Real-life MMD: Should we pay more than a fair share of honeymoon cost?

julie777

................discussed their dilemma with the couple instead of expecting you to bail them out.

nhampson

Things have changed since "olden times". I remember when there was a budget and things were done within that. The wedding costs were split between the parents but we paid for our own honeymoon.

Perhaps we should focus on realistic rather than extravagent?

Voyager2002

What a strange situation!

By tradition, the bride's parents pay for the wedding, although such an arrangement is not appropriate for modern life and so the costs may be borne by the happy couple and/or both sets of parents. However, I have never heard of parents paying for the honeymoon: that is something for the couple to sort out for themselves. If the two sets of parents are paying for the wedding, that is already generous. If they are also helping with the cost of the honeymoon, that is more than generous. But there is no sense in being so generous that you feel resentful or suffer hardship. Above all, once the couple are dealing with housing costs and bills, they may regret money that has already gone on a lavish ceremony and holiday: perhaps that is the time to be generous.

chocaholicmanc

Perhaps I have misread this but nowhere does it say the children were expecting their parents to pay for the honeymoon so all these comments about them paying for themselves and implying they are ungrateful and/or greedy just seem a bit mean!

There are lots of potential issues here:

-Was the honeymoon a surprise gift from the parents? (unlikely)
-Has the honeymoon already been booked? (If so, as others have said, then a discussion is needed firstly between the two sets of parents as to exactly how much the in laws 'short fall' is; then a discussion including the children to see what their options are - amend booking, pay in money themselves, etc)
-If the honeymoon has not already been booked then expectations of the honeymoon can be reset and something booked within budget

As plenty of people have already said; everyone needs to sit down and have honest discussions about this.

Whilst it may be extremely generous of the parents to have offered to pay for the honeymoon, the children are not going to have allowed anything in their budget for this so it's hardly a case of them 'spending what they can't afford'! Lets be a bit less judgemental people!

cazpost

As always, the first thing to do is talk to everyone concerned.Who made the initial agreement and when? Has their situation changed that much that they can no longer afford what they agreed to pay? Do the children not have any money of their own? In which case why are you wasting money on a fancy wedding & honeymoon. Do they actually want or need a fancy wedding & honeymoon? How far off is the event ? Is it possible to change or alter arrangements that have already been made?
I know two families who have ended up in massive debt because of over-elaborate weddings.In one case the brides parents business went bankrupt the month before the wedding,leaving the grooms parents no choice but to foot the bill. In the second case,the parents took out a massive loan and second jobs to pay for the daughters marriage,which lasted 6 months when she ran off with the best man who she had been having an affair with for years!

smk77

I wonder whose idea it was to share the cost of the honeymoon? The Son's parents or the fiancee's parents? Perhaps the fiancee's parents were pressurised into it and gave in because they didn't want to be seen as the tight parents?

POPPYOSCAR

I do not really see the problem here.

It does not matter that they agreed to pay half. They are now saying they can not afford to do it. If you can afford to do it and want to then go ahead and pay the rest.

If not, the Happy Couple will have to choose somewhere cheaper or find the money themselves.

chinchin2010

They should pay for their own honeymoon & if they can't afford it they should either go without one or delay their marriage until they've save up enough. It is basically a holiday, after all.

We're constantly being told that us "baby boomers" have had it easy, but I don't know anyone of my generation that had their honeymoon paid for by their parents. Today's younger generation have been spoilt and expect too much. As as example, here's a few expressions that never existed in my day, because the phenonema they describe didn't exist either ;

1) The school run. We had to get ourselves to and from school without any help from our parents, and most did not have a car. I got myself to and from school unaccompanied from the age of five.

2) The bank of mum and dad. If we couldn't afford to get married or buy a house, we didn't.

3) Stag/hen weekend. If we wanted to celebrate, we went out to our local pub on the night before the wedding. We didn't go to Prague for an entire weekend (and if we had, we'd actually have paid for it ourselves - I know it's an outrageous idea).

smk77

chinchin2010 wrote: »

1) The school run. We had to get ourselves to and from school without any help from our parents, and most did not have a car. I got myself to and from school unaccompanied from the age of five.

I wouldn't dream of letting my 4 yr old son walk to his school on his own next year. It's just a short distance and it's a nice safe area. However, you just don't do that these days because of the safety issues. You've answered that by commenting on the fact that most people didn't have cars.

chinchin2010 wrote: »

2) The bank of mum and dad. If we couldn't afford to get married or buy a house, we didn't.

Weddings have increased in cost dramatically over the years. I bet a like for like wedding is now considerably more even taking into account inflation. We couldn't now get what we got for our money (even after inflation) just 7 years ago.

chinchin2010 wrote: »

3) Stag/hen weekend. If we wanted to celebrate, we went out to our local pub on the night before the wedding. We didn't go to Prague for an entire weekend (and if we had, we'd actually have paid for it ourselves - I know it's an outrageous idea).

Completely agree with this. It's unfair to expect others who may not have a huge amount of disposable income )either because they have a low paid job OR they have financial commitments beyond themselves - i.e. a family to support) to go to Prague for the weekend.

Fujiko

At what stage did the fiancee's parents know how much the honeymoon would cost? It would be very strange if their daughter had not given them some idea of what they had in mind, but quite frankly that is not your problem. If they agreed to pay half then what is what they should pay and you cannot be held responsible for what appears to be a lack of communication between parents and daughter - addded to which the daughter would surely be aware of what her parents could afford. Time for everyone to sit down and talk! I do not think you should have any qualms about "embarrassing" the other party since it is they who have caused the problem, not you, and the fact that you may be better off financially is irrelevant.