Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

WelshGandalf

Interesting thread...

90% of our wedding was paid for by family. We were only 1 year out of university so didn't have much money of our own at all, and marriage was important to us for religious reasons so parents/grandparents were happy to help.

Last year we bought our first house. We had some parental assistance (gift) for this though the majority of our deposit was saved ourselves (we are very good with the money that we do have). The larger deposit means an awful lot of money saved in the long term as it means we can get cheaper mortage rates than we would've been able to ourselves. The challange of getting an affordable mortgage is hard and not one that the last generation faced when housing was a lot more affordable in relation to salaries, so they have helped to bridge this generational gap that has opened up and we are grateful for it.

I don't anticipate ever asking or needing money from parents again, it's just that little bit of help needed for the big things early on in life. Also we've been fortunate that one set of our parents are doing fairly well for themselves so it's not much of a hardship for them to help us out. I hope I would do the same for my kids many years down the line.

Brown.Owl_2

My parents help me out - it is always a loan though - I have to pay them what i can afford each month - I needed a lot of extra money to cover my daughter's expenses and an upfront fee for a training course while i was unemployed. Now i am self employed i pay back what i can as my income fluctuates. They are great and don't pressure me for the money but are happy with at least £100 a month (providing my ex does give me maintenance - they are ok if i skip the odd month due to his payments being unreliable)

euronorris

They have helped me out, numerous times, over the years but the frequency is getting less and less. And sometimes, they kinda insist on it. ie, If I know I cannot afford a visit home, but they are pestering me to visit, I tell them why I can't visit yet. At which point, they insist on paying for the flight. But.....the reason they are so insistent is that, due to my Mum's ongoing health problems, she can't fly at the moment, so they have only visited me here twice in 3 and a half years so they view it as their way of equalising the balance.

Still makes me feel bad though, and I'm trying to get myself into the position where I can afford to pay everything myself. Almost there now

I know they have occasionally helped out my siblings too, when things were dire.

OH has never asked his folks for money, but his upbringing was very different. His Dad was and is still never around, and his Mum had very little money to spare up until recently. She keeps trying to give him money or buy him things, but that's her choice.

His brother though...different story entirely. He seems to want to rely on anyone and everyone he can, in every way possible.

Emperor_Nero

As new parents we are actively putting money away each month for our kids, so that when they hit 18 they will have something behind them. Personally, I plan on drilling it in to them to save at least 10% of whatever they earn from the moment they start work (and perhaps even when they start getting pocket money!). We hope that we can teach them to be sensible with their money however, if they ever came to us in need of help, we would have no problem bailing them out.

On a personal note, my parents have always been willing to help me out when in need, which is rarely, but an example would be when we moved in to a new house and the boiler packed in! My parents lent us the money to get a new one (about 3k), and I made sure that they got every penny back in full as soon as we could afford it (Monthly payments). I hope to instill the same levels of respect in our kids as my parents put in me I would never expect/demand/assume that my parents would pay for my spending if I was frivolous and splashed out on silly un-necessary things, but I know my parents would be there if I was seriously struggling to make ends meet.

Marwell1

A lot of people are implying that their parents are 'comfortable' financially, or 'they can afford it' but how do they know? Most parents would go without themselves to help their children. We have given money to our children towards houses, cars and their children's tuition when they are in need - but in the winter we don't put the heating on unless we have visitors, and plan our journeys carefully because of the cost of petrol. We wouldn't dream of telling our children how careful we have to be.

unimaginative_user_name

My parents paid my maintenance costs while I was at university and allowed me to live rent-free at home while I was training to teach as the only support I was entitled to at that time was a £1500 bursary from which I had to pay travel costs and things I needed for my course. I continued to live with them when I started work and moved out after a year when I got married. I paid them a third of my net salary for room, board and use of my mother's car. They chose to save this money and used it to pay for our wedding reception rather than spend on living costs. There argument was always that I would need their money more when I was young than after they were gone.

They did pretty much the same for my sister.

I have only borrowed money from them once since I got married £2000 for a car for my husband. I could have used savings to pay for this but Dad was happy to help and I knew I would be more disciplined about paying back a debt to him than paying the money back into my own savings. The loan was paid back well within twelve months.

My inlaws had a much lower income than my parents though more valuable assets which incurred substantial inheritance tax costs after the second one died. They were unable to help us financially in their lifetimes but the money my husband inherited has given us financial security now.

We do not plan to pay our daughter's way through university (following Martin's advice) but we have set up a junior ISA which we hope she will use as a buffer if she needs it and as a deposit for a house. She will have more need of it when she leaves university than after we are gone.

euronorris

Marwell1 wrote: »

A lot of people are implying that their parents are 'comfortable' financially, or 'they can afford it' but how do they know? Most parents would go without themselves to help their children. We have given money to our children towards houses, cars and their children's tuition when they are in need - but in the winter we don't put the heating on unless we have visitors, and plan our journeys carefully because of the cost of petrol. We wouldn't dream of telling our children how careful we have to be.

I don't know about anyone else, but I know because I have seen all of the financials. They've been prepping us for their deaths lately. Morbid, I know, but they don't want us panicking and struggling to find paperwork during a grieving time. As part of that, they insisted that I come with them to a bank appointment recently (mainly as one of my brothers refuses to discuss the subject at all), where I was privvy to all of their financial details, current account, various savings accounts etc etc.

They struggled for many years when I was younger, but they are more than comfortable now. That said, I keep telling them no to hang onto money just to pass it onto us. They should enjoy it to the fullest! If anything, they should hang onto it in case they need carers help, or need to go into a home, later on.

mercmanricky

Mankysteve wrote: »

Does the 30quid a month pocket money paid into an old account count?

I keep telling them to cancel it but it never does get cancelled, I'm 25 now and work fulltime.

£30 a month? Are your parents on forbes list?

euronorris

mercmanricky wrote: »

£30 a month? Are your parents on forbes list?

It's not that much. For years mine was only 2 quid per week (so approx 8 quid per week). But when I reached 14/15, my Mum gave me the child support money she received bi-weekly, in exchange for me doing extra chores around the house. I *think* that was about 15 quid per fortnight. But.....I was also the youngest of 5, and the elder siblings had either already flown the nest, or were contributing to the household financially.

onesixfive

Both sets of our parents had very little spare cash - but they would always find us some if we had asked - but on the very rare occassions when we did, it was always repaid in full very quickly.
When we were lucky enough to be left some money some years ago, (and by then we had only one set of parents), we released them from the rental trap they had been in for almost 50 years by pooling our inheritance with their savings & buying them their first home.

Money is not the only factor to take into account here. Other things they have done for us over the years - decorating, gardening, laundry, ferrying us around - Its not only financial support we have had, but voluntary unpaid assistance which would have cost us a fortune (and we have no children so couldn't include any childcare costs!) - thats what really drains the bank of mum & dad these days!