How to broach the wedding subject to OH!

InsideInsurance

To go back to the original post.... you wanted something abroad rather than him now you say you want something in the UK. You wont be the first ever fianc!e to change her mind and you wont be the last.

I can see both sides of the argument over doing something that restricts one side of the family but not the other. We arguably were in a similar boat because her family live abroad but she is fairly close to them where as mine live here and I'm not close to them at all.

Unless you have oversold the idea of the beach wedding then you have little to worry about. You can still have a wedding and his family can still attend and so you are addressing his concerns.

In many countries it is normal to have a civil and a separate religious ceremony so you could easily do the civil service here at the registry office so your parents can attend and then either do a beach wedding abroad or wait a few years and do it as a renewal instead.

shiny76

CashStrappedPrincess wrote: »

Shiny76 that looks so beautiful.

Thanks. We were incredibly fortunate with the weather. The poor couple the next day had to move theirs indoors, but still had a great time by all accounts.

(We were also fortunate with the costs, anyone booking after our wedding had to pay 5 times the amount!)

maman

I just had to post as yesterday was my wedding anniversary: 32 years! DH and I went to the local Registry Office with just two witnesses (BIL and SIL) who had been sworn to secrecy. We then announced it to everyone else afterwards. Since then we've been abroad loads of times but for happy holidays not honeymoons.

My DH is one of 11 children so I dread to think what organising a wedding would have entailed (or cost!).

I'd suggest you have a tiny and cheap wedding so immediate family can be there on both sides. Follow this with a big party for all and anyone (parties are much cheaper) and then go on holiday in the sun with the £2 000 you've been offered.

And don't forget you're cash strapped princess!

FBaby

I'm sorry OP but I don't understand your dilemma. Your OH proposed to you (assume it was that way, but no different if you are the one who proposed) because he wants to me marry to you, not because he wants a certain type of wedding and you can be the one sharing that day with him.

Your are currently engaged, but haven't yet set a date to be married. Surely that means that discussions around how you imagine your wedding day to be is due to take place now. You might have exchanged ideas before, but the actual planning is still to be decided. Why do you feel bad to say to him that you are thinking about a different setting? I could understand him getting upset if you'd made final plans and had started to organise it, but it isn't the case and that doesn't even seem to be emminent.

My partner and I have been discussing what our wedding day will be like for about three years now and are still not engaged!!! We are getting closer to agreeing what we think we want, starting with a date, but until we decide that it is time to start going ahead with the planning (in our case when we are finally engaged later in the year), all options are still on the table.

Talk to him about how you feel now and why it is important to you after all.

Tiddlywinks

I don't see the problem, it's just a conversation...

Explain that you've been thinking and have changed your mind about the venue (and timing?) for the wedding.

If you find this hard to discuss and fall out over it then marriage may not be for you (as a couple) and better to find out now!

chirpychick

you have to be able to speak to him openly and honestly if he is going to be your husband, just sit down and tell him how you feel.

lolly_896

3 yrs ago today my husband and I got married in an extremely small ceremony. Both of my parents had been ill with cancer, so i wanted them both there. We had 16 guests inc. parents siblings and grandparents.

We didnt tell anybody other than those invited, then got postcards made with mine and DH school photos and the day before the wedding posted them with a note saying by the time you read this we will be married inviting everyone to an evening celebration at the end of next month. If anybody cared that they werent there they didnt say anything

belfastgirl23

I would guess he might not be all that surprised

floss2

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Yes. Why not?

That picture is a little misleading as there isn't very much beach below this bit of Lower Walk.

shiny76 wrote: »

People got sunburnt at ours. Mind you, we know we were very fortunate with the weather and it wasn't a cheap affair!

We had a "Caribbean sunset" at our Blackpool wedding in September 2010.

You can get married on a beach in Scotland, or even on a pier Orocco Pier

coolcait

CashStrappedPrincess wrote: »

Sorry this is going to be a long one!

Me and OH got engaged in Morocco in May 2011. Now were not planning on getting married for a good few years yet once we have bought a house marriage would be the next step. I've always said I would love to get married abroad and a beach wedding has always appealed to me as a cheaper option as I really wouldn't want to start our married life in debt.

However the more I think about it (I guess im thinking about it because its wedding season and they're everywhere at the moment) the more I couldn't stand not having my parents there.

My dad was told he had approx 10-15 years to live when I was 9/10 bear in mind I am now 22 and we have nearly lost him a couple of times but he seems to be in ok health at the moment. I guess i'm starting to think it wouldn't be impossible for him to be there when I do get married. But he cannot fly any distance (he has COPD and the cabin pressure wouldn't suit him).

Mum has never been abroad and I would never expect her to leave dad (she's his full time carer). Also if Dad wasn't here I really couldn't see her going abroad on her own for a week and I would feel uncomfortable and as If I had to have her with us all the time.

My best friend probably wouldn't be able to go (too expensive) and she is the only person I could imagine having as my MOH.

OH's family would probably all be able to go (other than his grandma) and our mutual friends (mainly male).

When we first got engaged I have said before that we could just go abroad on our own and do it he said it wasn't fair that becuase my family couldn't go his have to miss out. Which I agree with but I dont think its fair for me to have nobody there.

I just want to make it clear that I would quite happily go to the town hall tomorrow and marry him however I would love my Dad to walk me down the aisle and for all our families to be there and share our day.

I just don't know how to broach the subject I feel like I need to tell him as one day planning this will a large part of our lives, and I stupidly kind of feel like this isn't what he signed up for IYSWIM:rotfl:

Any advice would be appreciated anyone had anything smilar
CSP x

OK, I've read a couple of posts, and the posters are obviously understanding your post in a different way to the way I read it. So, before I go any further, here's what I understood:

- you've always said you would love to get married abroad and a beach wedding has always appealed to you

- your parents, for various reasons, wouldn't be able to be there if you got married abroad

- your best friend (who is the only person you could imagine having as your MOH) probably wouldn't be able to be there if you got married abroad

- most of your OH's family would manage to be there if you got married abroad

- so would your mutual friends

- however, because your parents and your friend wouldn't be able to be there if you got married abroad, you have said to your OH that the two of you could just go abroad and get married on your own

- your OH has pointed out that it is unfair of you to deny him the opportunity to have his family and friends at the wedding, just because you can't have yours there.

- especially when the reason that your family and friend(s) won't be there is because you would like a wedding venue which is inaccessible for them.

I think your OH has a point.

Before you go any further, you have to decide which is more important to you

- wedding abroad, maybe on the beach
- wedding with your parents and friend(s) in attendance

If you decide that the venue is more important, then I don't think it would be reasonable to tell your OH that he can't have family and friends there (if they're able to make it) just because you chose a venue which was out of reach for your family and friends.

If you decide that having both sets of parents and friends at your wedding is more important, then marry in the UK, and have some kind of blessing ceremony overseas.