Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

Sammy85_2

Our parents don't regularly support us, but there have been occasions when we have had a loan from "bank of mum and dad" when we've had a tight month. Its not something we've done regularly and it was rather embarrassing asking for a loan but they have made it clear that they would rather us come to them than take out a loan and have to pay interest. We've always paid them back by the next month.

They also contributed financially to our wedding - something we didn't ask for but our parents insisted on. They would have been offended had we declined it as both sets of parents had made it clear that they felt it was their job to pay something towards their childs wedding.

When our daughter was born they paid for the nursery furniture. Again they insisted on this and it was what their parents did for them when I was born. I did however choose a less expensive set than I would have picked had I been paying the bill.

2bFrank

Might just be me, but I could never take any money off my mum. I did uni on my own, bought a house on my own and now paying for a wedding on my own. it gives great satisfaction to stand on your own two feet, and I am absolutely useless with money so if I can do it.... Mum has always offered her saving at each point of my life of these, and every time I will turn them down. It hurts her feeling I know but mum doesnt have much money and worked hard for the saving, she needs this money for the future.

Ive no issues with parents helping there kids out, mates have had parents help out with deposits for house etc, and my mates, put in there fair share too. Just recently my mates bought a house and had £20,000 saved themselves and his parents doubled it, its great that his parents can do this and I am very pleased for him, although if his parents gave the full £40,000 and my mate saved nothing, then, well we wouldnt be mates anymore as I could not hang around with someone so greedy.

TBH though, at Uni my grandad use to save his £2 coins for me, which I took because it was his way of helping me and he would have been very upset if I didnt, but I did use this money for actual uni stuff and not on beer, also mum is buying our wedding cake, again because she really wants to do something to help out and would hurt her feelings if I did not let her. Also if I had no money and needed food, shelther etc, then I would turn to my mum, but only at this point, and would work as hard as I can to pay it back.

cottonhead

Im so fortunate I have had loads of help from my parents. Perhaps more so than some because I am the only one, I know they couldnt afford to suport 2 in the same way. They paid the deposit so we could buy a house, paid for our wedding and honeymoon and regularly buy gifts for our home ( new kitchen, new boiler etc etc ) they provide childcare and covered our mortgage payments when I lost my job. Any hint that we are short of something and they help immediatly without even being asked. My parents are very generous and I am very thankful for them and all they do. I certainly hope to do the same for my son and will make taking care of my folks in their old age my priority. I would have really struggled without them. I dont think there is shame in getting help from your parents so long as you dont take the mick and you return another favour. Thats what family do.

fabforty

crochet wrote: »

There are plenty of adult "children" helping out their parent's financially too, why does the media and mse never cover this?

Absolutely. I pay my parents council tax and have done so for the past seven years - currently £1200 p.a. My sister pays their phone bill and my brother stocks up their freezer with a ton and a half of meat, fish and chicken every few months.
Our parents on the other hand, did very little for us apart from the absolute minimum. As soon as we reached our teens, we were expected to find Saturday jobs and use the money for pocket money, school dinner money and buying non-essentials.

I was resentful at the time but now I realise that it made me the person that I am. I have always worked, never had trouble finding a job even during recession probably because I have been prepared to do anything (any job) to pay the bills. I had a law degree yet worked in a call centre and as a cleaner while waiting for that 'graduate' job to turn up.

As adults we have never had a penny - both parents gamble and drink, have never saved anything and to be frank have nothing to give. We put ourselves through college and uni, bought our own homes and everything in them, cars etc. I can't imagine being an adult and still relying heavily on my parents.

mercmanricky

We paid for our wedding, honeymoon, house (and everything within it), car and everything in between.

My parents have offered but I would rather struggle by, maybe i'm stubborn and should accept help.

My parents taught us to pay our way in life and to never rely on anyone else. Once we started working, we were expected to contribute to the running of the house, both through our time and financially.

Complete generalisation BUT most people in financial trouble are there because of bad decision making / prioritising. There are, of course, some people who have been unfortunate, but they seem to be the minority.

Friends of mine who are in financial trouble think it's a result of the economic climate, i don't, i think they have been foolish in decision making and have relied on their mummy and daddy far too much.

clairec79

If either my brother or I were stuck I know they would help us both out but it's not something regular or something we ask for.

When I first moved out my father would occasionally take me food shopping (Had no car) and once or twice when at the check out would pay (didn't know in advance and I was always prepared to pay) and he did pay my first NMC registration. Often if we go out for a meal they will insist on paying for all of us, other times I'll insist on it.

I think he gave my brother money towards his son's funeral as well.

I don't think they'd take well to my brother or I supporting them, although we would if they needed it (but as the morgage is paid off, my mum is still working, dad has 2 pensions and they go on 4foreign holidays a year I figure they are fine)

lolly_896

My Mum and Dad are a great help to myself husband and children. They contributed towards our wedding, always help with childcare so we can both work. If they see something looking tired in our house they always offer to help out to replace - just last month the back of our sofa went and they bought us a new one. Yesterday my car broke, pay day is friday and i have asked Mum to lend me cash too sort it - without it i wont be able to work so on top of paying for it to be fixed i'd lose my weeks wages. Holidays - they book us a weekend/week away for our Christmas present.

Writing all this down, makes me realise we are totally dependant on my parents. Although i do help them, both at seperate times have been really poorly and i have helped with all care given to either whilst the other parent is running the family business. I also help out with the family business, no where near as much as they help me though

Jim_B_3

crochet wrote: »

There are plenty of adult "children" helping out their parent's financially too, why does the media and mse never cover this?

Because adult children helping their elderly relatives has been the standard for generations. It's "normal", in as much as we have a "normal" anymore. China is going to have serious issues with this tradition in a couple of decades

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

My mum and dad taught me and my sister the value of money really early on, we were both encouraged to get jobs as soon as we were old enough and expected to contribute to the household bills. Like someone else said, I resented it at the time, but now realise it was the best thing they ever did and I fully intend to do the same when I have kids.

My parents bought us our cooker as a house warming present when we moved into our house, other than that there is the odd treat of meals/takeaways but nothing is expected and I certainly don't ask them to pay for stuff.

My sister on the other hand, who is in a completely different position to me, has had a large chunk of her wedding paid by them and a whole heap of stuff bought when she had her first child, with her second due any time now it will no doubt be the same. All given as 'gifts'.

I'm neither married or have kids yet, my parents will want to treat me the same and keep things fair, I won't want or expect it from them and will probably upset them telling them so!

My boyfriend's parents are the polar opposite of mine and have spoilt their kids rotten, buying everything for them and now none of the 3 of them have any idea of the value of money like I do.

I never go running to my parents for money, in fact quite frequently over the last few years it has been me that has lent them money to pay for things like holidays, fixing their car etc.

nczm

I've not been financially dependant on my parents for a number of years now, however that doesn't stop mum turning up with the odd groceries or calling to say she's bought me an item of clothing (which I think is her subtle way of telling me I look scruffy).
On the other hand my elder sister recently took herself off to uni to qualify as a nurse, given the limited bursary (and that she was not in a position to relocate) my parents have provided her with financial support - she wouldn't have got through it without them and qualified last week!