A harsh punishment or fair enough?

gravitytolls

londonsurrey wrote: »

No, I am trying to establish what it is about this happy playing that made Child C think it was worthy as reporting to the teacher.

If you are saying that you have categorically established that
- Child A wasn't upset at all (e.g. was she asked "You weren't really upset, were you?" or asked "How did you feel when you realised it wasn't real"?)
- Child B had no malicious intent

Then yes, it was blown out of all proportion, and the merry band can all skip off into the sunset together happily.

However, there is a discrepancy that is odd here. The children play for tens of accumulated hours. What about this particular exchange made Child C think it was noteworthy?

You can't phraase it like this, it'll put words in their mouths and they'll tell you what they've implied you want to hear ~ unless they're of sufficiently strong character.

sarymclary

I am invariably of the view that what goes on inside school is the teacher's business, not mine. So long as discipline and learning are taking place. We only have this story from the perspective of one person, and that happens to be a young child, with no ability to have an overall perspective on matters.

Who's to say that this incident wasn't part of a catalogue of malicious incidents? The teacher and teaching assistants will have a far better idea of how matters were carried out, and if they felt that using the traffic light system would be an effective way of showing that this was not a nice thing to do, then it has to be accepted. How are teachers going to be able to maintain discipline within a classroom if parents are going to constantly intervene and give their two-penneth about how they do their job?

As a parent of a child who was subjected to a variety of malicious acts of another classmate at school, at a similar age, I can verify that young children are capable of doing some very nasty things. The girl who tormented my son was supposedly his best friend, but said he couldn't have other friends if he was going to be her friend. After a few weeks, she then totally abandoned him in the playground to go play with another group of children, who were then forbidden by her, from including my son within the group. If he tried to speak to this girl, she warned him that she could cry at will, and would do so to get him in trouble. She then demonstrated her 'skill' by bursting into tears, drawing attention from a teacher in the playground, who then told my son off, and he had to apologise for upsetting her. Extraordinary, but true evidence of a psycho-bunny at only 8 years old. The effects of this behaviour did have quite a nasty effect on my son though, who went from being a fairly relaxed, happy kid, to one with nervous tics, which in time developed into a form of tourettes, and needed to see a psychiatrist because they became so bad.

I wish I had paid closer attention to him complaining about this child at the time, and not fobbed him off with telling him to just play with other children... she wasn't making life as easy as that it turned out.

Kids will be kids, but there's always the chance of a psycho being in the mix too!

londonsurrey

gravitytolls wrote: »

You can't phraase it like this, it'll put words in their mouths and they'll tell you what they've implied you want to hear ~ unless they're of sufficiently strong character.

Exactly. That's why I enquired about the wording of the question put to the child.

londonsurrey

peachyprice wrote: »

I think Spendless has answered that here:

Perhaps she was less than happy that child A and B were playing happily, which sounds like the normal 9yo girl power struggle between three girls.

If that's the case, the Child B has been done a grave injustice and has been bullied by Child C. The OP has a moral duty to present the facts to the teacher.

pimento

Spendless wrote: »

I am not sure. Child B was spoken about to teacher along with a significant number of other children about being mean and spiteful to Child A earlier this year. The whole group admitted it and were punished accordingly by teacher. Child B was a hanger on of this crowd rather than the ring leader. As I mentioned earlier child A and B had been playing together recently.

This is pertinent, too. Child A has been being bullied by a group of which child B was one. That puts a different slant on it.

Spendless

Nan63 wrote: »

The question that needs answering in my view is why Child B and 'significant number of other children' appear to be targeting Child A with 'mean and spiteful' behaviour and what is being done to stop this.

At the beginning of this academic year there was an incident out of school before term started, between my DD and a child in her class who lives nearby. This child and child's siblings damaged my DD's property after calling to play with her. DD came in crying about it. My husband spoke to the children's mother who apologised, punished and offerred to repair the damage. I thought no more of it.

This child has an Autumn birthday and she and my DD attend an out of school activity. One of the group leaders asked the girl who she had invited to her birthday party which was being held in the village hall and got the reply 'I've invited every girl in my class' then spotted DD nearby and said 'I've invited every girl in my class except Miss Spendless'. This was true as I've checked with other parents.

From then on it became acceptable to isolate and exclude DD from a social group of 2/3rds of the girls in her form. Incidences include shuffling away from her in assembly if they ahve to sit near her and telling her to her face on more than 1 occassion that 'I really don't like you'.

I informed teacher at parents evening who was unaware of what was going on and she said she'd address bullying in 'circle time' I guess this is Primary schools version of PHSE? Things didn't really improve and following another incident when this circle tried to get DD's bf to play with them and leave DD out (she refused to do so) I complained again, this time in writing. This time teacher took DD aside asked what was going on and to name the kids involved. She then had them in, they admitted it and she spoke to them about how wrong it was and punished them all. Child B was one of the kids concerned but def not the ringleader.

londonsurrey

The injustice to Child B aside, if it is allowed to go unchecked, then quite frankly, it's easier for Child B to simply not play with Child A if it leads Child B open to accusations and punishment and no one does anything about it.

And so Child A is left alone again.

pinkclouds

Spendless wrote: »

I did think some people might question if I was the parent of Child C.

Tbh, while I wasn't sure which child was yours, I was hoping it wouldn't be Child C. That child sounds like she's dobbed the other kids in for something harmless that would have been settled between them quickly and soon forgotten. Now Child A & B have both been hauled in front of the teacher and have the consequences of how they both were/will be viewed by their peers.

A sanctimonious so-and-so did something vaguely similar at senior school, to me and a couple of other girls (telling a teacher that another kid had done something to us). It was so nothing (we'd already dealt with it ourselves) and not worth the embarrassment of having a teacher quiz us about it.

Spendless

londonsurrey wrote: »

Exactly. That's why I enquired about the wording of the question put to the child.

By me or by teacher? Teacher didn't ask her at all. When I was told story by DD she said she knew it wasn't official and told me what had happened and the punishment given. She didn't say she had been upset by it, just that she was aware that it wasn't a true invite.

balletshoes

I don't know about you, but I'm very glad we're nearly at the end of the school year :cool:!