Real-life MMD: Should we pay more than a fair share of honeymoon cost?

linux_geek

Speaking as someone who paid for 100% of their wedding from saving and sticking to a budget this seems alien to me

Just tell them you will match them as agreed so the couple will get a just get lower amount towards their Honeymoon if they want more then will need to put up the remainder

They should not be freeloading from the bank of mum and dad anyway

missrlr

If you are happy to still pay the 50% then do so and if you cannot then don't but TELL all parties concerned, time for an open and honest one - there is x amount available, from each party. No need to explain why and how, that is the fact.

BNT

Are the bride's family hosting the wedding? If so, they will likely have significantly more costs than the groom and his family. If they are, then it is usual that the groom (or his parents) will pay for the honeymoon.

These days, those traditions are often inappropriate and not followed. If that's the case, I agree with the idea that the couple should look at a more affordable honeymoon.

Certainly, you should all discuss it. The honeymoon is only one part of the wedding and if paying more for it means spending less than planned on other parts of the wedding, then the couple and the bride's parents should be part of that decision. In the current economic climate, it is not hard to see how someone might not be able to afford what he originally committed to and discussing all the costs now might save further embarrassment later.

ivor888

What I would be more concerned about is when this change in what they could pay was communicated. If it was after everything was booked & paid for then there would be little sympathy & they would need to discuss why they were letting them down with the couple themselves.
We paid for almost all of our own wedding & it wasn't cheap but my mother contributed some bits and we were promised a set amount (a few hundred) from my wife's parents.
We had taken a small loan to cover the honeymoon only & thought that allowing for the contributions from both parents we had covered everything else. My wife's parents then decided at the very last minute to tell us they couldn't afford what they had commited to. This put us in an awkward place of hastily re-arranging payments at the last minute to find someone we could pay on credit card.
If they had told us they couldn't afford it at the start there would have been no problem but right at the last minute left us scrambling around to avoid things being cancelled or our credit rating being hit with not making regular payments elsewhere.
This has become an ongoing issue with them in that any gift for us or our daughter has to be believed only when it is seen, very awkward when dealing with a young child.
I would normally avoid seeming so ungrateful & I had to bite my lip at the time but if it is last minute then I think you are allowed to feel a bit upset & communicate that fact if it leaves the happy couple with a big headache at a time that is hard enough to organise anyway.

sooty&sweep

Hi

A budget should be agreed for the wedding & honeymoon based on what everyone is contributing and plans made based on that budget.
Personally I would be mortified if my parents were asked to contribute more than they could afford or were happy to give just so I could go on a more expensive holiday. I know your honeymoon is special but the price you pay for it isn't what makes it special !

druss_the_axeman

They are simply pulling a fast one, I bet the're the sort of people who drop a house price offer the day before exchanging as well.

Having said that it's your decision, do you put up with paying more knowing that they will always think they got the better of you, and indeed might try it again later on, paying for everything grandkids "need" etc. Or do you take a stand now and just say you'll pay what you'd agreed to pay and nothing more. Personally I think the second option makes it clear that you're not going to let them push you around financially.

D

wsjmk04

How about asking the couple where they would honeymoon if they had to pay for it themselves ? Then you know what to pay half of .

nczm

Don't go over your 50%, we're money savers and you should not give more than you can afford.
Speak to the happy couple and find out what they want to do (change holiday etc), give what you can give.
The suggestion for them to get friends and family to contribute to the honeymoon fund instead of gifts is a great idea assuming they've not already sent out a wedding list (after all the list is usually luxury items, most people living together have everything they need!)

onesixfive

Everybody only has so much money - deciding where their priorities lie must be with the bride & groom.
Pool all available monies - decide what exactly they want for their big day & set monies aside, then (if there is anything leftover) tailor their honeymoon to whatever is left in the pot.
This will be a good budgeting, & learning, exercise for the newlyweds:
You cant always have everything you want.
You all have to work together to the achieve the best result.
I wish them luck - our families had enough for the wedding, but I had to wait a year until my husband & I had enough for my honeymoon - but we have been married over 30 years.

Greenfly_3

Personally, I think that now the girl's parents have, responsibly, indicated their position that the family group should sit down and discuss the whole wedding budget. It clears the air, hopefully, and the "children" should be mature enough to understand that it's the marriage which is important. The celebration, ie honeymoon, can be carried out in many non-extravagent ways.

Expensive weddings/honeymoon do not guarantee a successful marriage, but shared experiences and problems can increase the chance of success. Hopefully all concerned are mature enough to accept that, in today's financial climate, sometimes compromise / cutbacks cannot be helped.