Fed up with Mother In Law to be

Errata

You need to think long and hard about who you intend to marry. If you think his mum is taking him for a ride and he doesn't understand what she's doing, then he's a bit thick isn't he. If he does understand what she's doing, then he's making a very clear choice about how to spend his money and right now he prefers to spend it on her, not you.

System

I think its absolutely disgusting that parents ask their children for money. I'd rather go without than ask my kids for anything.

Lara44

I think your OH needs to make really clear boundaries and stick to them. He has to commit to things that are totally within his control. If he has committed to paying his brother's phone bill at £15 per month, why would he pay for this overspend? His brother will never learn what's acceptable to your OH if he doesn't make it clear. Or he could have avoided this situation by paying £15 by standing order into his brother's account.

It's obvious that your MIL doesn't respect the whole idea of loans and treats this money a gift. I would write off all outstanding loans to save conflict and resentment, and instead agree between you what to give your MIL when she's in trouble. It is right for children to help their parents (and vice versa) but only to a reasonable degree.

This must be vexing your OH, but don't blame him for trying to help out his family. Try to be understanding and approach it as a team. You need to sort this before getting married Good luck!

Slinky

With the brother's mobile, if he agreed to pay £15 for a year, that's £180 in total. I'd give him the balance now up to £180 for him to use for however many months that lasts, but make it clear that if it doesn't last a year, it's not your OHs problem.

As for the MIL, words fail me.....

Faith177

Thank you all for your input it has really helped :T I began to wonder if I was being oversensitive due to her past "bad" behaviour.

OH has night off tomorrow so I'm going to approach it then as I agree it needs to get sorted before the amount becomes more ridiculous than it already is.

The contract for the phone is up in Dec and we normally renew it as BIL Christmas present but I think that will stop this year. I would love to put it in BIL name and give him the money but as he is only on JSA I don't think anyone will give him a contract

RAS

When mum is not workign she needs to sign on and claim JSA.

Have you checked that she is gettign all the benefits to whcih she is entitled? Although she will have to work 30 hours a week to claim WTC? Go to https://www.turn2us.org.uk

byjimini

Stop being a woman about it. Us blokes generally don't get the hints and signs that something is wrong, we're simple creatures.

As for your situation, I sympathise greatly, what a sponger.

Faith177

Would it matter that it's only sometimes a week or two at a time that she isn't working? I'll get OH to look at the website. I know when her partner was going to claim JSA they were going to have to do it as a joint application taking into account her earnings and her partner was very anti this his words "it's none of their f'ing buisness what other money is coming into the house. I've paid my taxes I deserve the JSA" (he's a lovely man as you can tell)

RAS

Slinky wrote: »

With the brother's mobile, if he agreed to pay £15 for a year, that's £180 in total. I'd give him the balance now up to £180 for him to use for however many months that lasts, but make it clear that if it doesn't last a year, it's not your OHs problem.

Please do not do that without careful checking.

I suspect that both these phones have been taken out in OH's name as the leeches cannot pass the credit checks. He is therefore liable for the cost of the account for the duration of the contract. If anything is paid late, Oh's credit record is wrecked, not mum and bros'.

shelley_crow

If the phone contract is in your OH's name then you're a bit screwed really. He might have agreed to £15 a month but if the full amount isn't paid then it will affect his credit rating and there will be debt collectors at his door. It might be worth ringing up the phone company to see how much it would be to buy out the rest of the contract, it was £39 this month but next month it could be hundreds. I used to work for a phone company and the bills some people ran up (when they weren't paying it themselves) was absolutely horrifying.

Your MIL is undoubtedly taking the mick out of your OH. If she wants something, she can bl00dy well go without or save for it like the rest of us have to. The fact she is taking money away from your family when there is money in ISAs is terrible.

She sounds parasitic, sorry if that sounds harsh. If she was your OH's daughter rather than his mother then the advice would be to cut her off and make her work for her money. The same applies here. I hope your OH sees the light, are you prepared for the eventuality that he won't stop haemorrhaging money to her?