Fed up with Mother In Law to be

Faith177

Hi All

Just need a bit of a rant as my MIL2B is causing me major stress :mad:

She works as a cleaner for a gentlemen who has alzheimers. When he goes into hospital she does not get paid. Who is the first person she hits up for money my OH! She now owes him £900.

I'm getting sick of it we are struggling to save for our wedding and she keeps poncing on OH. The final straw came for me yesterday when he got his brothers mobile phone bill in. We agreed to pay his mobile phone for a year as his Christmas present £15 a month. He is partially deaf but has an implant to be able to hear. Apparently he has now got an adaptor that allows him to be able to make calls which they did not tell us about this month his bill is £39!!! When he phoned to ask why his mum got all upset and said she didn't think to tell him the bill would be higher. This is on top of her mobile phone which OH also pays going from the usual £10 to £69 this month!!!

As it is his mum he feels it is hard to say no to her as she lays on the guilt trips but I'm at the end of my tether. I work two jobs while she sits around still able to smoke 20-30 a day and consume a couple of bottles of bacardi every weekend :eek:

I don't know what to say to OH to get him to stop giving her money and I can see that if it goes on much longer it's going to become a real issue. She has a partner (who doesn't work after being sacked from his last job) they have no mortgage and he has 10K sitting in ISA's and other accounts.

Sorry for the long post but this on top of all the other horrible things she has done it is really the last straw

pinkclouds

Why are you getting married before dealing with this issue? It *is* a "real" issue.

If it doesn't stop before the wedding, then it will not stop after wedding.

Ultimatums are blunt and go either way. But 5 wasted years are better than 50 unhappy, *broke* years. I realise I'm not giving advice but I think this is more of a vent and that you actually know what to do. It's probably scary thinking about it. OTOH, you will definitely know the depths of his love for you. Or the shallows. Best of luck.

Faith177

Thanks pinkclouds

I think I just need to lay it on the line and just try and make him wake up to her. I don't mind lending her money but she never pays it back she still owes me for a TV from last June!

Just need to think how to word it now lol

mogwai

Does your OH actually want to help his mum out? If he does, you should work it out between you so that he can continue to support his mum when she needs it (which is the decent thing for any adult offspring to do), but also so that it doesn't affect your finances too much.

I would advise you try and reach a compromise with OH so that he doesnt feel that he has left his family in the lurch and you don't feel hard done by. Better than an ultimatum which will end badly for your OH either way, ie either affecting your relationship with him, or his mums.

dragonette

That sounds horrible sadly, your OH needs to tell her where to go. Why is he paying their bills to begin with? Future MIL clearly either has no respect for him, or doesn't care about taking advantage of people. I would also suggest making sure your wages do NOT go towards subsidising them, its not fair on you.

Def agree that this needs sorting asap as it is a significant problem that will just continue to get worse

Good luck

Misty_Blue

Faith177 wrote: »

Just need to think how to word it now lol

Word it to your fiance, or your MIL?

To her, it's simple - "I'm sorry, I'd like to be able to help but money is tight for me at the moment. Especially as you still haven't paid back what you borrowed for the TV last year."

To him, I think you need to sit down and have a calm chat about how you feel, and how you feel that his mother's behaviour is jeopordising your chances of a happy future together.

amus

It sounds like your OH is being taken for a mug IMO. What is he paying her mobile phone bill for? If she wants a mobile phone she will have to cut back on cigarettes.

She sounds like a teenager not your husbands mother!

And I wouldnt lend her any more money until she has paid back what she owes. And I would also inform his brother that you wont be paying his mobile phone bill next month as this months bill was double what you agreed to pay.

You really need to put this behaviour in check before a. it gets any worse and b. ruins your relationship with your partner.

Faith177

I think he is beginning to get fed up with it as it is now a monthly thing and she is doing nothing to help her situation as I said still smoking, drinking ect.

I agree children should help out their parents (I help mine when she needs it) but when the parent is taking the mick where do you draw the line?

OH is left with £20 a month after his mother has picked him clean! Good idea though Mogwai about reaching a compramise. As I sais he already pays their mobile phone bill & their internet I think that should be it but I'll see what he has to say.

marmitepotato

Me thinks its time Mum grew up.......just who is the parent and who is the child here? Everyone needs a helping hand at some point but she is just using your OH as a money tree.

I feel for you OP, this is a problem that is not going to go away. I agree with pinkclouds, how do you see your life panning out if this situation continues?

cbrpaul

What is it with MIL,s , are they destined to cause such problems in relationships ??
My MIL has done so now for 29 years and counting !!!!!!

amus

Faith177 wrote: »

I agree children should help out their parents (I help mine when she needs it) but when the parent is taking the mick where do you draw the line?

OH is left with £20 a month after his mother has picked him clean! Good idea though Mogwai about reaching a compramise. As I sais he already pays their mobile phone bill & their internet I think that should be it but I'll see what he has to say.

To be honest I always thought it to be the other way around i.e. parents help out their kids. Understandably elderly relatives may need help with things like shopping and bills but not money.

I would understand if your partner was earning lots of money but if he is only left with £20 a month after paying all his family's bills what on Earth is he doing it for?

I mean no offense OP, but there's a fine line between generosity and stupidity.