Fed up with Mother In Law to be

londonsurrey

Northern_Princess wrote: »

I believe it is up to Faiths OH to make the decision not to continue helping out his parent/siblings financially if that is what he chooses to do. It certainly is not her decision to make.

I agree with you entirely.
It seems to me that Faith's OH has not totally clarified in his mind and/or been totally straight to her about whether this support is going to decrease/continue/increase.

At the moment, Faith is expecting money borrowed to be repaid. What is the MIL's track record on repaying borrowed money to Faith's OH and others?

Faith has subbed her OH for car repairs, and his shortage of money for this seems to be a surprise for them both. If Faith's OH is expecting to continue supporting his family in the current manner, he should tell her this, and not mask it with a moan about how difficult it is to save for a wedding, because he KNOWS he has these expenditures that he has no intention of cutting down on.

So once he is totally straight about how much he intends to spend on his family, Faith can make an informed decision about HIM AND HER, and not be surprised, which would then lead to her begrudging how much he gives to them.

Faith177

Hi All

Thanks again for all the comments they have been a great help

In reply to Moji

If Faith's OH could afford to support his family as well as save for themselves, I don't suppose she would be concerned about it. - If we weren't struggling nd OH didn't only have £20 to live of by the end of end of the month I would have no issue with helping

If Faith's OH's family were pulling their weight and working but still needed some help, I don't suppose she would be concerned about it. - Again if they were helping theirselves (ie cutting out expensive habits) I would be more than willing to help

If Faith's OH's mother had not done other things that have upset Faith, I don't suppose she would be concerned about it. - Some of the things she has done in the past are just nasty her main dig is that we don't have kids yet. OH & I are very of the mind we want to be married and settled before kids. That's if we can have kids as OH had a lot of ops in his teen years & has been advised chances of having kids are VERY low which she knows but keeps dragging up EVERYTIME we go to visit. She goes on about our weight all the time (especially mine which I put on when ill). Wanted OH to make a 20 hour round trip to pick them all up the day before the wedding because she didn't want to be cramped up on a train. When he said no she sulked for 4 days.

We use to get on great when I first started going out with OH in fact I use to love going to visit as she always made me feel welcome. It started to sour when OH moved down here then got worst when we got engaged and seems like the closer we get to the wedding the worst she is becoming.

Northern Princess I don't mind him helping her out but where do you draw the line. She has racked up £900 with OH since March not including mobiles & broadband plus the £350 for the TV she owes me. How is that acceptable when she is making no attempt to pay a penny back?

Londonsurrey her previous track record has been good paying money back or they would come to an arrangement between them for example he would buy something we needed from the catalogue and she would pay that. I still wouldn't mind her doing that this time but she just seems to ignore the issue.

Mindless_Clone

Archiebear wrote: »

Forgot to add another option!!

1. Stop paying MIL's phone bill..... then she won't be able to call your fiance to ask for money:rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl:

Sorry you're having this problem with your future monsterinlaw Faith; I hear what some posters are saying about it being parents and if you're happy doing it etc. etc. but from all you are saying it's very clear that a) this is having knock on effect on your finances and you are not happy with that and b) OH actually does have a problem with it. I suspect a little discussion and a push would be all it would need to bring this to a head.
I think your OH needs to find a way to withdraw somehow, from all the agreement about the phones etc. and then, simply, if she asks for money, say no. If she's that desperate she can forgo the fags, or borrow from her own OH.

I hope you find a way to sort this out. I expect you'll get grief for it but I think it's a price you will have to pay.

Taadaa

byjimini wrote: »

Stop being a woman about it. Us blokes generally don't get the hints and signs that something is wrong, we're simple creatures.

As for your situation, I sympathise greatly, what a sponger.

This is very true, they don't get them, then when we explode at their lack of inaction they get defensive because they didny realise there was a problem in the first place.

I dread this sort of situation. You need to take action as it could become a dealbreaker.

NotYetMrs

Someone I know was owed several hundred pounds by a younger family member, pretty much same situation, I'm broke, but can always afford to smoke and drink.
They decided to put a stop to it and said, as they were on a pension, instead of me giving you £x (or present) for your birthday/Christmas, I will deduct it off of what you owe me till it is paid up.
Amazingly, the relative accepted there was no longer a bottomless pit and even tried to pay some back.

Mojisola

Faith177 wrote: »

Hi All

Thanks again for all the comments they have been a great help

In reply to Moji

If Faith's OH could afford to support his family as well as save for themselves, I don't suppose she would be concerned about it. - If we weren't struggling nd OH didn't only have £20 to live of by the end of end of the month I would have no issue with helping

If Faith's OH's family were pulling their weight and working but still needed some help, I don't suppose she would be concerned about it. - Again if they were helping theirselves (ie cutting out expensive habits) I would be more than willing to help

If Faith's OH's mother had not done other things that have upset Faith, I don't suppose she would be concerned about it. - Some of the things she has done in the past are just nasty her main dig is that we don't have kids yet. OH & I are very of the mind we want to be married and settled before kids. That's if we can have kids as OH had a lot of ops in his teen years & has been advised chances of having kids are VERY low which she knows but keeps dragging up EVERYTIME we go to visit. She goes on about our weight all the time (especially mine which I put on when ill). Wanted OH to make a 20 hour round trip to pick them all up the day before the wedding because she didn't want to be cramped up on a train. When he said no she sulked for 4 days.

We use to get on great when I first started going out with OH in fact I use to love going to visit as she always made me feel welcome. It started to sour when OH moved down here then got worst when we got engaged and seems like the closer we get to the wedding the worst she is becoming.

Northern Princess I don't mind him helping her out but where do you draw the line. She has racked up £900 with OH since March not including mobiles & broadband plus the £350 for the TV she owes me. How is that acceptable when she is making no attempt to pay a penny back?

Londonsurrey her previous track record has been good paying money back or they would come to an arrangement between them for example he would buy something we needed from the catalogue and she would pay that. I still wouldn't mind her doing that this time but she just seems to ignore the issue.

I think it's perfectly understandable to be upset by what's going on. I really think your OH has got to show that he's strong enough to resist their demands before your relationship goes any further. If he can't do it before, then this will your life pattern until your relationship breaks under the strain.

I come from a very supportive family and we have helped each other out when necessary but it's mutually supportive and ebbs and flows as people's circumstances change. If one family member was always on the take - especially if they were not very nice to the people who were doing the giving - the help would soon dry up!

Faith177

Taadaa I know I dread things like this too but everyone is right it can't keep going on. It may seem like he is helping her but he's not really as I think she has become dependent on the money which is never a good thing

Notyetmrs this may be the route to go. She used to pay OH back by paying for something out of her catalogue I may see if this might help her this time.

Moji your family sound a lot like mine we help as and when needed but there is an on running thing that if you pay it back it is there to borrow again if need the key thing being you pay it back lol

jellyhead

What contract and network are these mobile phones on?

I have 250 minutes on my new contract. I used to have 300, so just to make sure I don't go over by accident I have put an app called 'phoneusage' on it, told it my bill date and every so often I look to see how many minutes I have used since the last bill. I can't afford to go over.

Would the brother be able to do that?

Some networks (3, I think?) allow kids accounts with a limit, that might be an option. If you want to allow them a £15 contract each then limit it at that, so they can't go over.

If they know they only have X number of minutes then perhaps they will use text messages instead, and stop costing you so much. My 16 year old only gets 100 minutes on his contract and he's just had to learn how to stick to it because I can't afford any more.

jellyhead

With them all being out of work I would be tempted to cancel the direct debit for their internet, hit them where it hurts

When they call, say your bank has refused to pay it this month because you are so overdrawn, and you won't be able to pay their bill until they give you some of the money they owe you.

Faith177

BIL is on Orange on Panther I think it is he has 50 mins atm. I know that sounds low but before buying this adaptor he was only using text. He went over by about 60 mins from what I can gather.

Hers is on Vodaphone (I think) I have no idea on her allowence. She wouldn't know how to use any apps or just claim she doesn't but the BIL should be ok so I might suggest that to OH.

I went into an Orange store last night and think they can set a limit on the account OH just needs to call them so I'll get him to do that soon.

This month is the best to act as I'm not getting paid for 2 days sick leave so my money is going to be seriously short when it gets paid (however i have money set aside so I'll be ok if I really need it) so I'm using this op to stress that it all needs to be sorted as next month there will be no spare cash. I know this a little white lie but I think it will help and I'm only going to use my savings if I really have to and I don't want her to be the reason I have to use them.

I would love to do that to them and it is seriously getting to that point. She wouldn't be fussed as she never use's the web but the two brothes (1 does work) will be seriously p'ed off especially the BIL who doesn't work the internet is his lifeline!