In complete despair :(

Cat501

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

Anyone else think that the OP's timeshare partner dictated the post?

Hadn't thought of that until you said it but yeah.....jeez, that makes my blood run cold.....:eek:

pixie76

You have had an awful time lately & it must be difficult for you. You are having his child & obviously have feelings for him.However, I would be very wary of this guy.I have been with a controlling man & was told to 'trim' my Facebook friends down, believe me it won't stop there, there will be other 'restrictions' placed on you.

I wish you & your children well for the future & take care of yourself.x

SandC

This is the stuff that Take a Break is made of. Women rushing into relationships blah blah blah....

FBaby

No one can say that you've made the wrong decision by taking him back because there is most likely so much more to the story than what you have shared here, however, you acknowledge yourself that all went to fast from the start, therefore if there is one thing you certainly need to do now is slow things down. Taking him back with no conditions attached to it is putting you in an even more vulnerable position. Each time he betrays you will be more painful. It might not happen, but it also very well could. I've just had a friend left broken hearted through being totally betrayed the second time and it is horrible. I even know the guy (knew him before her), he isn't a nasty person at all, he just has serious issues with commitment, is very passionate, but also very anxious and the two don't mix well together.

In the end, your man has treated you badly. You can excuse him as you wish, you might decide that you can make it work, he still has treated you badly. Taking him back with no conditions attached will only make him believe (consciously or not) that he can do it again with the confidence that you would probably take him back again even if you say differently because as you've found out yourself, actions speak louder than words.

If I were you, I would have made it clear that what he has done has dented your trust in him and you therefore need time to rebuild it safely. I wouldn't have agreed to him moving back in with you. I would have told him that if he is really committed to you and baby rather than taking the easy route (as most men chose to do), then he would be prepared to take a flat, sort himself out financially, and show that he can cope living away from his kids without feeling miserable.

For all you know, she's the one who gave him the ultimatum and told him to go when he wasn't prepared to do as she asked (ie, have no contact with you and baby at all), so his coming back to you is not totally his choice. Be careful, look after yourself and baby.

ALIBOBSY

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

Anyone else think that the OP's timeshare partner dictated the post?

This is exactly what I thought, the whole post was full of the sort of language an abussive partner would use. Everything becomes your fault and it your fault you did such and such which made me angry so I pushed/pulled/hit you.

OP please, please don't let him keep you down. I hope we are all wrong, but like many on here having lived with an abussive ex it sounds textbook.

I do hope things work out, but OP if he ever hits/pull/scratches/crushes/pushes you or any part of your body don't let him fob you off with excuses that its your fault. Throw him out the second he lays another finger on you or your children.

Ali x

*max*

Either he dictated the post, he wrote it himself, or he broke her spirit to the point that she actually believes what she wrote. Any one of those is an utterly scary prospect. It actually sent shivers down my spine.

mianjakesmummy

hey everyone,

i just wanted to come back and post again after reading some of the replies.

firstly - no he didnt write / dictate or sit with me when i wrote the post he actually didnt even know i wrote it (i am an adult and quite capable to admit when i was wrong without someone forcing me too)

its all to easy for people to read one side of the story and assume things especially on a forum, but as we all know there are always two sides.

when i wrote the post i was blowing up and making a point of noting all the bad things and not mentioning any of the good things at all (like how he took my car and completely changed it into my perfect car by repainting and everything without wanting even a thank you, not to mention how he makes me feel on top of the world whenever he is near, how nothing is too much trouble if thats what i want thats what i get) i was hurt and angry at him at that time and being completely hormonal sent me slightly crazy

the guy has lost his business and his children and moved to a completely different town becuse of being with me. He had a bit of a breakdown when he left, the week before he saw and had the children for the first time in over two months and had to drive them back to their mothers over 400 miles away on his own and hand them back not knowing when he would see them again (issues are very strained with the ex and also being able to afford the visits everytime) and before anyone starts slating him for leaving in the first place the children were living in the same town but the mother decided to move them 400 miles away without a word to anyone in the middle of the night.

i am on (rather strained) speaking terms with the ex and i know it was his decision to leave and come back as she has told me this herself and even he has told me, i have no reson whatsoever to not believe what he says as he has always been truthful with me, even when he couldnt work out if he had feelings for his ex or if it was because of missing the children, he was always honest with me about how he felt.

to be honest i think he actually did the right thing going back to try and make it work, it made it clear in his mind just how he felt about me, with the rush of how fast everything moved and all the things that happened he had to make sure he was doing the right thing. people may say he treated me badly but believe me i gave as good as i got and a whole load more

i also wanted to point out that i am not a doormat at all - i have actually been in an abusive relationship before where alot more serious things happened and was more than happy to walk out of that relationship have him arrested and press charges. i am not a walkover - and for the record, he has never ever laid a finger or even raised his voice at my children, i would never ever put my children in a position where they may be in danger - they have not seen anything of what went on as they have been at their dads. i may have whined like a little girl in my original post i am no doormouse if i really felt completely threatened and in any danger i would have had no qualms about doing the same again.

im not saying that everything is now make believe land and we are hunky dory, we have ALOT of talking and sorting things through but we are starting from scratch not for anyone elses sake but our own, we are working on making the good things even better and working on the bad things (yes even my bad things too we all have them!) to make sure they never get that bad.

Mojisola

So why did his father say what he said?

sassyblue

OP, you're an idiot.....

Good luck though. You're going to need it.

MiddyMum

Sometimes, we have to make our own mistakes, sometimes we make the same mistakes over and over too. In this case, it seems the OP has let her partner's 'good 'outshine the bad for now. I have often found in the past, that sometimes "feeling" the consequences of poor mistakes only occurs when the !!!! really does hit the proverbial fan. Even then, only " some " will get get the message. In the past and maybe even now, I have had a high " dealing with crap " tolerance level :rotfl:) Although, some people only get burnt once, and they learn. OP, I wish you all the best though and I really mean that...

Although, I just want to say one thing. No man who truely loves his pregnant gf would ever have to share another woman's bed, be it ex wife or whatever in order to determine whether his gf is the women he truely wants...I like Judge Judy's catch phrase. " If it dont make sense, it isn't true".