Quick Question Civil or Criminal?

PrincessPlaty

Long story behind it but I will give you the short version!

OH has his 2 children here they have been here since Friday are not due to go back until tomorrow.

His ex has a new boyfriend who she has only known since last weekend he has already met the children and stayed over night at the house with the children there.

OH has told her by text he is not happy with this and would like to meet him for a bit of reassurance about the childrens safety and to discuss future arrangements about the children and access and asked her if she wanted him there as a bit of reassurance.

She was agreeable to all this up until about an hour ago and now she wants OH to meet the boyfriend 'man to man' to sort this out.

This is supposed to be about discussing the children!

She has just sent a text saying he is to return the children this evening.

Am I right in thinking that if he doesn't and she calls the police they will tell her that its a civil matter and that she needs to contact her solicitor? I am well aware that they may want to come round and check on the childrens welfare.

Just to add the children don't want to go home. Every week its a fight to get them home.

Tiddlywinks

Never mind the semantics of criminal or civil...

Why communicate via text about something as important as the children? Can't your OH have a conversation with his ex?

Texts get misinterpreted all the time, the exchange will only get more heated and that is just childish.

Is there any reason to suppose the children are at risk?

Why do the children not want to go home?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Bear in mind that your OH's reaction could be taken as 'how dare you consider having another relationship, you have no right to do so without my permission'.

I am not saying that is how he has said it, but that is how it could feel to her.

And if there's a Residence Order in her favour, you could have a bit of a surprise if he decides to keep the children against their mother's wishes in apparent response to her moving on with her life.

PrincessPlaty

As I said there is a long history behind it.

He has been communicating with her via text to try and arrange a time to talk face to face because she won't talk to him every time he tried she screams solicitors at him.

The woman up until recently (don't know if she still is) was/is a prostitute, she was inviting men into the house with the children there in bed asleep. She has her brother who has drug convictions in the house and leaves the children alone with him. Her mother uses the back garden as a toilet. Her father is an alcoholic who is a carer for a very ill disabled man (social services are involved there also) She has been reported to social services by the neighbours for constantly shouting and swearing at the children.

OH is paying her £400 a month in maintenance, despite the fact that if it was through the CSA it would be less than half of that. If he mentions reducing payments she threatens to stop him from seeing the children. She has been financially and emotionally blackmailing him for a long time.

I had their 7 year old in tears this morning 'because mummy never buys anything for them and is always buying herself new clothes and shoes, telling him she doesn't have enough money'. He even told me he had suggested to her selling his old toys so that he could make some money to buy new ones and she said no.

She doesn't give the children a hot meal at all. They have told me that since breaking up from school they have been eating sandwiches, yoghurt's, sweets and biscuits.

She has 2 other children that she walked out on when they were around 4 and 5.

I could go on but I would be here forever....

PrincessPlaty

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Bear in mind that your OH's reaction could be taken as 'how dare you consider having another relationship, you have no right to do so without my permission'.

I am not saying that is how he has said it, but that is how it could feel to her.

This is exactly the reason why he has asked to meet him not in an invasive way but a meeting with all 4 of us in a neutral place somewhere the children can play so that it didn't come across like that.

She doesn't seem interested in discussing the children at all though she just wants the new BF to talk to him 'man to man'.

PrincessPlaty

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

And if there's a Residence Order in her favour, you could have a bit of a surprise if he decides to keep the children against their mother's wishes in apparent response to her moving on with her life.

There is no residency order and he has full PR also.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

TBH, if she has been on the game and all these things are true, how on earth could your OH be so detached as to allow the children to grow up there, and now only appears to get annoyed that she has a boyfriend?


You have to admit, it doesn't look good for your OH either from an independent point of view.

PrincessPlaty

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

TBH, if she has been on the game and all these things are true, how on earth could your OH be so detached as to allow the children to grow up there, and now only appears to get annoyed that she has a boyfriend?


You have to admit, it doesn't look good for your OH either from an independent point of view.

This isn't an all of a sudden thing this has been ongoing for months backwards and forwards through the solicitors because she was refusing to talk even through mediation.

He finally got her to agree to sit down and talk away from solicitors etc yesterday and then today she changes her mind, this has been one thing after another.

Tiddlywinks

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

TBH, if she has been on the game and all these things are true, how on earth could your OH be so detached as to allow the children to grow up there, and now only appears to get annoyed that she has a boyfriend?


You have to admit, it doesn't look good for your OH either from an independent point of view.

I agree... if the situation is so bad (prostitution, exposure to illegal drugs, alcoholism, possible neglect) why has your OH not applied for residency?

The appearance of a boyfriend suddenly makes all that seem worse?

PrincessPlaty

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I agree... if the situation is so bad (prostitution, exposure to illegal drugs, alcoholism, possible neglect) why has your OH not applied for residency?

The appearance of a boyfriend suddenly makes all that seem worse?

Honestly due to the lack of legal advice from the solicitors, he has been asking the same questions over and over again and getting no advice. The only advice the solicitor gave him was that it was unlikely for him to get residency even with all of this but it depends on the judge.

He has reported her to social services himself also.

Tiddlywinks

PrincessPlaty wrote: »

Honestly due to the lack of legal advice from the solicitors, he has been asking the same questions over and over again and getting no advice. The only advice the solicitor gave him was that it was unlikely for him to get residency even with all of this but it depends on the judge.

He has reported her to social services himself also.

What have social services said they will do? Has your OH followed it up?

If you both genuinely believe that the children are at risk (in another thread you mentioned that the children said they were hit by the mother and an 'uncle' and that they had said someone had threatened your OH) then you need to be proactive in asking for progress reports etc.