Viewing deceased 20 days after death??

j.e.j.

such a sad thread, I have not looked at all the posts so sorry if I am repeating something that's been said already.

Could the man possibly be persuaded or convinced that it won't be her he is seeing, - his wife has gone, she has left, and the body is just the shell that she's no longer inhabiting. It'll be her (sorry to be so blunt but) decomposing body that he sees, not her. I am afraid that if he goes now he will be traumatised.

aliasojo

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Although I have viewed relatives after death I've never been to a funeral with an open coffin. I really didn't think open coffins happened here.

Open coffins certainly were/are the norm in my family's funerals (Edinburgh).

The usual thing was to file past the coffin (which was in a small room adjoining the main area) to pay your last respects before taking your seat for the service.

I clearly remember hearing the coffin lid being screwed on during a pause when a hymn ended and the minister hadn't started speaking.

After seeing my Dad in his coffin, I refused to see any other relative this way.

FatVonD

It's so nice hear you (TQ and Person 1) talking so respectfully of the dead. I have a friend who is an embalmer and she is equally so. We all laughed when she started training imagining them all wearing her black eyeliner but she's lovely with them and chats away to them while she's embalming them.

londonsurrey

Back to the OP, it depends on his actual experience. If he's good old fashioned working class, he might remember days when the deceased was washed and had orifices plugged on the kitchen table. It was the decent thing to do.

This idea of being tended on by family is a widespread one, and there's a religion where it says that family has to be present. It's interesting to see that one modern day execution of this practice is to have the deceased washed and prepped by mortuary staff whilst the family watch from behind a large glass screen!

lollipopsarah

What a sad thread I'm too sad to give any advise for this poor man he will be haunted either way.
I viewed both of my parents (never occurred not to) and am still haunted but glad I aid my goodbyes, so I can fully understand.
My only advise would be as suggested could you maybe ask the funeral director for advise, they are usually very discreet and could perhaps sit in with your man if it helps.
Thankyou for being there, I hope you both finds some peace soon.
x

aliasojo

Can I ask, why lines would remain in any instance? Why wouldn't everything just be removed?

From TQ's link....

If lines are to remain, cut and spigot off any large-bore tubes and cover with gauze and adhesive dressing (Fig 6). Ensure that documentation alerts mortuary staff to their presence.

charlies-aunt

Person_one wrote: »

Its been the standard at the two NHS hospitals I've worked in so far, different trusts. I don't think its the exception at all:
http://www.nursingtimes.net/nursing-practice/clinical-specialisms/end-of-life-and-palliative-care/carrying-out-last-offices-part-1-preparing-for-the-procedure/1852558.article

http://www.nursingtimes.net/nursing-practice/clinical-specialisms/end-of-life-and-palliative-care/carrying-out-last-offices-part-2-preparation-of-the-body/1872056.article

With all due respect to your husband, does he realise that by the time a body has been on the ward for several hours for the family's benefit and then in the mortuary for a time there will likely be unavoidable leaking of body fluids and oozing from orifices and wounds (that's why we dress wounds, pack nostrils, put incontinence pads on etc.) and thats what he's seeing, rather than neglect by the hospital staff?

Yes - he is an experienced and time served mortician. No offence intended to all of the caring and hard working hospital nursing staff - just telling it from the other end.

Its very sad, although there are many dedicated, caring and conscientious professionals that take time and effort to do the last offices - as a "funeral services professional", he is on the receiving end of individuals leaving hospital care - he deals with 600+ every year and he routinely removes catheters, IV lines, breathing tubes, drains and sutures incisions and dresses wounds because these offices are not done prior to the body being received.

nuttyrockeress

I lost my dad to cancer Boxing Day 2005.

Mum and I were with him when he passed away. I also went to see him the following day to collect some items from the hospice. I remember him being cold and looking like he had through his illness.

With the death being during the festive season there was a backlog for the funeral which was on 6th January 11 days after his death.

I took mum to see dad's body and we took some bits with us to bury with him.

When I walked in, the body really didn't look like him in my eyes. Of course, I knew it was dad but I could see that it didn't look as I remembered.

Seeing him like that helped me get through the funeral as I almost refused to believe that it was my dad in that coffin. It was like he'd already left us and we were going through the neccessary routines.

I managed to stand and read a poem to over 300 mourners as to me it felt more like a farewell than sending his body to be burned.

Sorry to sound blunt at that but I still remember nearly 7 years later the hearse reversing up the road, the dog at the window turning his back and me thinking at the time - that's not dad, it's just a shell.

Torry_Quine

aliasojo wrote: »

Can I ask, why lines would remain in any instance? Why wouldn't everything just be removed?

From TQ's link....

If lines are to remain, cut and spigot off any large-bore tubes and cover with gauze and adhesive dressing (Fig 6). Ensure that documentation alerts mortuary staff to their presence.

It's not my quote but Person_one although I agree. It wouldn't happen routinely only in those cases which are going to a coroner as they have to see the body exactly as it was at death. For those going to an undertaker all the lines etc will be removed.

aliasojo

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It's not my quote but Person_one although I agree. It wouldn't happen routinely only in those cases which are going to a coroner as they have to see the body exactly as it was at death. For those going to an undertaker all the lines etc will be removed.

Oops, sorry TQ, got a bit mixed up there.

Thanks for the reply anyway.