How to broach the wedding subject to OH!

CashStrappedPrincess

Thank you for your concern suki1001 BUT I am not your daughter and my parents actually love my OH alot. My Dad would not have given him permission if he had the same concerns you do!

He didn't say that my family didn't matter. I think saying we would pay for my mum to go abroad is fair proof of that!

balletshoes

if you're sure you've changed your mind, tell your OH now. Thats only fair, don't wait until you start organising it, because then your OH is already going to have some firm ideas, which you are going to have to say "ah but thats not what i want at all now" to. Give him a chance to get used to the new suggestions, then you can start organising things together.

eta - don't bow to any pressure from either your family or his when organising the wedding you both want. Thats what causes the stress around weddings, trying to please everyone. Accept that you're not going to be able to please everyone, so please yourselves.

Fire_Fox

People get pressurised in the run up to a wedding because they have eighteen months plus to plan their dream day and get forced into inviting more and more people. IMO the solution is to plan a small wedding, no more than six months after setting a date. When I got married we were on a tight budget, booked somewhere quite small early on so adding numbers was not an option.

Gloomendoom

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Why can't you have a beach wedding in the UK?.

Yes. Why not?

NewKittenHelp

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Yes. Why not?

That's one way to cut down on the guest list for the reception.:D

duchy

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Why can't you have a beach wedding in the UK?
.

Cos you can't get many wedding dresses in waterproof material that also look good with wellies ?

duchy

Fire_Fox wrote: »

People get pressurised in the run up to a wedding because they have eighteen months plus to plan their dream day and get forced into inviting more and more people. IMO the solution is to plan a small wedding, no more than six months after setting a date. When I got married we were on a tight budget, booked somewhere quite small early on so adding numbers was not an option.

I arranged my wedding in 6 weeks from booking it to the big day-everything ran like clockwork -sitdown meal for fifty and family didn't have time to complicate things . The 18 month thing would have driven me INSANE

shiny76

suki1001 wrote: »

Her oh said, why shouldn't his family go to the wedding anyway abroad even if hers couldn't go.

In other words he thinks his family should go and hers don't matter.

Thats not how I read it.

When we first got engaged I have said before that we could just go abroad on our own and do it he said it wasn't fair that becuase my family couldn't go his have to miss out. Which I agree with but I dont think its fair for me to have nobody there.

OP suggested they get married abroad on their own as her family can't travel due to reasons such as ill-health. Her OH said his family shouldn't have to miss out due to her family not being able to travel. Nothing about the comparable value of either family attending.

suki1001

CashStrappedPrincess wrote: »

Thank you for your concern suki1001 BUT I am not your daughter and my parents actually love my OH alot. My Dad would not have given him permission if he had the same concerns you do!

He didn't say that my family didn't matter. I think saying we would pay for my mum to go abroad is fair proof of that!

Sorry - but you did admit yourself you painted him as a bit of an ogre in your first post. Your second post arrived before mine as I was still writing. I only went on what you said. I actually felt very sorry for you the way you'd painted him to be. If he's not actually like that then fine - I was only sticking up for you. If I got it wrong i apologise.

You didn't mention him offering to pay in your first post, hence my reaction.

3 other people thanked my post, so they obviously got that impression too from your first post.

I'm glad things are not as they first appeared.

shiny76

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Why can't you have a beach wedding in the UK?

People got sunburnt at ours. Mind you, we know we were very fortunate with the weather and it wasn't a cheap affair!