Am I being mean? - advice please?

Jet

carolt wrote: »

I lost it with her yesterday when she compared herself to a slave - they've learnt about this at school due to the 200th anniversary - because I'd asked her to put her books back on her shelf! :mad: and gave her a HUGE lecture on slavery and what it was really like and how fortunate she was!!!

My son has said a similar thing to me when being asked to do something like tidy his room or put his clothes away. Gave him a talk about how being tidy and doing chores is part of family life!

pudding06

I'd say they were toys. THeyre not necessary and as such should either be for xmas or a birthday present if you buy them at all.

If you give in at 7 then she ( and her sister!) will always think they can get round you. Look around you at the kids in 160 trainers - that theyve bullied their parents into buying cos they want to be like their friends.

Its human nature to want things - but it is good to teach them delayed gratification - its what distinguishes us from animals. if she truly wants them then she will appreciate them more for having to wait for them.

I speak as a mother of 4 grown up sons (who werent able to have branded stuff unless as part of a birthday or xmas ,as pressie), and as a secondary school teacher.

my sons now shop at asda, matalan etc for therir clothes and are grateful for the way they were brought up. THey problably resented it at the time though, but they know the value of money.


good luck with whatever you do. Its just one of lifes little challenges

pudds

Fritha_2

carolt wrote: »

So many replies, so many opinions! Trouble is, I agree with all of you...

Me too! I thought I'd add my opinion as well.

The interesting thing with my family is that me and my sister were brought up exactly the same but we are polar opposites (I swear I'm the milkman's!) I'm very very sensible with money, and my sister is utterly crazy with it! My point being that you can teach your kids what you like, it's up to them whether they listen!

Anyway onto the heely things! When I was 9 I desperately wanted a Game Boy, I don't know whether my parents refused to buy one, whether I knew they wouldn't buy em one, or whether I just took it upon myself that I wanted to fund my own lifestyle. But I saved up and bought it. It was £70 (a lot for 1989 when you're nine) I am still ridiculously proud of myself that I had that self restraint and I can't bear to part with it now (even though it's been played to death and I don't think it works properly anymore!)!

If this little girl was in my iron grip (and I think we'd all feel sorry for her if she was) I'd sit her down explain the dangers and why I don't like them. Tell her to think carefully about it, shop around and find the best price and then if she still wants them she would have to save up and pay for them herself (I'm lovely me!).

Personally I reckon since she's offered to work for the price of them, as long as she knows the dangers and can be trusted to be sensible with them I would let her.

But then she's not mine, and it's not my decision! Basically, I reckon you're not mean you're being a parent! Do what you think is best and it'll all come out in the wash :-)

balmaiden

When my daughters were at school money was very, very tight and there was no way that we could afford all the things they wanted We did buy them brand name trainers at christmas or for a birthday but that was it.My eldest daughter(31) was chatting the other day ,not finding fault, because she now understands the way it was for us then, but she did say how very very difficult it was to be the one without the latest must have item.I think if you can afford it, it probably does more good than harm to indulge them now and again. I dont mean buy them every thing they ask for, but now and again. Surely we dont have to be too rigid?

reehsetin

Fritha wrote: »

Me too! I thought I'd add my opinion as well.

The interesting thing with my family is that me and my sister were brought up exactly the same but we are polar opposites (I swear I'm the milkman's!) I'm very very sensible with money, and my sister is utterly crazy with it! My point being that you can teach your kids what you like, it's up to them whether they listen!

same with me and brother, he's in debt and ive almost got my own deposit for a house saved up, kids just are what they are sometimes

Carmina_Piranha_3

my mum raised 4 of us and i'm the only sensible one where it comes to money - perhaps because i'm the eldest?

my ten year old wants some of these heelies but he'll be just as happy with a cheaper brand. are they 'slim' trainers? he's got wide feet.

his roller boots are too small now, they lasted for years because they adjusted to fit a range of sizes. i am looking into getting him some heelies/cheap alternative - he doesn't have roller boots and the cheaper heelies cost less than new boots. new roller boots would last the same as heelies i reckon, because you just buy them to fit one shoe size.

i read last night on ebay that you have to buy them one size bigger than your normal shoe size - any opinions?

Nenen

Fritha wrote: »

If this little girl was in my iron grip (and I think we'd all feel sorry for her if she was) ...

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Thank you for making me chuckle at your really brilliant turn of phrase. Actually I bet you'd be a fantasic mum... just the right balance of firmness and humour!

Sarahsaver

Well due to a cooking disaster (paddle came off in bread machine) and me having terrible stomach cramps I ordered a pizza from a local takeaway.
DS1 aged 7 said 'Mummy it is more of a treat when you make it yourself' AAH! I have done something right.
I don't want to give my kids expensive stuff because at the mo I can spend my money better otherwise, and also whilst they are growing quick £30 for a pair of 'trendy' trainers or £5 for a pair from primark? Hmmm...
As for £300 for a games console? Yes IF I won the lottery but I would hate the damn thing all the same. IF I had enough spare money to buy a ps3 I would not buy one at present.
BTW as for cost DD got some in line skates from Argos for £14.99

Ex-Spendaholic

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

i read last night on ebay that you have to buy them one size bigger than your normal shoe size - any opinions?

Yes that's correct.

I never said earlier in the thread but at the ripe old age of 35 I would quite like a pair of heelies myself. When I was a teenager I wanted rollerboots. I never got them as they were "unsafe". To this day I can't think of another child that I knew that didn't have a pair. It was a bit of pain standing around while the whole neighbourhood flew up and down on their skates.

liney

Whilst i think spending £50 on shoes for a child is abit excessive, arent these 'heely's just as 'unsafe' as rollerboots?

If you dont want them to have them, fine, but dont go on about it being unsafe as a cover up. My mother cant ride a bike because my nan couldnt afford one, and they were therefore 'unsafe': she was petrified when we were learning. She still cant swim for the same reasons; ' You cant go just incase you get cramp and drown'