Real-life MMD: Should we pay more than a fair share of honeymoon cost?

SimonFin

TBagpuss wrote: »

Your son & his fianc!e are lucky to have parents who are giving such generous gifts. But it is a gift. There's no fixed amount or proportion *either* set of parents "should" pay.

Forget what your son's in-laws are giving. Decide for yourself what you can afford and are willing to give (either towards the honeymoon, or in total including other contributions to the wedding) and tell your son and his fianc!e how much you are giving. They can then decide whether they want to pay any shortfall themselves, or to have ashorter or less expensive honeymoon.

(oh, and do discourage them from asking wedding guests for money or to pay for their holiday- it comes over as really money-grabbing & greedy)

I`ve got to disagree with the last point. For my wedding my wife and I asked for money as we already had a fully furnished house and no need for any of the usual wedding gifts. When we got the money, we converted it into Euros and spent it on our honeymoon, and made sure that we knew what each persons money was spent on. So when we got back, we could send thank you notes with photographs of what we did with their gift - whether they paid for a gondola ride in venice, champagne at the top of the Eiffel tower or a lovely drink at a cafe. Everyone really appreciated that we`d put the effort in to remember who had given us what and what we had spent on it.

And in terms of memories for my wife and I - we`ll always remember the things we did on the honey moon, but a carving plate or toaster would never have been used, and would have been a waste of the buyers money.

SimonFin

MSE_Debs wrote: »

Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay more than a fair share of honeymoon cost?

We agreed to split the cost of our son's honeymoon 50/50 with his fiancee's parents, but they've now said they can't afford it and suggested we "all just put in what we can afford" - ie, my husband and I pay the majority. Technically, we can afford to pay more, but it would mean not helping with other parts of the wedding, which would be hard to explain without embarrassing her parents. Should we cough up or risk our children's disappointment?


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Pay what you can afford. My wife and I were very lucky that her parents inherited a lot of money and offered to pay for our wedding, whatever we wanted. The entire thing cost £8,500, and that included a honeymoon to Paris and Venice for 10 days. The total cost for the wedding was about £4,500 all in, and for that we provided wine, beer and cava for everyone, as well as food, and people still compliment us on the wedding. It was much more memorable than any of my friends hotel weddings where all the photos have got magnolia walls and without the bride and groom you`d never know whose wedding it was. Our wedding was in a palm house with all kind of animals for people to see, beautiful photo opportunities etc and it cost less than some people spend on a dress :-)

Aldahbra

TBagpuss wrote: »

Your son & his fiancee are lucky to have parents who are giving such generous gifts. But it is a gift. There's no fixed amount or proportion *either* set of parents "should" pay.

Forget what your son's in-laws are giving. Decide for yourself what you can afford and are willing to give (either towards the honeymoon, or in total including other contributions to the wedding) and tell your son and his fiancee how much you are giving. They can then decide whether they want to pay any shortfall themselves, or to have a shorter or less expensive honeymoon.

I couldn't agree more!!

You need to decide how much you want/can afford to pay towards the wedding and honeymoon.

Then talk to Son, his fiancee, and her parents. Inform them that this is how much you will contribute in total. The wedding and honeymoon should be tailored to fit the combined budget that all of you agree on. The couple can decide on what needs to be cut back on, or how they are going to make up the funding shortfall. Weddings can easily get out of hand and both sets of parents should not have to fund, what is essentially excess.

But it might be your duty as a parent to remind the couple that A wedding is only one day after all. What really matters is that they love each other and they should not start their married life in debt just to fund one day and a holiday.

scoobydoobydoo

I dont understand why anyone is contributing. Traditionally the groom pays for the honeymoon and if the trip they want is more than they can afford then they go somewhere cheaper and save up to go another time. I had a weekend at a friends pub for a honeymoon and we are saving up for our trip of a lifetime in a few years. Yes it would have been nice to have it after the wedding but we accepted it wasnt possible.

Explain to your son and his fiancee that you will both be putting in X amount to their wedding fund and what they do with it is up to them. Include the amount you planned to spend on other areas of the wedding too. If they want a flash honeymoon they can have a smaller wedding, or vice versa.

They want to get married, they should pony up too!

Girly_Girl

I understand that if both sets of parents had said they would pay for X honeymoon, it would be a disappointment if they couldn't go (not in a brattish way, just human nature). However, her parents did the right thing in not going into debt for this, but it's a bit cheeky to suggest they just pay "what they can afford" to a fixed amount honeymoon. I'm sure the couple will understand that her parents have had a change in financial circumstances and they will need to scale back their honeymoon plans...

happyinflorida

why are you even asking this?! if you can't afford to pay any more then you should have said that at the time - now say it to them now before you land yourselves any further in the mire!

Cimscate

TBagpuss wrote: »

(oh, and do discourage them from asking wedding guests for money or to pay for their holiday- it comes over as really money-grabbing & greedy)

Really don't agree with this, most of my nieces have set up home before getting married so don't need loads of stuff, I was happy to contribute to their honeymoon as a gift they would enjoy

scoobydoobydoo

It also depends why the parents now cant afford it. If its because the fiancee suddenly wanted a £1000 dress when her parents had agreed to buy a £500 one, or doubled the guest list for the meal her parents had agreed to pay for then I would not be happy at the expectation of still stumping up the agreed amount for the honeymoon.

milvusvestal

Key to your dilemma is knowing what the total outlay will be, and you haven't said what this is.

Irrespective of how devoted and sincere newlyweds may appear, there are too many seperations and divorces to justify spending any more than £5,000 on a wedding and, if the couple themselves think that's not enough, then they should contribute beforehand. Expensive limousines, lavish settings for the reception and exotic honeymoons (so often done purely for show) are things that could easily become wasted money, and the occasion of marriage itself becomes trivialized.

Your son's prospective in-laws have had years to plan and save for their daughter's wedding, so either they cough up as agreed, or you all prune the expense. A modest church, privately made wedding dress, plastic flowers, etc can still make the occasion something to remember.

tallgirld

I would stick to the original plan of contributing 50%.

Let them put what they can afford and your son and his wife to be can pay the difference.

That's not embarassing anyone. It's keeping it real!!!!