Fed up with Mother In Law to be

jellyhead

One of them can pay it then

I see no reason for you to dip into your wedding savings, not while her bf has savings of his own!

Mojisola

Faith177 wrote: »

Some of the things she has done in the past are just nasty her main dig is that we don't have kids yet. OH & I are very of the mind we want to be married and settled before kids. That's if we can have kids as OH had a lot of ops in his teen years & has been advised chances of having kids are VERY low which she knows but keeps dragging up EVERYTIME we go to visit.

She goes on about our weight all the time (especially mine which I put on when ill). [/COLOR]

I picked up a very good tip from someone on MSE a couple of years ago for dealing with people like this. The next time she says one of these things, as calmly as possible say something like "You may not realise that saying that really upsets me so I'm telling you that it does. I don't think you mean to hurt me so I'm sure you won't bring this up again".

If it comes up again, say "I told you last time that saying that hurt me. As you know that and have chosen to done it again, it's clear that you are intending to upset me. I'm sorry, we're leaving/I've got to ask you to leave my house or whatever suits the situation".

Some people need the lines they can't cross marked so clearly that they can't say - I didn't know, It was a joke, I didn't mean it, etc.

Faith177

Moji that is a really good idea I'm going to try that

pinkclouds

Northern_Princess wrote: »

There is always two sides to a story. I have watched many people moan about their MIL's simply because mum was (in their view) being unfair. Perhaps her son is happy with the current arrangement therefor why not support him?

^Because Faith has a family too.

Faith177 wrote: »

OH is left with £20 a month after his mother has picked him clean!

If Faith also chose to "support" her family to this extent, they would not be able to live on 40 quid a month. Simple fact.

I very much believe in helping family and my closest cousins send money to their mom every month, as dutiful children, to help her out. However, this cannot be done to the extent of beggaring your immediate family. At some point, kids could come into the equation. It should never be the case that paying for an old relative's lifestyle is more important than paying for a baby or young child's needs.

Mojisola

It's the old "give a man a fish and he eats for a day" thing.

If Faith's OH's family learned to live within their means, they could stay debt-free for life instead of having to depend on someone else to rescue them all the time. Far better for everyone concerned.

Faith177

Thanks Moji that is what I think is happening because they know OH is "always good for money" they don't think they need to cut back they can keep living the way they want know they can just summon up money when they like

Mojisola

Faith177 wrote: »

Thanks Moji that is what I think is happening because they know OH is "always good for money" they don't think they need to cut back they can keep living the way they want know they can just summon up money when they like

Your OH has got to make a decision - does he want to keep on subbing his relatives and risk his relationship with you or is he prepared to tough it out and start thinking about his new family - you and any future children?

Errata

Why has this situation suddenly become a problem? Is it something he's started doing only recently - and perhaps may not continue for much longer - or has he been doing it for the three years you've bee living together as partners? If it's the latter I hope the old dog can learn new tricks, as the situation may have existed for a quite a number of years.

KxMx

Do let us know how the chat with OH goes, think you said yesterday you would talk to him tonight?

Reminds me of a cousin who told me she was too poor to buy printer ink. Within 1 week she was showing off new expensive trainers and an SLR camera1

Faith177

Errata there has always been borrowing going on in the background which I didn't mind as it was all paid back in some form or another (their buisness).

Now though since her partner isn't working and not claim anything she is borrowing more & more and the debt is mounting quickly and she isn't making any contributions back.

Her partner isn't going to look for work as he is due to retire soon so is happy to just wait until the day he can collect his 2 final salary pensions (2 years away i believe).

OH cannot continue supporting her at an average of £180 a month for the next two years because based on that then she will owe over 5K! That is just silly.