You soon learn how important you are

floss2

OP, am I correct in thinking that you are in the South East, and your wedding is in Inverness?

Perhaps your invited guests have worked out how much petrol / diesel it would cost to travel a round trip of 1,100+ miles, and how long it would take (taking into account needing overnight accommodation on the journey for the elderly or those with children), or have got quotes for flights or rail fares?

Maybe that is what they mean by too far or it's too costly.

fawny

Hi Faith,

I understand what you mean. We DID NOT expect anyone to come to our wedding, but have been suprised by the ones who are coming. For example H2B friend who lives next door don't have loads of money, has a child are coming & his wife is having to take a weeks unpaid leave to come because she is a teaching assistant, we are obviously over the moon that they care about us so much. H2B sister who has loads of money & is a lady who lunches are not coming, no real reason given. As you say you do find out things when you are getting married.

joho

Faith177 wrote: »

It's just annoying when we drop everything for family occasions for everyone else and seems that no-one is willing to do the same.

Hmm. Yes, I know how this feels. I've been to 21st, 30th and 40th birthdays, hen do's, weddings and christenings all over the place for my 'friends' and not one of them could make it to my wedding.

However, (before I get flamed for being a selfish bridezilla witch) I do feel very guilty for being upset by this because it WAS during school time AND abroad.

BUT plenty of them don't have children and aren't teachers, and they were also given over a years notice, and it was on a Monday so people could do 5 days instead of a week holiday.

One friend swore blind she would be there if it was a Monday - but never made it. Her and her husband did however make it to another wedding, abroad, during school time, the next year. They probably thought I wouldn't notice the photos on Facebook.

I KNOW my wedding isn't the most important thing on earth to other people, and being abroad makes things doubly difficult, but I can't help being a little bitter. Don't flame me for it.

ETA: on the plus side, every one of them is a picky eater and wouldn't have liked the food, or the wine or the choice of beer, or something.

Several of them ARE off to Ireland for another wedding.

fawny

Hi Joho,

Are you going back to Lindos for your 1st anniversary is a few weeks? Can't beleive it's nearly a year for you!

HalfPint

Just wanted to show the other side of the coin so to speak (please don't think I'm being mean to the op)

I've missed 2 weddings in the past 2 years because it was just too awkward or would cost too much.

My cousin got married 2 years ago and insisted 'no kids' at her wedding, I live 400 miles away and had no-one to babysit (not even local friends or family!) so I politely had to decline but my name was mud cause I said I couldn't go because of the 'no kids' rule. I felt this was very unfair of her and had they allowed children I would have been there.

The 2nd wedding I missed was Mr H's brother. He gave us 6 months notice but we couldn't get time off work. It was possible for us to go but the logistics of getting there (250 miles) and then having to travel back on the wedding evening (as we were working the next day) meant that we would have been at the wedding for only 2 hours, so we again had to politely decline. We were gutted at not being able to go but they were very understanding about it all.

I guess my point is that how you react can make a huge difference to how your intended guests feel should they have to decline your invite. At the end of the day you have to accept that not all will make it to your wedding and you may have made it difficult for some to attend (sorry!) by dictating that they cannot bring their children. Celebrate the day with the ones that make it and the ones that dont!

HP x

dizsiebubba

Faith177 wrote: »

That's the other thing one of couples that said it was too far to travel without their children have just spent a week in Spain without their kids

Hmm this sounds like my auntie!!! lol That is really out of order though hun


Daisy-May* I think that once people had saved the £1 a week to go (which til next September wouldn’t be a lot only £60ish) they’d realise they could spend it on something that would benefit their own immediate family more though.

RainbowDrops

We were blown away by some of our guests who travelled from Australia, South Africa, The US & Europe. We would have totally understood if they could make it.
There were a few overseas people who couldn make it, but holidays are precious, and flights aren't cheap.

There will be times when it costs a lot to attend a wedding, and I would never want someone to struggle with money just to attend.
But if someone is worth it, then I'll spend money to share in their special day.
I have a wedding in December that's gonna cost loads for me to attend - it's in a small town, so limited transport & hotel options. It'll cost £130 for the hotel & at least £80 for me & OH to travel there, and Christmas is already an expensive time. But I'm willing to accept the cost as it's an honour to be invited.

Faith177

Thank you all for your replies (sorry work has been manic so I haven't been able to skive on here like normal )

Ever those who thought they were being mean you weren't it's nice to get both sides.

I just feel bad for my OH as it is mainly his side of the family(& 2 cousins from mine that I had to invite lol) and it's his 30th as well as the wedding. He does so much for them yet seems to receive nothing in return. I know he's a little upset as he has just said "oh well" that's his version of a woman's "it's fine!"

We have done so much to take the pressure off people for this wedding. We have offered my mums house free of charge (she is staying with me somewhere else), we are taking everyone who is up on the Friday for a meal (we're paying), we have sorted transport out for those who can't drive just feels like a kick in the teeth. Especially when you can get the Megabus for as a little as £2 if you book early enough lol

Oh well that's £600 saved on food alone very MSE lol

@halfpint I haven't been off with anyone just said that we would arrange something when we get back and go from there. As that would be in Essex I think we are going to be met with the same issue

skateykatey

From what I can gather from reading between the lines is that you're more annoyed that you may make the effort for others and they don't for you.

That is perfectly understandable and I also would be annoyed. But...you can take this opportunity to know who you can rely on and who you can't and act accordingly for future family events.

I'm in Inverness and love a good wedding so I'll come if you want to make up numbers!

Faith177

Ahhhh Katey sooo jealous love Inverness can't wait to move up there eventually (about another 2-3 years) What part do you stay? (if you dont mind me asking)

I think you're quite right about the who we can rely on

x