Fed up with Mother In Law to be

Faith177

He has paid it in full it was an auto dd out of his account. His mother is "apparently" putting the additional money in on Friday but i'm not holding my breath. If it is the same next month and BIL doesn't pay then I think we'll have to look at taking phone away (btw he is 22).

I am fully prepared as it is only going to continue and what happens when we have kids of our own "sorry kids you can't have new shoes nanny need fags & booze" Sorry but that is NOT going to happen!

shelley_crow

I hope you get him to see the light. Maybe tot up everything she had had/"borrowed" from you. A cold number of however many hundreds or thousands and what you could have done with the money instead. Weddings aren't free, you could have put the money towards that, maybe a holiday or savings towards a baby. Good uck.

cbrpaul

Just to give you another way of looking at it , , and we dont know the full specific details as such over the years,

If mother and son are close, and son is happy to do this for his mother , after all she bought him into the world and cared for him for many many years before you came along , then i dont see why its wrong for a son to do this sort of thing for his mother, if he so wishes of course and is not pressured , maybe you should respect his decision to do this for his mother?

There is and always will be a special bond between parents and their children.

Faith177

Funny Shelley_crow I was thinking of doing that

BugglyB

Hey,

I agree your MIL sounds awful, I would just be careful about how you approach this with your OH. Badgering him to agree with you that his mother is a grasping, manipulative cow may be really hurtful for him, and that he will need your support while he comes to that realisation himself.

I would approach it purely from a financial angle whilst reinforcing you do like MIL (even if thats not true), you do want a continued relationship with her and you might think of some other 'nice' things you can do together that don't involve money.

paddy's_mum

cbrpaul wrote: »

There is and always will be a special bond between parents and their children.

I can see the logic of this view and I agree that there needs to be 'respect'.

However, what respect is there when the able bodied mother and her f e c kless partner are happy to put enormous pressure on the other person the son has a special bond with (ie his fiancee) and sit on their backsides while she does two jobs in order to fund their piddle-it-up-the-wall lifestyle!

OP - this is not a looming problem - it's right here and right now. You can't afford, in so many ways, to just let things drift along like this.

Tell me - on those weeks when your mother in law is not working and comes to you for money, does she step forward to help with your garden, cook a casserole, do that week's ironing for you, wash your car? That's how most people repay the generosity of others.

Parasite is a nasty word, isn't it ...!

Faith177

cbrpaul as I said previously I don't mind him lending money to his mum. I lend money to mine (but she pays it back!) My & mum are close so that argument I agree with.

However it is getting to the point where I am having to lend him money to pay his bills and repair his car. He actually said yesterday that it's not helping him having to support his mum as well as us.

ladybug08

Men & their mum v/s family - tricky- they first have to see and believe what is genuinly wrong and then it takes a strong character to stand up to situations & circumstances to balance the whole thing that will work well for everyone involved. If we raise our voice to stand up for this, we just look like we're nagging and the finger can get pointed at us for being the insensitive and non understanding one even though what is happening finantially is totally wrong. I hope you get things sorted, as once the rule is made the trouble causing & attention seeking will stop(or at least be seen by everyone) from the MIL. Have a soft & gentle plan that is right by yourself and your husband to be, they will always listen when it comes from your heart.

shelley_crow

When OP's OH was a single guy with few commitments, maybe helping out a relative to a certain extent is an admirable thing to do. However, the son now has a soon to be wife and presumably at some point in the future will have children to provide for. Where do you draw the line?

It seems that the special bond in this case seems to be the bond between mother and her son's bank card.

What is jumping out to me about this is the lack of respect and honesty from the mother. She has been guilting money out of the son and doesn't intend to pay it back. She may have given him life but she could end up bankrupting him, where's the motherly love in that? I used the word "parasitic" in a previous post, I think I'll stand by it for now.

Faith177

Paddy's mum she is in Birmingham were down in Essex so not pratical for her to do any of that (though I wish it was as it would make it a little easier)