Quick Question Civil or Criminal?

daska

DS2's Dad's first solicitor advised him he didn't stand a chance - then SS removed DSD from her mum and we were forced to apply for residency. Do't misunderstand, this was what had been wanted for years and it was only the solicitor's naysaying that had prevented it.

New solicitor's first question was "why didn't you do this years ago, there's more than sufficient grounds for you to win". And we got pretty much the same question from cafcass. We actually found ourselves digging out the notes/letters from the first solicitor to prove that he hadn't just left his daughter in unsuitable conditions. His lack of action was one of the reasons the order for parental responsibility wasn't granted for over a year.

Moral of the story:get yourself a good solicitor, one who's on the children and family panels.

Mindless_Clone

To be honest OP, you could have had DP say to their mum that then children were having such a lovely time and have asked if they can stay an extra few days with daddy. She might have been more than happy not to have them around if they are such a bother to her and the money is all she needs. Probably would have come off better all round, and given you time to actually do some digging on the new bloke and satisfy yourself if he was safe or not. Unfortunately, her shacking up with a new bloke is not reason enough to prevent the children going home. yes it might not be emotionally nurturing for them, and yes he may well turn out to be an axe murderer or worse, but innocent until proven guilty and all that. If you have reason to believe he's likely to be a danger to the children, then that's different, but you have to trust DP's ex to behave responsibly (even if you know she doesn't)... or to challenge her parenting in a legal way.

I think your options are clear; if you're that concerned about their welfare whilst living with mum, then you need to find a way to have the children live with DP as their main residence. Shouldn't be too hard if she's that much not bothered and they are just a cash cow to her; just cut the money and make her go through CSA. She can threaten all she likes not to let him see the children but, actually, he can fight that in court too (and, face it, the 7 year old at least if old enough to express his/her opinion about whether he wants to see dad or not). Once she realises the "not seeing the kids" threat won't hold, and she's not getting the money they bring in, she'll probably happily dump them on you.
If, in fact, she really doesn't care.

I think you're probably going to end up with a nice messy court case on this. If and when you do, bear in mind the courts will take the children's wishes into account. A 4 and a 7 year old definitely are capable of expressing an opinion so it will hold some weight - the 7 year old's at least. Otherwise, proving she's not meeting their emotional and physical needs will be crucial to your chance of success.

Bear in mind, no matter what, she is still their mother. be the bigger persons here and don't badmouth her to, in in front of, the children.

To all those who think her DP was wrong to leave the children there in the first place... let me say that a man walking away from his much loved children, leaving them to save his own life/sanity, is quite possibly the hardest thing any man could do. My DH walked out on his first wife and 2 sons after living in hell for 6 months. It near destroyed him at the time to do it, but would have destroyed him to stay. Until you've walked a mile in those shoes and all that...

mum2one

from experience the courts don't reallly take that much interest in the childs point of view direct if there under 10, cafcass will interview the children and get their thoughts but they can only make recommendations, generally the court makes the final decision.
Yes the 7 old may have a view at to what he wants, but how cafcass deal with that is another issue.

I've been emboiled with police, cafcass, solicitors, courts for over 18 months, and at the mo we're technically finished, it still isn't final enough that if in time my es decided the arrangement is not to his favour he can re-apply for court.

newcook

PrincessPlaty wrote: »

I know it is the truth, I knew her before me and OH were together and she told me herself that she was doing it and I have seen some of her online profiles too :eek: lets just say it leaves nothing to the imagination....

do you remember the websites that the profiles were on? go on them and take a screenshot of them.

it may even be worth your OH calling SS and having a chat with them saying that he is concerned about the environment they are in and would like the children to be in his care until its been investigated further.

Forgot to say as well, while its good to have a trail for the conversations if ever she gets nasty, unfortunately texts can be read in the wrong tone and this can then escalate – if I were your OH I would download a phone recording app on the mobile so he can speak to her and the call is recorded (also good for when the children call her from the phone)