Am I being mean? - advice please?

kittiwoz

kimevans wrote:

What I'm saying is some of these posts sounded like they didn't feel bad to refuse & I'm saying that is it not natual to want to treat even if you can't. Not to always do it, but to want to do it.

But it is not a treat if you always do it is it? So even if you could afford to buy your child every little thing they ever wanted then would you think it was good to do it? Then none of things would ever be special. Also if everything always came so easily to them how would they learn to cope in the outside world where things have to be earned? Don't you have a duty as a parent to teach your children how to mange their money, earn things and cope with disappointments? That is to turn them into functioning adults? I think it must be easier in a way to treat your children all the time than to ever deny them but are you actually doing them any favours in the long run or are you just making things easier for yourself at the moment if you do that? There are so many people on the student money saving boards who just have no idea how to cope without everything handed them on a plate.

To get back to the OP I can understand your daughter wanting Heeleys and I think it is probably not a brand thing so much as a cool wheeled shoes thing. I bet if you can find a cheaper copy-cat version she would be happy with that. But if you are worried about them being dangerous maybe you could suggest that proper roller-blades would be better. I don't suppose that would be much cheaper but since they are less of a fad thing and adjust in size they would probably last longer and get more use and you would have more chance of selling them on. Not the same thing obviously but maybe a suitable compromise?

Ex-Spendaholic wrote:

I get what you are all saying about the potential dangers of heelies but there always has to be something that is dangerous. A couple of years ago it was trampolines. Every person I know knows someone who has broken their back after falling off one. Kids can easily become injured running in front of a swing or falling from the top of a slide but the media aren't interested in this. They can get knocked down by a car when wearing sensible Clarkes shoes. They don't have to be wearing heelies.

I honestly do take your point and I don't know what the data is on how dangerous heelies are or what the problems are which is why I haven't voiced any specific opinion on the subject; I just don't feel I'm qualified to comment However, I have to take issue with your comments on garden trampolines. As a qualified trampolining coach they are a topic I feel I am qualified to comment on and I don't think they are an appropriate toy at all. I honestly don't know any trampolining coaches who are happy with the safety of garden trampolines. I hate to be a kill-joy but trampolining coaches take so many precautions to control the risks involved in trampolining and people using garden trampolines often seem to not be fully aware of the risks involved, let alone able to control them. Sorry to go off topic but I hope you will understand that I am only trying to impart an informed, professional opinion with the hope of protecting both children and the reputation of my sport.

do_it_today!

Hi Carolt,
I dont have kids yet but can see your point of view to a degree (not that I know yet) but I think its about the process of coming to a decision and understanding behind it that you will want your daughter to appreciate... if you just tell her no they are too dangerous and too expensive but she see's all her friends having a good time on the heeleys she wont really buy into the its too dangerous argument - abit like the shock tactic smoking\drugs kill campaigns but if she is given choices such as the street gliders quick learner mentioned or the option of saving for them then she can start to think well are they really of value to her would it actually be worth her time in chores are they that great afterall. If you just tell her no without much discussion or chance for her to reach her own conclusion on the value of them. She might grow up subconciously dersiring the latest or most expensive whim because she was always told no. I have known various people who will only buy the best of everything because they couldnt have them when younger. It could be an opportunity for discussion about why everyone gets in hysteria over these things and what the different options really are and for her to have a greater value of things and teach her recognise the substance from the fluff in this consumer driven society. Advertising has a lot to answer for!!! it is soo slick and really targeted at kid these days. Personally I am not the biggest fan of TV and my kids will defo have limited access.

Nenen

Children usually want to 'fit in' and are influenced to a greater or lesser degree by advertising and peer pressure. Our oldest 2 (now aged 21 & 19) were never particularly bothered about brand names but our youngest son (now 17) always wanted the 'in' brand... his older bro and sis often teased and called him a 'fashion victim'.
What we did was to say that whenever he needed new clothes, trainers etc we would give him the money we would be prepared to spend to buy a reasonably priced 'non-cool' item and if he wanted the 'designer label' he had to put the rest of the money towards it or wait until they were in the sales. He has become quite a good bargain hunter that way and learned to earn/save enough to supplement a few key designer labels with supermarket own brands etc so he had just enough to feel 'cool'!

seven-day-weekend

kimevans wrote: »

See I'm not suggesting that all parents should buy their children all the latests toys, fashions, ECT. We can't afford everything they want.

What I'm saying IS IT NOT NATURAL AS A PARENT TO WANT TOO????

By the tone of many of these messages I'm thinking that many people wouldn't believe in buying them everything their hearts desired if they came up big on the lottery!!!:D

I would not buy my child branded clothes/shoes/toys just because of peer pressure even if I was a millionaire, however much the child wanted them..

Morglin

Two of my grandsons have got them, and love them, as do their mates.

They are a five minute wonder (like most things), but if you can afford it, then I'd get them a pair.

Lin

thriftlady_2

kimevans wrote: »

By the tone of many of these messages I'm thinking that many people wouldn't believe in buying them everything their hearts desired if they came up big on the lottery!!!:D

You're right there I don't believe that giving children everything their hearts desire is good for them. That's why parents should make these choices for their children and not the other way round.

I think many parents today are scared to upset their children. Who said parenting was about never upsetting your child (or vice versa for that matter:rotfl: ) You can't be Father Christmas all the time

Heelies are not necessary for a child's happiness. Parents who love them unconditionally are necessary, along with food, shelter and protection from danger.

You are the parent, you are in charge

mrs_mix

I must be a mean parent my children have tv's dvd's videos playstations and other games machines but they bought them themselves with money they earnt by doing jobs
I don't buy designer label's unless they come from one of the cheap sports shops
does that make me mean I don't think so it means I've taught my children that if they really want something they can save for it
I would much rather my children had a warm home, food and love much more important than material things and heely fads
pam xx

quick-learner

mrs_mix wrote: »

I've taught my children that if they really want something they can save for it
I would much rather my children had a warm home, food and love much more important than material things and heely fads
pam xx

I second that, I have tried to teach both my children the value of money and that if they want an expensive toy/game then that is what their saved pocket can pay for.

My DS is 9 and DD is 8, they both have 2 bank accounts each one for saving and they other is for their pocket money when it has built up a bit.

They know now that if they want toy/game/gliders etc and it's not their birthday/christmas they have to save themselves.

And they do, plus they like the interest when its added, money from the bank looking after it!!!

I think a happy and stable home environment teaching them that I WANT never gets in my house, and also hopefully they are understanding the value of money at an early age.

Alikay

I think there are 2 issues here: 1. the safety and 2. the brand and cost.

If you don't consider they'll be safe, I think you've got to refuse. I know you can't wrap your kids in cotton wool, but do a mini risk-assessment in your head, taking into account where they'll be used, what your daughter's like and any safety equipment she may or may not agree to use. If you're not happy with the degree of risk...well you're the parent, so say no.

If you ARE happy that they'll be used with reasonable safety (and no physical play is ever totally without risk) then you have to consider cost/branding. Could she use any pocket money or birthday/christmas money she may have? Can the grandparents give a couple of pounds towards them instead of Easter Egg? Are there any decent looky-likeys which cost less?

We certainly didn't buy our children whatever they wanted, but would help them save up towards stuff, sell old toys etc to get them. DS1 (then age 6) once saved for 6 months to buy the new Man Utd kit on the day it came out. Each time anyone bought sweets/ice creams for our kids, he asked for the money instead for his "kit fund" (usually only 20p or so!), everyone thought it was hilarious but he was so thrilled to finally get the kit....by the way, we weren't total ogres, and paid the extra for him to get a Beckham No.7 transfer on the back!!

emmaroids

if we gave our kids everything they wanted we would be well skint lol

you have to draw the line someware.