Fed up with Mother In Law to be

Stephb1986_2

Don't get me started on future in laws taking the P!ss!!

My FFIL doesn't work as he is disabled (something wrong with his back) he lives with my H2b in h2b's house, it was h2b's parents house until they broke up his mum moved out and they needed a roof over their head so in their infinate wisdom my h2b bought the house.

The house needs gutting new bathroom, kitchen isn't too bad but the rest needs carpets and wall paper it's all bare at the moment. My fiance pays all the bills etc and his dad lives there completely free he doesn't even do any house work apart from his own washing and ironing. I feel that he's taking my OH for a mug but my OH is too soft to stand up to himself and lets him take him for a ride.

When we go out for a meal it's always me or my OH that pays for the meal his dad always has a bottle of wine to himself (we don't drink) and a steak dinner he never offers to pay we've tried going out without him but it never works.

We're due to get married in just over 18 months time I currently still live with my parents and do not want to move into his house as I'm not their maid and why should I pay half of the bills and support his dad? My h2b doesn't want to sell the house as this is the house he grew up in for the last 29 years. I can understand centimental value but I don't see why I should move from an area I like it's a nice area to 25 miles away where it's rough and not a nice area to live in.

Steph xx

Faith177

Oh Steph that doesn't sound good x

pinkclouds

Stephb1986 wrote: »

We're due to get married in just over 18 months time I currently still live with my parents and do not want to move into his house as I'm not their maid and why should I pay half of the bills and support his dad?

In this century, there is no penalty for breaking an engagement contract. If you're not happy, then you don't have to marry him. Emotions change quickly but people change slowly - or not at all. A DIL is not another name for a skivvy. It's up to you if you want to be one.

cottonhead

I would talk nicely to your other half before it gets out of control and impacts on your lives to the point of causing upset or financial stress.
If your OH wants to scarifice his own money thats his choice but not if it means both of you going without. Do you share the bills then have money left over each ? If so just ensure that any money thats handed over comes from him and dont bail him out if he has no spending money left.
Can you speak to the phone company and put a limit on the phone ? I know my phone will only allow £100 of use before the line is barred. Could they do that for a set amount that is manageble if you asked ? Good luck.

Faith177

Cottonhead I hadn't even thought about putting a limit on the mobile thank you!

We split the bills then whatever is left is our own to do what we want and each month we take it in turn to buy the animal food. This month though he has had to pay half the bill money in on Monday and the rest I will have to cover until his next payday (because of the increase in mobile bills). Then it'll all start again next month

thorsoak

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Don't get me started on future in laws taking the P!ss!!

My FFIL doesn't work as he is disabled (something wrong with his back) he lives with my H2b in h2b's house, it was h2b's parents house until they broke up his mum moved out and they needed a roof over their head so in their infinate wisdom my h2b bought the house.

The house needs gutting new bathroom, kitchen isn't too bad but the rest needs carpets and wall paper it's all bare at the moment. My fiance pays all the bills etc and his dad lives there completely free he doesn't even do any house work apart from his own washing and ironing. I feel that he's taking my OH for a mug but my OH is too soft to stand up to himself and lets him take him for a ride.

When we go out for a meal it's always me or my OH that pays for the meal his dad always has a bottle of wine to himself (we don't drink) and a steak dinner he never offers to pay we've tried going out without him but it never works.

We're due to get married in just over 18 months time I currently still live with my parents and do not want to move into his house as I'm not their maid and why should I pay half of the bills and support his dad? My h2b doesn't want to sell the house as this is the house he grew up in for the last 29 years. I can understand centimental value but I don't see why I should move from an area I like it's a nice area to 25 miles away where it's rough and not a nice area to live in.

Steph xx

Steph - if your husband to be supports his father in this manner, and feels that it is the "right" thing to do, then nothing you ever say or do will change him In this case, you should think carefully about whether or not you should marry into a culture of this kind.

Buttonmoons

Sounds like my own mum!

She is constantly on the phone pleading poverty, but can consume (I suspect) a bottle of vodka a day + 20 cigs! Then bemoans she has no money in the gas and my little sister needs a bath etc etc etc! Guilt trips.

Despite the fact she doesn't actually have that much less income than me coming in, I'm a single parent, I work, about to start juggling college too + childcare - I've told her to sling her hook, and about time really. She now knows not to ask me for cash as I go balistic, she never ever ever pays it back.

I'm also blacklisted as she took out store cards in my names (in wrong DOBs etc) so that's super awesome too...

Faith177

Buttonmoons sounds like loads of fun for you hun

VfM4meplse

amus wrote: »

It sounds like your OH is being taken for a mug IMO.

byjimini wrote: »

As for your situation, I sympathise greatly, what a sponger.

I'm a little disappointed about the attitude to the OH's mother. He clearly loves her - but unfortunately his way of expressing it is to give her money, which has stopped her from having to make difficult decisions in order to manage her own needs within her earnings.

OP - I agree that an ultimatum is required. Be clear that the financial help ends, but don't discount other practical ways of helping (such as heavy "mans" work), there's no reason your OH shouldn't be kind to the people that matter most to him in the world. If he treats his mum badly he could do the same to you, only it will be easier for him to do so.

thehappybutterfly

Your BIL doesn't work and he has a contract phone? Lucky him. Your MIL can't afford to pay for broadband etc but she can afford to smoke? Lucky her. You're trying to save up for a wedding but your OH is bled dry every month by these 2 leeches?

Time to cut them off OP. Your hubby to be sounds lovely - generous and obviously cares for his family - all good things to have in a husband but he's getting the mick taken out of him. This problem will only get worse and harder and harder to deal with the longer it goes on.

Like someone else said - there's generosity and then there's stupidity.