Am I being mean? - advice please?

carolt

Don't know if this really comes under Old Style, but not sure where else it goes - feel free to move it if preferred.

What it is, is that my dd aged 7 has finally succumbed to peer pressure and started noticing brands and what other kids wear - specifically Heely's (or is that Heelies?) - those annoying trainers with the heel in the heel so you can sort of roller skate with them, for those unaware (like myself until recently).

Some of her and dd2's (age 4) friends have them, I know, but she hadn't mentioned them and I was ironically just congratulating myself on having brought up a 'brand-blind' daughter :rolleyes: (well, except Barbies, which I'd explained to her at the relevant age why I disapproved of them - she's past that stage now anyway, and is v anti-Barbie!) - she'd like Bratz stuff now but I disapprove of that even more...and she knows there's no way I'm giving in on that. She also knows we never take them to eat at MacDonalds, and sighs over this but accepts it.

But I don't have any moral issues with Heely's or even taste ones - although admittedly they first came to my attention in a long newspaper article about how A&E wards were full of kids who'd injured themselves wearing them and how they were really dangerous. My main objection isn't the brand, per se, as above, or the image, it's the cost (about 50 quid new :eek: or maybe half that on ebay) and the potential danger - and the fact that unlike most expensive toys, these can't really be passed down/sold on, and they'll only last the wearer for a year at most, probably less.

So I know it's a waste of money. I asked my oh who said no, he never had brands when growing up, and I was certainly unaware of most brands when I was a kid, or if aware, it would never, EVER have crossed my mind to ask my mum for them as I knew they were too expensive and unnecessary.

BUT I can't help feeling mean - my dd even said she'd do chores to 'earn' them... And they have lots of (over-) generous grandparents who always like to buy them little extra unnecessary gifts (=spoil them...). And I think brands are a lot more omnipresent than they used to be so much harder for kids today to ignore peer pressure than it used to be. And they do have branded toys if not clothes eg lego, spirograph, etc etc etc. And Heelly's are halfway between a toy and a piece of clothing - certainly non-essential but then so are a lot of toys...

What do others think? I know this wanting the latest brand trainers or whatever will only get worse as they get older. What is others' experience?

MrsTinks

I don't have kids myself, but I am only 27 And I can remember what it was like to be the one without any brand clothes... I liked it myself but I did get picked on a lot at school which just made me more insistent on NOT wearing anything branded. (I went to a school where it wasn't Nike and Addidas, but Gucci, D&G and Versace... - not something my parents could afford but they wanted me to have as good an education as they could provide) I ended up totally goth by the time I finished school (no uniforms) and even now I have very little "branded" clothes although I have outgrown the goth stage some time ago
However it WAS cool when I went to school and finally had something COOL and trendy. The feeling didn't last long and probably wasn't worth the money spent, but whilst there is always a chance that it might encourage her to want more branded or in stuff then I would say that she could have them - IF she earnt half the money herself. So brand new they are £50, make her earn £25 herself so that she values the effort it has taken to earn them and hopefully she will decide if they were worth that much work - and look after them because they should represent a lot of hours of work to her.

LizD_2

I don't have children and personally those heelies get on my nerves (particularly the kids zooming around supermarkets on them! :mad: ).

It sounds as though your daughter is fairly savvy already. I would say she could only wear them if she wears elbow/knee pads with them. I don't know if this might put her off, if she doesn't look 'cool' with her friends. Also, perhaps show her the article about the dangers, if you feel she's able to understand it. If she still wants them, I would go down the route of letting her work for them.

I'm not sure they'd be ideal for your younger daughter, but she's likely to want them too if her sister has them.

Pink.

Hi carol,

It does get worse but if you can get your daughter to make some contribution towards them it may help to teach her the value of money.

I remember my dd had a perfectly good pair of wellington boots which still fitted, but she wanted a new pink sparkly pair. They didn't cost a lot but on principle I didn't want to buy them. Yes, I know I'm a meanie! I told her I'd split the cost with her out of her pocket money (she was about 7 at the time). Spending my money wasn't a problem but when it came to spending her own she changed her mind and decided she didn't actually 'need' them.

If your daughter really wants something and is prepared to contribute to it out of her own money, then if you can afford it, I'd try to make a compromise.

I've moved your thread over to the Families board where you should get more replies.

Pink

Rupa

Resist the temptation to get them. They are only attractive to her because she doesn't have them. They are dangerous, I think one boy died when he skidded in front of a car a few months ago.

Sarahsaver

Just stick to your guns.
My kids do not and never will have heelys - whats wrong with the trad. rollerskates?
They do not have psps, nintendo ds, tvs in their rooms, computers in their rooms, they DO know the value of money, they have old gameboys off ebay (all for under £20 each with a bundle of games) sorry RETRO they like a bit of retro. Hand-me down clothes/charity shop 'discoveries' bcos they truly believe it is good to re-use things, they know why they dont have an x box/psp/ ps3/ps2 and so on and can tell you why as well! We have a little chat sometimes but they are pretty much brand immune, if they say a friend has such and such an expensive 'parents bought it to show off' kind of thing I remind them we went skiing, and instead of a games console we could rent a holiday chalet or go camping. We all go to a restaurant once a month (not fast food).

As for safety heelys are hellishly dangerous and theres no way any child could get me to part with £50 for something like that.

UKTigerlily

I agree with making her earn half the price. I don't know anything about these rolling trainers but maybe it's not the brand but what they are. Do other manufacturers do them? You only get to be a kid once. I always remember for some reason my Mum wouldn't let me have pound puppies :!!

I don't think it's a reason for the child to not have something just because the parent doesn't like it, the kids should develop their own taste in things, my Mum doesn't like tattoos but there ya have it lol

I loved my barbies when I was a kid, I know they can be seen to encourage eating problems but never did with anyone I know. It wouldn't have mattered if the barbie was fat/thin/green etc it was just what we played with

I'd say let her get them if she pays half, I wanted a very expensive pair of Reebok's & my Mum did those club books they had back then & let me do it over x weeks & pay it out of my pocket money, I soon decided they hadn't been worth it!

JillD_2

I dont think you're being mean but I think you have to face that you are probably facing a losing battle on the peer pressure thing. (My kids are only 3 and 2 and not-yet-born) so thankfully we havent hit that stage yet).

As others have said, I think getting her to contribute or do chores to earn them is a good idea, she will realise the value of money, if she has ahd to work hard for them it might make her think twice about what to spend it on. Just make sure the exchange rate for chores isn't too favourable LOL

I know if I was a kid I would have loved those heelies, they lok such fun. Aside from the danger element thing.

Good luck making your decision.
Jill

Sarahsaver

How can the peer pressure win over? None of my children would be able to access £50 therefore they would not be able to get heelys!
You can be dangerous without spending money - climbing trees, drinking dad's homebrew, cycling all day, camping out in the garden, ice skating on a pond, walking miles in knee deep snow, digging the garden with no shoes on! Looking back on it my childhood was great!
Like I said just say no! And don't back down. Do you want children who will walk (or wheel) all over you;)

milkydrink

I think some of you are being a trifle hard here, shes only little & all her friends have them & its natural for her to want them too.

Why do so many people believe that if you treat your kids to prezzies you are going to "ruin" them, a playstaion (or the like) cannot "ruin" a child. If you love your child & teach them respect & morals & kindness you cannot "ruin" them with a few treats.

I've only had one daughter (not lucky enough to have more:sad: ) shes 19 & we still spoil her, its a standing joke that every xmas or birthday when she asks for a really expensive prezzie she says "well its my last big year/crack at it", LOL. She says this twice a year:rotfl: . My husband & I reckon we will be OAPs & she will still be saying it:rolleyes: .

I don't know, but I take great pleasure from buying her nice things, isn't that natural to a parent or am I just a soft touch?

Addiscomber

Being mean has nothing to do with it! Neither has being soft. If you would struggle to pay for them AND the next thing AND the next thing AND SO ON for the next 9 years or so, then say no and mean it. Do not even wobble as you will be storing up trouble for years. If you are honest with your children they will understand even at such a young age, and you will do them no favours to bring them up with unrealistic expectations.

Right at the first mention of brand name trainers we explained to our sons that they were, and would always be out of the question, and that we would not buy them. The eldest was about 7 the first time and we explained exactly why he could not have them. We did get occasional moans, but weathered those and I am really glad that we maintained our stance because they are quite careful clothes shoppers now that they buy their own.