Real-life MMD: Should we pay more than a fair share of honeymoon cost?

jemmah1983

Tell the in laws that you can only afford what was agreed and no more. It means you can then assist in other parts of the weddings as arranged and the embarrassment is not yours. You don't want to let the couple down in other areas because your carrying the inlaws.
Let the inlaws tell the couple. The couple can then decide to take a cheaper honeymoon or pay the extra them selves.

2dachs

You really all need to sit down and discuss this all together, when did you originally say you'd pay 50/50 of the wedding cost? eg 1 year, 2 years ago?
Have your personal finances changed eg someone made redundant or one of you retired?

I got married to my hubby in 2004, i'm now 40 and hubby 43 and when we got married we paid for everything ourselves as my hubby's parents were both deceased and my parents retired our wedding cost around £6,500 at the time this included £645 photographer, wedding cake £150 from Cooplands from the non wedding section including cake stand, Wedding suits for Groom, Bestman and father of the bride for £90 from Greenwoods, American Pie Limousines for £360 for 4 hours hire, 24 carat Wedding rings £450, Church £240 for fees, Village Welfare pub hire £50, £150 food of which i spent all morning making sandwiches and sausage rolls for the buffet, my wedding dress cost £89 from ebay from a company of which was called GoBridal of which had gone bust, my 6 bridesmaids dresses,shoes,tiaras and dollybags,buttonholes,corsage i purchased from ebay of which cost around £350 and we had a honeymoon in Paris visiting its sights and staying close to the Disneyland Paris site for 7 nights flying with British Airways booked through Expedia of which cost around £1200 for both of us and we spent around £1500 on our honeymoon sightseeing and on food and presents while we were there, we had a budget to stick to as i was only working part-time as i'd recently being made redundant from my job a couple of months before the wedding and my hubby was a contractor at the time with his job.
We'd bought a house the year before and were still doing that up and we did ask guests to either get us Argos vouchers or cash, we did not think of it as rude or anything,there's the saying if you do not ask then you do not get, we did not want 3 toasters and 2 glass vases or anything like that.

How about asking them where they want to go on honeymoon and is there 2 or 3 destinations that maybe you could pick from for them as a surprise.

Or just simply bite the bullet and state that the destination they have picked is far too expensive for you to contribute to and that you can only afford say £500 instead of £750 that they were wanting {just an example}

Maybe they need to realise that there is always a premium to pay for weddings and that you can only put in to the pot what you can truly afford.

sixtynotout

I am incensed that any parent would expect to pay for their children's honeymoon. This was always the bridegroom's responsibility, or in these enlightened days probably both bride and groom. You wouldn't pay for them to go on holiday at any other time, would you? Also in these days, if earning, they should pay for the wedding themselves. All this saving for years to have the fairybook day is nonsense - if that is all you want it doesn't say much for the relationship. The best wedding I ever attended (not mine) was a group of a dozen or so in the registry office followed by a lovely meal in a restaurant and a house party in the evening. No "honeymoon". The couple were not short of cash but in love and wanted to marry there and then. Nearly 40 years on they are still married. I really don't understand all the hype these days - all it needs for a perfect day is a few close friends and perhaps a weekend break.

ronangel

The couple should tell their parents as they now cant afford to go away will be staying at parents house that did not want to pay for honeymoon. Better service than hotel and probably keep parents up with the noise night after night. Maybe parents will give in and pay or call bluff if unlucky. Worth a try.:j

ayayay

Easy, you pay for your son to go on an expensive honeymoon to somewhere like Mauritius, they pay for their daughter to go to Butlins

ronangel

ayayay wrote: »

Easy, you pay for your son to go on an expensive honeymoon to somewhere like Mauritius, they pay for their daughter to go to Butlins

They could then practice Tantric Sex over the telephone :cool:

sweetcheeks

I got married last year and my parents paid for our wedding, to which both my husband and i are incredibly grateful for. My in laws didn't offer or pay for anything.

We havn't been on honeymoon yet and our one year anniversary is next month, to which my husband and I have saved for ourselves.

As other posters have mentioned, when was the agreement made to pay 50/50 for the honeymoon? Have the in laws paid anything towards the actual wedding costs?

May be best to sit down with everyone and discuss whats best for everyone, and what people can afford, and then make decisions from that.

Augustus_the_Strong

I don't see why you (or the other parents) should be paying anything for the honeymoon at all. Your children are not babies, they're (presumably) responsible adults who are getting married. They should be paying for it themselves, and restrict their plans to what they can afford. You and the other parents can pay something towards the wedding itself - parents seem to wish to host the event as an opportunity to entertain their friends and show off, but you don't have to pay anything. I've been married twice and each time we paid for the event ourselves. The happy couple should be encouraged to cut their clothes to suit their cloth, not blow vast amounts of other people's money on a one-off occasion.

oldnewhand

It depends how this all came about. Several people have commented on how lucky the couple are to have parents paying for their honeymoon and I was in total agreement with them until I wondered whether the couple actually wanted this to happen. It does seem to me that often weddings loose focus on what the event is really about; the intention to commit a lifetime to each other rather than flashing the dosh to create an unforgetable day and impress everyone.
As so many others have said before the answer to most dilemmas is grown up honest dialogue.

snorfing_along

chinchin2010 wrote: »

They should pay for their own honeymoon & if they can't afford it they should either go without one or delay their marriage until they've save up enough. It is basically a holiday, after all.

We're constantly being told that us "baby boomers" have had it easy, but I don't know anyone of my generation that had their honeymoon paid for by their parents. Today's younger generation have been spoilt and expect too much. As as example, here's a few expressions that never existed in my day, because the phenonema they describe didn't exist either ;

1) The school run. We had to get ourselves to and from school without any help from our parents, and most did not have a car. I got myself to and from school unaccompanied from the age of five.

2) The bank of mum and dad. If we couldn't afford to get married or buy a house, we didn't.

3) Stag/hen weekend. If we wanted to celebrate, we went out to our local pub on the night before the wedding. We didn't go to Prague for an entire weekend (and if we had, we'd actually have paid for it ourselves - I know it's an outrageous idea).

I think this is a bit unfair as i am part of the younger generation and I have always walked to school from being about 7 years old, i have never used the bank of mum and dad to buy anything ( My husband and I saved up for our own deposit for our house and paid for our wedding ourselves), and if people want to have a stag and hen weekend it's their choice if they can afford it. One night could just be as expensive as a weekend away. As for the couple i think they should give only what they can comfortably afford and the bride and groom should decided how to use the money.