I just don't know what to do. I am so depressed. I need to get this out.

millyaulait

First of all I'm so sorry if this is in the wrong section, or if posts like this aren't allowed. I just don't know where to turn.

I am an un-medicated depressive.

Usually I am 'okay' but this past week has hit me really hard, and today is the worst yet.

I have been crying on and off all day and I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to and I don't know how to tackle this.

I just have this intense desire to go to sleep and never wake up. I know this sounds disgusting and I should be ashamed because so many people have so much worse lives than me, but I can't help it.

I have a boyfriend but he isn't very good at communicating with me, and he is sarky/cold when he isn't around. It's long-distance so we chat over the internet between visits every two weeks.

I tried to talk to him but he is probably either busy playing video games or is just plain sick of me.

I have no one to turn to now I can't talk to him. I just can't stop crying. I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to feel like this, it's just unbearable.

I am so lost and lonely. I don't know what exactly I am posting for. I am just that disorientated right now. Nowhere to go.

Xhale_2

Hi millyauliat,
You have done the first best thing:

you are saying it out loud how you feel.

I have felt like this and went to a walk in centre: it was at the weekend and it helped to say it to the doctor. If you can get to your own doctor in the morning the do. If you can't wait as I couldnt go to a walk in centre or better still call Samaritans they can help you as it feels as though you are making first steps in speaking out. x

Xhale_2

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90.

millyaulait

I know it's silly but I really feel like I can't go to a doctor. I feel so awful I don't think I'm going to be able to get out of bed tomorrow. I feel so pathetic.

I don't know about Samaritans, I think I would only just be able to sob over the phone to them. Sorry for blowing your suggestions away, I do appreciate your help

Blue_Elephant

Couldn't read and run. So sob over the phone at them. They won't mind, I promise.

If you're worried about the cost of an 0845 number, they'll call you back. you can email them too if you like, just copy and paste what you've written here.

If you're worried about not being important enough, well this is where that particular charity makes me cry every time. No one is not worthy enough of being helped.

Theres no shame in not being able to cope, it's not weak, and seeking help is the strongest thing you can do. You've made the most difficult step already. You can do it.

Xhale_2

if you even ring samaritans and cant talk because of cryingits ok thats how I was they wont put phone down and you will know someone is listening. please try them Milly x

millyaulait

Thanks so so much to both of you for taking the time out to help me. x

I will try and build up the courage to talk to the samaritans.

Xhale_2

You have done well tonight typing on here its a first step to feeling better. x

Remember there willbe lots of people here who have used the samaritans I have and they were great they dont expect anything but a person who is where they are at no judgement. Their volunteers do it because they care.

fionamay41

Please do try aand get to your gp, I found myself in the same position a few weeks ago, woke up to my debts, depression rubbish marriage and addiction to painkillers and just for extra measure I am also recovering from a routine operation.
Took a deep breath went to gp and blurted it all out amongst the tears, snot and sighing. Gp was fab really took his time with me, discussed various options and treatments. Three weeks on aim still depressed and in debt, but now I can cope better with things.
Please to get some help there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is not easy but gets easier.
Be strong x

lostinrates

millyaulait wrote: »

I know it's silly but I really feel like I can't go to a doctor. I feel so awful I don't think I'm going to be able to get out of bed tomorrow. I feel so pathetic.

I don't know about Samaritans, I think I would only just be able to sob over the phone to them. Sorry for blowing your suggestions away, I do appreciate your help

So sob, they won't mind.

But please consider seeing a doctor. I am latrophobic ( fear of doctors) and find it very hard to see a gp. Almost two weeks ago i had to see one in my home, and tomorrow i am having an mri, having seen a doctor in a hospital twice last week. If i can do it i know anybody can. I promise you as horrofic as goung to the Doctor when you cannot face it, whatever the health problem, not going can be worse. Your go will be able to get the ball rolling for help.

Xhale_2

You can email them at [EMAIL="jo@samaritans.org"]jo@samaritans.org[/EMAIL] sorry Milly if I am bombarding you. I have to go to bed soon and will be thinking ofyou feel free to PM me and I will check tomorrow,.