Am I being mean? - advice please?

newcook

My mom could never afford branded clothes/shoes for me when I was a kid but I grew up on a council estate and I think back then everyone there was in the same boat so it didn't bother me - as I got older I wanted branded clothes every now and then but my mom said if I wanted something badly enough I could save up and buy it. I still have my first adidas tracksuit (in mint condition!) which I bought 10 years ago!!!

I personally think that a lot of kids these days don't appreciate how much things are and think £60 for a pair of trainers is a bargain :eek:

if she really (really!) wants these shoes/skates I would get her to save as much as she can towards them - if she doesn't want to save then she doesn't want them all that much!

dannahaz

Is this really a brand issue?

It's not as though your daughter wants, say, a branded shirt or pair of trousers, where there are other perfectly acceptable alternatives.

Heelies is a particular type of thing. If there was more than one brand available, she'd probably be happy with any of them.

The fact that she's offered to "earn" them is excellent, and I would say should be encouraged. We can't teach our kids how to appreciate things if we either buy them everything they ask for OR if we deny them everything because we don't approve. If we do the latter, you'll probably find they waste their wages when they start earning, because finally they can get what they want.

It's much better, imho, to encourage the "earning" idea. If she gets them and likes them, well that's great. If she gets them and later wishes she'd spent money on something else, that's great too - she would be learning to appreciate the true value of things.

On the safety front, how many of her friends have been injured? I was interested to read ExSpendaholic's post, it's good to get a balanced view. Newspapers love to hype up reports of injuries. I'm not saying there aren't any, but I would bear in mind that if newspapers reported every car accident then no one would want to drive a car.

Good luck with wahetever you decide.

hobo28

I don't suppose there really is a right or wrong answer here and is really down to parenting style and personal choice.

I think giving a child a treat once in a while is fine and they need that to thrive. My opinion is that if you ban everything now, you'll get a MASSIVE rebellion when they are older and you cannot so easily choose for them.

The safety thing is complete rubbish. Of course there will be stories of kids who hurt themselves. When I was a lad I went over the handlebars of my bike more times than I can remember. I also remember lots of stories of kids hurting themselves but no-one ever suggested banning bikes! Teach the children and leave em to it.

My DD is 10 and has wanted Heelies for over a year. I refused to buy them because of the cost so she decided to save up for them. My ex (bless her) bought her a pair for xmas (2 sizes too big for growth!?!??) and to be honest I hate them.

The main problem I have with them is that I don't think she can walk properly in them with the wheels down and its nice to see her skating down a hill etc. but annoys me like mad when we're just trying to walk around or in a supermarket.

At the end of the day its no big deal either way but like I say, occasionally kids do need to be spoiled too.

Jet

My son had heely's for Xmas and what a brilliant present they were! It's really encouraged him to exercise and has given him confidence learning how to use them. Yes, they are probably more dangerous than normal shoes but then why do we want to stop children being children nowadays?

My son didn't want them because they are expensive or because of the branding but because he's seen other people wearing them and they looked like fun. He actually would have rather had a computer console for Xmas but he didn't get one because a. I couldn't afford it and b. I would rather encourage him to be active.

He most certainly does not get all that a lot of his friends have but he saves his own money during the year and I buy him things he wants for Xmas and birthday within my budget.

I think there is a big difference between teaching a child the value of money and never allowing them anything that they want. I think allowing children to learn about what they like and what they don't like is part of growing up and part of them developing and I think it's wrong to not allow this.

foreign_correspondent

Ok, well I think Heelies and the other things mentioned, street gliders look great fun - if I was a kid I would definitely be hankering for some!

I wouldnt worry about the danger element too much, kids need to take risks to develop and learn - how many of us have never fallen off a bike or out of a tree etc etc? Most of my best childhood memories involve getting the odd scrape here and there!

We seem to be developing a totally risk-adverse culture where kids are never allowed to try anything with any element of danger and so never learn how to challenge themselves and develop their confidence.

Instead we keep kids inside to keep them safge from strangers and being run over etc - we seem to see playing outside as being more dangerous than it was years ago - (for reference, twice as many people were killed on the roads in the 1930's than now - even though there were far fewer cars!!) Instead we keep them inside - hence the current obesity problem.

On the positive side of roller scates/heelies etc, they look brilliant fun, they are great exercise, and must be very good for developing balance and co-ordination.

They also look like the sort of think that would be great for playing with your friends on, and having a good laugh, rather than a solitary type of toy.

I agree that she will not still be using them in a few years time, so why not look at alternatives - different brands etc, and similar toys, and ask her to save half the cost of them. I did this with my first bike (second hand raleigh strika!) and was so proud when I had bought it!

Anyway, thats my opinion!

foreign_correspondent

Ok, just googled and found these, they have a sale and prices currently start from £19.99 - may be useful to consider as an alternative to Heelies brand
http://www.cruzshuzeu.com/index.shtml
(p&p is £5.50 on top I believe)

Jet

carolt wrote: »

I asked my oh who said no, he never had brands when growing up, and I was certainly unaware of most brands when I was a kid, or if aware, it would never, EVER have crossed my mind to ask my mum for them as I knew they were too expensive and unnecessary.

I think times have changed a lot. I am 32 and we certainly didn't have "branded" things as a kid. I do remember certain things being a "craze". I had "sindy" dolls and a space hopper for example.

Sometime in the early nineties, the "designer label" culture started and has stayed with us ever since.

I think heelys are a "craze" but it's not about the brand, it's about what they do.

Addiscomber

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

Ok, well I think Heelies and the other things mentioned, street gliders look great fun - if I was a kid I would definitely be hankering for some!

Had to laugh at this. Being slightly disabled in one leg, I often thought that one of those mini scooters that were the rage a while back would do me just fine! Somehow as an overweight 50+ year old I never plucked up the courage :eek:

I have to say that I agree with the posters who say go with the earn/save route, and the emergence of, possibly, more affordable alternatives is interesting. I have never visited the student board, and I was saddened to hear that there are unfortunate people there seeking help with coping with budgetry matters, as their parents have presumably failed to give them that lifeskill.

Mumstheword

DS1 wants some for his birthday. I've got him a cheaper brand for £20 (were on offer a few weeks ago at Netto). I dont begrudge spending the full price on him, but would rather spend the rest on something else!I will prob give him some cash too, and tell him it's his decision if he wants to take the cheaper brand back and get the money back, then spend the whole lot on real heelies. I think I know what he'll do when he has the cash in his hand

carolt

So many replies, so many opinions! Trouble is, I agree with all of you...

If I knew for a fact they were were really dangerous, then, as Alikay says, safety is paramount. And that would be that.

I like the idea of a cheaper brand or different item but not sure that would satisfy her - I think the brandedness and fitting in is part of why she wants them - as well as the fact they look fun. In fact, if truth be told, part of the reason I'm sympathetic to her on this and not on say, Barbie is because I do think they look/sound fun and would probably have loved them as a kid.

The other reason I don't think she'd like an alternative is because (I say through gritted teeth) she HAS a perfectly good pair of rollerblades she was given a year or two ago for xmas or birthday, can't remember, and she hardly ever uses them and can't really skate properly yet. Not totally her fault - she's not allowed to go out on the street/to the park to practice without adult supervision, but she's not exactly been clamouring for them either....

I do agree you shouldn't be an ogre and treat children occasionally within the limits of your budget - but I do feel she has far too many treats already, compared to when I was growing up. She is spoiled, I think, and doesn't really value the toys she has. I lost it with her yesterday when she compared herself to a slave - they've learnt about this at school due to the 200th anniversary - because I'd asked her to put her books back on her shelf! :mad: and gave her a HUGE lecture on slavery and what it was really like and how fortunate she was!!!

Obviously, I'm guilty here too of buying them too much 'stuff' just so I could see the look on their faces - though I do shop around very carefully and try to get them things they need/with an educational value. But I do wish family would get them less eg a nana they see every week who brings them a present every time she sees them! :eek: - only little, but it mounts up. And enormous amounts of stuff at xmas/birthdays. I don't like to get rid of them as they were gifts.....but that's another thread......

Certainly, the only way I'd consider her having them is if she earned them. But do agree with thriftlady - a little denial never hurt anyone and can be good for them. It doesn't hurt to learn there are more important things than material things and that you can be your own person rather than trying to always keep up with the Joneses. And that's without considering affordability.

Ho hum.. Might discuss it with her again and see what she says....

Thanks all - very helpful.