Flying solo

please-let-me-be-lucky

Gee squiz Robin, no wonder you didn't sleep my love! Poor you and DS2. GF sounds very toxic. Big hugs to you Xx

*Robin*

It's still quiet at the Nest so let's catch up a bit more..

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

I'm super impressed with the toad catching story :eek: You are a braver woman than me that's for sure! I hope no more find their way to your nest now, but I guess if they do you know what to do now (now have visions of your fridge being filled with comatosed toads in tupperware :rotfl:).

Thanks for popping in, DFw - oh crikey, just remembered I promised to pm you.. Sorry sorry, hope you weren't holding your breath! (Noted here so I remember, when life isn't quite so busy).
Gosh the toad - seems like a long time ago. Still check the plant-pot-pond several times a day - toad-catching-kit handily placed to one side - but thus far no more have shown up, thank goodness (fridge is too full to accommodate a toad atm!).
Birthday is but a memory too, and DH's - which only Divo Four [and I] marked this year (he called me from the location of DH's favourite birthday treat :A).

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

DS2...I don't know what drug you are talking about but it sounds extreme :eek: I hope you find a solution soon, I would be looking for a second opinion

Ah, the second opinion. Well, DS2 returned to the Nest without his hospital discharge paperwork (which he's supposed to carry on his person, with his ID etc). GF had decided to look after it for him.
Then followed hours of too-ing and fro-ing via 'phone-calls and internet, into the next day.
Here's a sample:
"You won't need those papers." "Yes we do; the doctor will want to read DS' recent medical history."
"Tell the doctor to 'phone me - I'll explain." "You are not a doctor. Don Antonio wants to see what DS' doctor wrote."
"I can't work Mum's scanner, there's no-one to ask." "Send the pages through your 'phone."
"I've sent them." "Nothing has arrived - please try sending to DS' email account."
"Ok I've done that." "DS can't access his email account - he says only you know his log-in. Have you changed it?"
"Yes." "Please tell DS the new password you set."
"***********" "Hallelujah!"
................. "Sorry, one of the 'photos off your 'phone is too blurred to read. Please can you re-send page one?"
"It's boring." "Not for Don Antonio - he'll be interested."
"Ok." "Sorry, that was page four. Please send [detailed description of page one]."

^^^That is very much an annotated version of the exchange!

It was midday on Friday before we had a full set of legible copies - horrendously tight on time - but we went for it. DS was by then happily convinced that a second opinion was a great idea.

During the twenty minute journey, DS & GF had two 'phone conversations.
DS put his mobile on the doctor's desk..
Half an hour into the consultation, DS picked up his 'phone and started talking into it. GF's voice replied - she had been listening the whole time! :eek:
Demanding to speak to Don Antonio, she then rattled off at full speed for over another half an hour! Poor doctor, he could only get the occasional sympathetic mmm into her tirade..
(Meanwhile, gobsmacked, muggins was desperately trying to remember whether I'd said anything I wouldn't have done, had I realised GF was spying - yes that's what it felt like! The fact that she'd done it with Divo Two's active collusion was - well, am still trying to work out this twist ).

Unfortunately the Phlebotomist had left the clinic at 1200, so any hope of comparison blood tests was instantly scotched. Don.A said we should return on Monday for blood tests including a drug screen, and to speak to him again, by which time he would have contacted the doctor who has DS' records (including the second diagnosis - Don.A wondered whether the doctors in Madrid knew anything at all about DS' history?).

By the time we stood up and shook hands, DS' behaviour was becoming - odder. He'd argued with Don.A for ten minutes, saying that water and alcohol are identical so he can drink booze without ill-effects.. He chewed gum, he yawned and stretched, he excused himself to go to the loo.
I was almost hoping Don.A would recommend hospital, but he didn't. DS promised he wouldn't touch any more alcohol, and would take the medication he's got - Don.A said it's correct for the current diagnosis, and it would be dangerous to change it without further investigations - come back on Monday.**
**Which brings up another problem..

Don.A gave us an hour and forty minutes - consultation only terminated when it became likely that both his car and the van would get locked inside a private car park until Monday (lovely lady; 1€ a go to protect one's vehicle from the attentions of desperate souls - but all her clientèle are advised that the gates are locked at two o'clock sharp. She waited ten minutes for us, bless her ).

Spend: Even though we couldn't get a sample of DS' blood taken, Don.A's time and advice was an absolute bargain at £27!

On the way home we collected Clever Dog's latest blood tests. GF 'phoned again; a wicked streak prompted me to suggest that DS might tell her his Mum wasn't satisfied with the doctor, so now we were going to consult the vet! Gleefully, he did so!** :rotfl:
**Ok it was a bad joke - prompted calls from GF at ten minute intervals for the next hour, then DS chose to switch off his mobile.
Dear Vet's printer wouldn't produce CD's results. In her office, DV wrote the significant changes on my copy of the previous tests, by which time DS and the other vet had dismantled their offending printer, and DS was picking through a box of spares they'd got for it. Took another half hour to fix - he wasn't leaving until it was working properly (turned very ratty when Other Vet said they'd call someone in).
More spends: Gloop - £10. CD's meds - £30.

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

I hope when he is well he appreciates what a great mum he has in going out of her way to help him.

You are too kind. You're only catching a glimpse of one view - atm DS2 only occasionally thinks I have his best interests at heart - and as for GF's opinion of me.. :cool:
Hopefully Divo One has turned up just in time.

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

I wish I had had the same when I had depression, instead I was on my own with an absent husband and a Dr who as soon as she heard I was a forces wife and my hubby was on tour asked if i'd like some prozac :eek: shocking really! I have to say it was alternative therapies that helped me in the end but it's not for everyone. I really hope he's more like his normal self very soon!

I'm sorry you didn't get enough support during your dark days.. Busy doctors think in boxes;** not so long ago prozac was drug of choice for all sorts of problems. No longer handed out with gay abandon, thank goodness.

You have done so well, to find coping mechanisms which allowed you to build a ladder out of the despondent, soul-destroying pit. Buy hey, you're a woman and a mum - giving up was not an option, was it?
Can see from your writing how far you have come; hope you're proud of your achievement. Awesome. :T

**In a way DS may be a victim of the box problem too; twice now he's been handed the most common diagnosis, despite not having the main symptoms which are always present in said disorder.

Sun_Addict

And that's just a quiet day at the nest! At least you'll never be bored Robin. Hope all is well tonight.

Fudgefund

[QUOTE=If_so,_and_you've_still_got_the_foam_cast,_then_it'd_be_worth_getting_hold_of_some_Comfrey_salve_to_slather_on_all_around_the_damaged_joint.__"Knitbone"_is_the_old_name;_really_does_seem_to_speed_up_bone_regrowth_particularly_for_'seniors'_-_Aunt_was_given_it_on_prescription_when_she_broke_both_her_wrists_(in_Holland).__Having_seen_your_post,_I_asked_the_pharmacist_here_about_it_last_night;_yes_it's_often_used_these_days_unless_the_break_is_in_plaster_(therefore_inaccessible).[/QUOTE]

I haven't heard anyone mention comfrey in years! I love the smell, reminds me of childhood.

I would have to agree with PLMBL's summation of GF, very difficult situation for a Mother to deal with. Hopefully when Divo2 is feeling himself again he'll begin to process all this.

You're doing really well in the circumstances, keep your pecker up.

grannyx2

Wow Robin, all I can say is ((((Robin)))) my dear friend. You think when your offspring grow up they'll bring less worry but instead they just bring different....

Agree with Lucky, GF sounds toxic

Granny x

kazwookie

Oh dea, the GF needs dumping, changing his password etc, well out of order, listening in to phone conversations etc IMO

Hugs to you

missrlr

Oh my goodness gracious me Robin I am in AWE of your ability to remain coherent and sane! I would probably be locked up after letting rip and telling far too many unvarnished truths, which whilst honest is the best policy, diplomacy has to play a part. What a piece of work GF is! I do hope you have told Divo1 about this, it is ridiculous! Presumably love goggles are firmly in place and facts are like water of a duck's back here?

So hoping the doctor can run the relevant tests and talk some sense to Divo2 with medical facts which can help with the medication side and help Divo2 get his life back on track.

Can you change the password for his email account why on are earth did GF change it in the first place? Talk about taking liberties!

Anyway, I shall stop being quite so indignant on your behalf and remember my manners. Thanks for the reminder about comfrey. I used it extensively on horses in the past. Just wondering where I can get some from now, will have to do some online investigating and then dispatch someone to purchase for me.

Do hope you can continue with the positive attitude and resist the urge to wring GF's interfering neck with her ridiculous attitude. Many hugs to you all.

debtfreewannabe321

Sheesh Robin, *and breathe* Life at the moment is hectic huh?! I second what everyone else says. I really hope there's a way through this for ds, I agree he needs to get rid of that GF she is absolutely no help whatsoever! (((((Big hugs))))) xxx

*Robin*

Dear Diary and Awesome Friends-in-the-box, :hello:

Thank you everyone who has posted.. :T
Too much time has gone by now to carry on replying to each of your comments as events unfolded - but will try and respond to the bits that jumped out as particularly relevant..

So. Divo One spent a lot of time talking to GF on the 'phone, then surprised me by saying he thought we should not object to Divo Two accompanying GF back to the capital as they'd originally planned.
The reason? GF told DS1 that Two had an important appointment on Wednesday, which if he missed it would have a very negative effect on his employment, both now and long-term.

Eh? That was the first I'd heard of such a thing, from either Two or GF! DS2 didn't remember, getting very confused with our planned next visit to Don.A - short term memory completely shot - like dealing with an Alzheimer's sufferer.
DS1 knows much more about Spanish employment law than I do; he said it is imperative DS2 gets to that appointment.

Divo One also thought I was being unjustifiably paranoid about GF's behaviour, reminding me that these days, we are the weird ones for not living our lives on our mobiles, constantly talking to folk at a distance.
The latter I must concede, but reckon the icing was being laid on with a trowel during GF's calls with One.

Anyway. DS1 proposed a compromise:
*With Don Antonio's assistance, One and I can gather together Two's medical notes - from three different hospitals in two countries - and ensure they reach the doctors who issued the current diagnosis.
*Meanwhile, Two and GF could use the tickets they'd already bought to return to Madrid in time for DS2's appointment.
*In case of total disaster requiring next-of-kin presence, DS1 can drive up in just under four hours (not happy about that, but it would take me much longer).

Was also very uneasy because using their existing tickets meant DS2 and GF would leave on Sunday.
Divo One was prepared to take his brother to the station to meet up with GF (by that point I was not).

Two decided he wanted to go to his appointment - can't fault his work ethic - but said he would return here very soon, because he's impressed with Don Antonio (compared to the harried doctors in Madrid).

grannyx2 wrote:

You think when your offspring grow up they'll bring less worry but instead they just bring different...

It was sooo hard to wave farewell with a smile - Granny you are absolutely right; being a parent never stops..

When their train arrived in Madrid, Divo Two marched straight to the - luckily nearby - hospital he'd been in before, and asked to be admitted.
Cue more frantic 'phone-calls from GF..

missrlr wrote:

I am in AWE of your ability to remain coherent and sane! I would probably be locked up after letting rip and telling far too many unvarnished truths, which whilst honest is the best policy, diplomacy has to play a part.

Don't know what Divo One told GF when she called him, but yours truly refused to try and talk DS2 out of it; again said hospital is the safest place for him..
Which didn't go down well at all.
Missrlr, I blew it. When she kept on calling, I challenged GF about her own issues - she really didn't want to talk about the bathroom incident..

In retrospect, having spent much of the last few days immersed in academic papers [tbh far, far beyond my lay knowledge], do now think it was a big mistake to show overt opposition to GF's desires.

alioops78 wrote:

I suffer from a rare condition so know how hard it is to find medico's that actually know about it and understand how to treat it, generally they can treat the symptoms not the whole condition or rely on me telling them what the condition is.

Thanks for posting, Alioops. :T
Sorry you are in the same boat, it's an extra unnecessary pain isn't it? Awful when one is already unwell.
Even with an illness as common as ME is these days, it's hard to find a doctor with both interest and experience.. :cool:
But am used to that problem, so for light relief from studying GF's difficult-to-treat EUPD,** I've been dipping into specialist papers on endocrinology - homework in preparation for discussion with Don Antonio once we've got hold of DS2's complete medical history.
**Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, aka Borderline Personality Disorder.
..................

Narrative interrupted by a sudden, urgent desire to swap 'phone chips around again - moments later Dear Nurse called; CD had an appointment with the consultant.. By the time she'd got through, it was in less than an hour's time!
Good news; our expert is happy with CD's progress. The pressure in her eyes has dropped from above 40, to 18 in her 'seeing eye' and 22 in the blind one (normal range 15 - 25).
Result: CD does not need an operation to have the blind eye removed!
We were given permission to travel, along with a prescription for three months' meds - alas CD must keep taking the eye-drops which she is beginning to hate, but both vets said that unless her condition deteriorates, CD should not need emergency treatment in the UK (still intend to keep m' list of sympathetic vets - provided by kind MSEers - in CD's passport folder, just in case ).
Spends: Consultant - £40 (revisions are cheaper ). Tinned food for journey - £10. No charge from DV. :T

Since then, Divo One's eyes are slowly being opened:
GF told him she's got Two's bank card - but it's been blocked (wonder if she emptied his a/c first? There was definitely money in there a few days earlier, since when Two hasn't been shopping).
She also tried to give up DS2's room but the landlord refused to accept notice from her (thank goodness - that would have left Two with no alternative but to move back in with her when he is discharged from hospital!).
GF's reluctance to pass on 'phone numbers continued - ha, but the wretched not-quite-working smart-thing which Two gave me still has his contacts in it, so we side-stepped that controlling tactic rather neatly.

Divo One is being fantastic, bless him; he's taken on all the 'phoning around which is so difficult for me. Hopefully he'll be able to persuade Two's LL to let us use his room, so that either Three or Four** can stay close by - maybe CD and self for a few days too (DS1 now acknowledges it was a mistake to let GF isolate DS2 from the family - of course Two didn't get to his Wednesday appointment, if it ever existed :cool:).
**Divo Three's job is ending soon, and Four has another month before term starts (lucky chap!). Flying one or both over is an option.

kazwookie wrote:

Oh dea, the GF needs dumping, changing his password etc, well out of order, listening in to phone conversations etc IMO

Welcome to the Nest, Kazwookie, don't think you've posted in Flying Solo before? Thanks for de-lurking! :T
You're not the only one who thinks DS2 and GF's relationship is destructive - several posters agree - and to an extent, so do I.
But.
First of all, the decision is Divo Two's.

missrlr wrote:

Presumably love goggles are firmly in place and facts are like water of a duck's back here?

He can't make any choices at all - until, as Fudgie so aptly commented:

Fudgefund wrote:

Hopefully when Divo2 is feeling himself again he'll begin to process all this.

Second, you are all reading a very two-dimensional view of GF - mea culpa - she is actually a lovely person when her MH issues are well-controlled. All the negative character traits are symptoms of her illness. Having learned GF is far more likely to harm herself rather than anyone else, means my greatest fear re DS2 is probably unfounded (that in order to keep him reliant on her, she might have been spiking Two's food with her own medication?!**).
**Am ready to apologise - in person - for said suspicion (GF knows about it ).

Third. It is not fair to write off anyone who has MH issues as "toxic". Am sure all of you who have laboured beneath a similar burden would agree? Running out of words - ha, just as well given the length of this post - but rejection simply isn't right..

Having thought about it all for several days, yours truly attempted a tactful effort at conciliation, which has resulted in re-opening of communications between GF and self. She seems quite happy to discount our recent acrimonious exchanges, and even gave up some information Divo One asked for without needing multiple prompts.

Other news: Latest lekky bill was appalling - £230! Time to research solar power again. Unforgivable not to use it here, really, and set-up costs should be repaid quite fast given the rapidly rising expense of mains power. Taxes on independent systems have increased recently too, but even so.. Wonder whether it would be cheaper to source panels elsewhere (she said, thinking about her empty van)?

Boring news: Grey-water drain has blocked again - guess what Muggins has to do now, before diving under the shower? [:rotfl:]
Apologies for not replying to every comment, dear friends - this post has grown far too long!

triple_choc_chip

De lurking to say I'm so sorry for your troubles, thank goodness you have more Divos to help.

My thought as I read your last post was 'munchausens syndrome'? I didn't suspect she was using her own meds but that would be convenient and to hand. Certainly though it seems she can control him if he is dependent on drugs or on her to function.

I also think the reconciliation was a good move - keep your enemies closer and all that jazz! Good luck.