughters.

Face1992

amus wrote: »

Personally OP I think you and your partner seem very reasonable and have been very generous with this woman.

If she cant care enough about her kids to buy them a birthday present, and thinks it is appropriate to sell a car to fund herself going on a hen night, I would give her absolutely nothing.

How people can stick up for this excuse for a mother (from what you have said) is beyond me.

She's managed to give up alcohol for her kids, good for her, wonderful. Now maybe she can start sorting herself out to be in a position to pay for her daughters.

Exactly right.

DuckEggGingham

Something is not adding up for me. You sound almost devoted to these children OP and that is really commendable don't get me wrong. Its quite refreshing to read.

The problem for me is despite your caring for these kids you have NO idea regarding her driving licence status. You said she had it taken away but it was given back but you do not know the details. You seem to be quite wishy washy with that yet you can tell us how many nights she goes out, when she has her hair done, what jobs she is not applying for, what the kids do in her flat etc... yet given your partner brought her the car and paid running costs ( as you mentioned in your previous post) did the issue of her driving licence not come up at all? Were you not concerned for the kids given how much you seem to care for them? I just do not understand how you can discuss haircuts with your partner but not the kids safety?

It seems from this thread the only thing your partner does not do for his ex is cut up her food for her and if this is the case I think you are being very patient and understanding. But for me, something is not adding up. I do though wish you lots of luck sorting things.

19lottie82

DEG - I trust my partner in regards to this issue. Believe me there is NO WAY he would let the kids get in a car with her if he wasn't sure that she was legally allowed (thus insured) to drive it.

FBaby

The key issue is who pays for those things that don't need to be paid for twice? That is school meals, school uniforms, school outings, clothing, activities, birthday presents to friends, mobile for the eldest if appropriate, bus fair if appropriate etc... These are the things that all together costs much more than food.

If your OH is paying all these AND give her £400 just towards food and the extra gas/electricity, then he is a complete fool. If however there is an expectation that out of this £400, she pays for the school meals on the days they are with her, same with activities, presents etc..., it is a bit more understanding, although it is still a massive amount. It would mean that the kids cost about £1000 a month, that's a lot for two kids that age....

Sambucus_Nigra

Fire_Fox wrote: »

It wasn't a rhetorical question, I do actually want to know when the last time was, you are not living alone at present. What made me ask was you thinking that £350 rent out of a £900 wage was no problem.

The op said 'So, the problem is this….. we are considering moving in together next year. At the moment he lives in a flat which is a bit far out from the girls school / friends. I also live in a small flat.'

So the answer is the last time was today.