It's over. Betrayed, heartbroken, jobless, homeless. (long, sorry, venting)

RAS

In his mind, the Office Manager probably thought he was giving you the oppportunity to let him know about it.

Or was uncertain whether he should let on that he knew. He will not have had the first clue why you took time off.

ostrichnomore_2

Nope, I'm fuming, because he was told officially that we'd split up, and that the reason we were informing staff was that they were no longer to discuss our private lives with us, relating to each other. (as I didn't want any innocently asked conversations like 'so what are you and ex doing this weekend?' being asked due to their thinking we were still together).

I guess he isn't smart enough to take that a stage further and realise I wouldn't want to be quizzed about ex's holiday either!

marisco_2

ostrichnomore wrote: »

No, we don't jointly own the house.

It's more that there's only one spare room and his daughter gets first dibs on it. I'm fine with that, but she won't commit to any particular dates, so he wants to reserve the room for her for the whole period just in case. He refuses to tell her that someone else has been invited too so she needs to make her mind up when she will/won't be here. I then said, fine, if need be and they are both here at the same time my son can have my room and I can sleep on sofa. Nope, not allowed, no one to sleep in living room.

So while he hasn't outright said my son isn't allowed up this year, that's the result. I think he's scared to face him, lol.

The last time an adult told me I was not allowed to do something I was in my teens. Dont stand for it. You clearly have a right to be in the house otherwise you would not be living there. Your ex has no right whatsoever to throw his weight around and tell you your son cant visit or where you can or cant sleep.

Tell him in an assertive, strong manner that you wont be spoken to or treated like that and who visits you and where you sleep is your business. Clearly he is a bully use to getting his own way. Bullies soon crumble when they meet their match though.

His daughter is being selfish and unreasonable expecting the room to be kept solely for her as and when she decides to stay. Its Xmas and anyone with a smidgen of common sense would respect and understand that people will wish to stay and visit you. If she wont commit to dates then it may be a case of 'no room at the inn'. Tough luck if she wont check her diary isn't it.

You are still in the 'thinking as if in a couple mode'. What he thinks or wants is no longer any of your concern or interest. Start thinking about what you want and how you wish for things to be and put that into practice. It is easier than it first seems and is incredibly liberating.

Jox

Your son can visit and stay and can sleep in your room or someone can sleep in the living room, you don't need anyone's permission xx

ostrichnomore_2

Well yes, that's what I was thinking when I said I'll ignore it and invite son anyway :-)

It's just an example of how ex can be a bit of a !!!! at mo - it should have been easy enough to coordinate two visitors dates. I don't think it's his daughter being difficult, I think she genuinely doesn't know that it matters for her to pick her dates.

lolly_896

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Well yes, that's what I was thinking when I said I'll ignore it and invite son anyway :-)

It's just an example of how ex can be a bit of a !!!! at mo - it should have been easy enough to coordinate two visitors dates. I don't think it's his daughter being difficult, I think she genuinely doesn't know that it matters for her to pick her dates.

Surely after being married for so long you have some sort of relationship with his daughter, even if you just phone her?

elisebutt65

I'd have thought that being married, even if you're not on the deeds or mortgage, you'd still be entitled to some of the equity in the house. Why don't you visit a solicitor for the 1st free half hour and see what they say?

ostrichnomore_2

We were not married.

I have seen a solicitor and co-habitee rights are very limited.

mshappy

I have just read your thread from the beginning what a strong lady you are!

Did you ever manage to talk to the new woman?

Keep staying strong

Savvy_Sue

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Well yes, that's what I was thinking when I said I'll ignore it and invite son anyway :-)

It's just an example of how ex can be a bit of a !!!! at mo - it should have been easy enough to coordinate two visitors dates. I don't think it's his daughter being difficult, I think she genuinely doesn't know that it matters for her to pick her dates.

Rather than asking him, can you not TELL him that if he will not ask his DD when she intends to visit, you will, and that you WILL explain to her why you are asking? Or just contact her direct: that seems perfectly reasonable to me ...

Although, I might prefer NOT to be there for Christmas at all: can your son put you up, or can the two of you go away somewhere together? Could be a lot more fun!