You soon learn how important you are

Faith177

Hi all

Just an observation I have made regarding acceptances at weddings.

A lot of our family have said they can't attend despite giving them 13 months official notice (save a dates) and we still have 7 months to go plus date has been set since Jan 2010. That they are not able to attend due to cost and childcare arrangements. We are only getting married in Inverness not abroad.

Yet people you would not think would be bothered have moved heaven & earth so they can attend. My best friend in Canada has gone as far as to sell his car to get a cheaper one to save up.

Is anyone else finding this. I'm really amazed at the excuses that are being used too especially considering how much notice we have given.

dizsiebubba

Without being harsh OP (because I really don't mean to upset you) perhaps they really can't afford it or really don't have childcare arrangements. Although to you your wedding is very important, it isn't worth getting into debt or putting onto a credit card etc to others and if it means they would have to go without in order to come, perhaps they are just doing what is right for them...

Have you not invited kids? Is that why people are concerned about childcare??? For me, I wouldn't go to a wedding that my children weren't invited to but it was a family member / close friend getting married...I would probably only take exception in a work colleague or not so close friend and then I would probably just be an evening guest so wouldn't involve any overnight stay (or I wouldn't go as an evening guest to a wedding I had to stay overnight at) because I wouldn't expect to have to sort out childcare for somebody else's wedding...again to you, your wedding is most important, but to me, my kids would be...

This wasn't meant to upset you, just give you a different view x

Faith177

I know what you mean dizsie and I do apprecaite it.

It's just annoying when we drop everything for family occasions for everyone else and seems that no-one is willing to do the same.

We had to say no kids as the venue is really not suitable.

dizsiebubba

Faith177 wrote: »

I know what you mean dizsie and I do apprecaite it.

It's just annoying when we drop everything for family occasions for everyone else and seems that no-one is willing to do the same.

We had to say no kids as the venue is really not suitable.

This I wholeheartedly understand!!! I always feel that in most of my relationships in my life (apart from my parents and my OH) everything is at least a 60/40 split!!!


A relative is getting married abroad for her second wedding soon and it is costing nearly £5k a couple for 10 days :eek: and there is not really a cheaper alternative... obviously I have told her no way as have most of the family but I am shocke she even asked... I would have gone for even as much £1.5k a couple because we could afford that but I just can't justify that amount...especially as I know she wouldn't come to mine if it cost her even £500 a couple

Torry_Quine

dizsiebubba wrote: »

Without being harsh OP (because I really don't mean to upset you) perhaps they really can't afford it or really don't have childcare arrangements. Although to you your wedding is very important, it isn't worth getting into debt or putting onto a credit card etc to others and if it means they would have to go without in order to come, perhaps they are just doing what is right for them...

Have you not invited kids? Is that why people are concerned about childcare??? For me, I wouldn't go to a wedding that my children weren't invited to but it was a family member / close friend getting married...I would probably only take exception in a work colleague or not so close friend and then I would probably just be an evening guest so wouldn't involve any overnight stay (or I wouldn't go as an evening guest to a wedding I had to stay overnight at) because I wouldn't expect to have to sort out childcare for somebody else's wedding...again to you, your wedding is most important, but to me, my kids would be...

This wasn't meant to upset you, just give you a different view x

Some very good points there. It can be hard to accept that the most important day of your life isn't necessarily so for all your invited guests. Depending on where they are it could be an expense they really can't afford, especially if child-care is involved.

I wouldn't go a wedding a great distance away that involved an over-night stay and this could be an issue.

It seems good to me that they've told you before you've even sent out the invitations as it gives you plenty time to see if there are others you want to invite instead.

This far ahead I'm surprised people can say for definite whether they can go or not. I certainly couldn't confirm my availability so far ahead.

Faith177

That's the other thing one of couples that said it was too far to travel without their children have just spent a week in Spain without their kids

I think I'm just having a bridezilla moment and it just smarts that it's mostly family and their the ones your meant to be able to relie on lol

Oh well I'll just think of the money I'll save lol

Turtle

This will sound mean and it's not meant to, I just always think it when I hear similar complaints on here. Probably these people just don't want to come, and will use their children as a convenient excuse.

Faith177

It honestly wouldn't surprise me but I know what would happen if we tried it lol

Daisy-May*

dizsiebubba wrote: »

Without being harsh OP (because I really don't mean to upset you) perhaps they really can't afford it

I'll b honest Im suprised when I hear people say they cant afford to attend weddings, I understand everybody has different budgets/disposable income etc, but if they have know since Jan 2010 and did actually want to go could they not have saved £1 a week in order to attend, or even 50p a week? (not being mean to you dizsiebubba, just responding to your comment)

I think sometimes OP it depends on the person, I personally would go without other treats etc of my own in order to attend a friends birthday/wedding in order to attend and to make sure I had enough money, but I have personally found out some people just arent the same as me and can't really be bothered to make the effort (not trying to be horrible just my view from previous experience) - like turtle said sometimes these things are just used as an excuse.

I really hope some of these people re-think their decision and do attend your wedding, I honestly think some people forget how upsetting things this like can be, I think anyone would be upset if the boot was on the other foot.

Torry_Quine

Daisy-May* wrote: »

I'll b honest Im suprised when I hear people say they cant afford to attend weddings, I understand everybody has different budgets/disposable income etc, but if they have know since Jan 2010 and did actually want to go could they not have saved £1 a week in order to attend, or even 50p a week? (not being mean to you dizsiebubba, just responding to your comment)

I think sometimes OP it depends on the person, I personally would go without other treats etc of my own in order to attend a friends birthday/wedding in order to attend and to make sure I had enough money, but I have personally found out some people just arent the same as me and can't really be bothered to make the effort (not trying to be horrible just my view from previous experience) - like turtle said sometimes these things are just used as an excuse.

I really hope some of these people re-think their decision and do attend your wedding, I honestly think some people forget how upsetting things this like can be,I think anyone would be upset if the boot was on the other foot.

That's you though and we aren't all the same are we or this wouldn't be an issue.

I remember being invited to my cousin's wedding a few years ago. They live several hundred miles away so would have meant a long journey and two night stay away at the least. I declined as that's just not for me. I doubt very much it was a big issue although yes it would have been good to see the wedding. It's not just the cost although it would have been expensive but a long way to go.

sweetilemon

Weddings can be so stressful and tough! I really feel for you just try not to take it personally. We didnt invite children although our guests had few young children. The more people you invite the more likely for people to decline unfortunately, depends on your numbers. It's unfortunate aswell that alot of people are struggling financially just now so travel, outfits, gifts ( although not always expected, guests generally feel the need to give ), accomodataion, food and drink can mount up. Im not making excuses as I would feel as equially upset/annoyed im just trying to understand the guests point if view.