You soon learn how important you are

Skintski

You haven't said what day of the week your wedding is. Assuming that you have friends and family down here in the South East you are either talking about a very long drive north or a flight.

Flights for a family can soon mount up even on Easyjet and obviously there is Airport parking or a taxi ride to pay for, the only advantage being they could fly up or down on the day of the wedding and save on accomodation costs.. Driving up from Essex to Inverness would be a trek of several hours which means people would probably want to drive up, stay the night, go to the wedding and then stay again and drive home the following day meaning two nights accomodation plus the fuel. This would also mean some people having to take time off work as a single day wedding would turn into a 3 day trip for a family should they choose to drive.

I can understand why people would be put off to be honest particularly if they have offspring to pay for on top of themselves.

katie1812

When we first started planning our wedding last May, we made a list of who we wanted to invite and checked with family members incase we had forgotten anyone. We were told by my fiance's grandparents that we had to invite my fiance's second cousins and wives and their children all from Wales (we live in Norwich). He was quite against it but went with it to keep everything sweet. So we sent our save the date cards out at the end of May last year. In April this year we sent out our invites.

When receiving replies, we were quite shocked to see that none of this family were coming. He also has twin cousins who are the same age as his (25) and only one of them is coming, not their mum, just them.

When we saw my fiance's great aunt at a family gathering a few weeks ago, he asked why they weren't coming, and the reason? They were not given enough notice. Luckily, my fiance had the same thoughts as me lol, and said hang on a minute we sent the save the dates out over a year ago how can you sit there and say that. Obviously they just either can't be bothered, it's too far (which I do understand but they absolutely love family get togethers and weddings and all of the family have made the effort to go to Wales when needs-be) or they really just don't want to. I'd rather they just came out and said it though instead of having some lame excuse like that.

Admittedly we aren't that bothered, it was a whole extra table at the reception so about £400 saved (woo) but the big old performance about us inviting them and them not coming proved we were right in the first place about not inviting them!

Faith177

We are getting married at 4:30pm on a Saturday and we aren't having children at the wedding so they only have their costs. Plus we have a rotation of 6 people doing airport, train & bus station runs to collect people when they need it. Which I put all the information about on our website that half of them haven't bothered to check so I told them all in person too. Only people who are coming from Essex & London are our friends and not a single one of them has minded the distance are turning it in to an adventure. All the rest of the family are in the Midlands or Scotland.

Katie that's what's happened with my cousins my Nan said I had ito invite them both despite hardly ever talking to them. They have both declined not to me though to my Nan and asked her to pass the message on

floss2

Faith177 wrote: »

We are getting married at 4:30pm on a Saturday and we aren't having children at the wedding so they only have their costs......

So you are expecting parents to find child care for their children on a Saturday, when other family members who would be usually expected to babysit will also be invited to your wedding, and you are upset that childcare is being used as a reason for declining your invitation?

As a 4.30pm wedding would generally mean an overnight stay, particularly when the venue is in the Highlands and still quite a disctance from anywhere else in Scotland (200 miles from Edinburgh or Glasgow for example) I can quite understand why you have had the responses you have. How many non-family babysitters do you know, that would be happy to have someone else's children overnight? And I don't mean a random sleep-over with a friend from school, this would require a more firm agreement than that.

All the weddings I have attended over the last few years (including my own) were family children only, including a toddler at mine and a brand new grand-baby (and no-longer pregnant daughter) at my best friends' wedding. Perhaps that is what your families were hoping for when your invitations arrived.

scrumpy78

I've got 29 adults and 14 children coming to my wedding ranging from 6 months to 12 years. Eeeek! But I have 2 children of my own so could hardly say no kids. My friends children are just as important to me as my friends, and I want them there for my kids. We are getting married on my youngest 2nd birthday so it's a birthday party too!

mildred1978

Faith177 wrote: »

We had to say no kids as the venue is really not suitable.

When we got married the suitability of the venue for all of our guests was the top priority. 20% of the guests were children.

We actually chose the venue because it had good accessibility for relatives with disabilities - including 1 very seriously disabled relative (paraplegic). That relative didn't even bother to RSVP to say that he and his wife weren't coming!! Luckily we loved the venue anyway, but 8 years on that still riles me.

Mind you, our priorities were very different from the norm. I almost didn't bother with a wedding dress!!

Faith177

It's only two family members with kids and I said in a prev post Mildred they were ok leaving their children with someone who isn't coming to the wedding for a week while they went to Spain that is why I am annoyed as it smacks of using something to your advantage.

And it doesn't matter where we held our wedding we would have had the same problem. Oh isn't from Essex so flat out said he didn't want to get married here. I hated all the venues we saw in Birmingham plus I had no one there who check things out for me at the last minute as non of that side family appear to be reliable. So we went with somewhere we both liked. Plus we were only allowed 80 guest of we had invited all the children that our friends had as well on the original count we had 30 kids alone. That's 30 children to control when venue is surrounded by a loch

Inverness is not difficult to get to and is a fairly modern city it even has an airport :eek: lol

Sorry to snap but as a couple we have a lot to deal with at the min (OH is relocating to Reading indefinitely and it could be 2 years before I'm in a position to join him) I have 2 weeks notice that this happen on the 28th of the month so that is probably why everything and everyone is p'ing me off

Skintski

Flights can be expensive even for a couple as has already been said. Inverness isn't that easy to get to. You've made your decision based on what is best for you and your OH which is absolutely fine but you can't expect people to rearrange their priorities if they feel it does not suit them. I hope your wedding day is everything you dreamed of but try not to hold it against your friends if they decide they can't make it.

That's really pants about the relocation but at least Essex to Berkshire isn't a million miles and I'm sure you will find a way round it even if things look bleak presently.:)

Faith177

Yeah thanks Skintski that's what i'm trying to do just everything is getting under my skin. If more so when we do so much for his side of the family. It now also seems the couple who aren't coming are booking their wedding any day now and the two dates their looking at are the 20th April & the 4th May our wedding is the 27th April

It's about 80 miles door to door (he's going to be outside Reading near to Telford I think it is). I don't drive so means I'll have to get the train down as & when I can a) afford it b) get time to do it (I work two jobs)

Just too much to deal with and not enough time lmao

Torry_Quine

Faith177 wrote: »

It's only two family members with kids and I said in a prev post Mildred they were ok leaving their children with someone who isn't coming to the wedding for a week while they went to Spain that is why I am annoyed as it smacks of using something to your advantage.

And it doesn't matter where we held our wedding we would have had the same problem. Oh isn't from Essex so flat out said he didn't want to get married here. I hated all the venues we saw in Birmingham plus I had no one there who check things out for me at the last minute as non of that side family appear to be reliable. So we went with somewhere we both liked. Plus we were only allowed 80 guest of we had invited all the children that our friends had as well on the original count we had 30 kids alone. That's 30 children to control when venue is surrounded by a loch

Inverness is not difficult to get to and is a fairly modern city it even has an airport :eek: lol

Sorry to snap but as a couple we have a lot to deal with at the min (OH is relocating to Reading indefinitely and it could be 2 years before I'm in a position to join him) I have 2 weeks notice that this happen on the 28th of the month so that is probably why everything and everyone is p'ing me off

Yes Inverness isn't as hard to get to as some may think but I live in Scotland and would have to think twice about going there for a wedding. The roads aren't like those down South and journeys take longer than you think for the distance.