Viewing deceased 20 days after death??

gravitytolls

pulliptears wrote: »

I saw my Dad only a few days after he'd died. Mum stayed, I walked out. The person in that room wasn't my Dad. His face seemed droopy and his mouth seemed odd to me. The whole thing just unsettled me and stayed with me to this day.
The thing that stuck with me the most was the overbearing floral smell in the room.

I don't think I'd ever view a body again, I prefer to remember them as a living person.

Mmm, same with me and my GP's. I went with Grandad to see Nanny, and I went to see Grandad because his death was sudden and unexpected, and I'd not seen him before he died. But they weren't there, it wasn't my beloved nanny and grandad, it might as well have been strangers with a vague resemblance to someone I once knew.

mum2one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Although I have viewed relatives after death I've never been to a funeral with an open coffin. I really didn't think open coffins happened here.



Before being wrapped in a sheet last offices are performed as described by Person_one. At least they always are at my local NHS hospital and I would be shocked if different elsewhere. I always considered it a great privelege as it is the last thing you can do for someone and I always washed them as carefully as before death and even spoke to them.:o Are you really saying that this doesn't happen and after death nothing is done, surely they often need at least cleaned before the relatives see them in hospital.

It was one of the first things I was taught when I started work

My mum use to work in a care home, and she said a few times when a resident passed away, they would wash them, and she always talked to them as thou they were still there with her

I was only 18 when my nan passed away, she had a heart attack, and I went to the FD to say goodbye to her, bit stupid going by myself, but it didn't feel like my nan there, her face was etched with pain, (we were told by the home that she wouldn't felt anything), but it was an experience I don't think I could go through again.

rollnchips

poet123 wrote: »

Don't you think a lot of older people in particular want that though?

Only the other day I was speaking to an elderly neighbour and we got onto the subject of funerals. She said her most worrying thought was that when she died they would not put her teeth back in and apply some make up to make her look more recognisable. She has given her niece instructions to make sure these things happened before she was viewed. My mother voiced similar thoughts before she died.

I don't know of any older people or anyone bar those that are catholic viewing the deceased in such a manner where they would feel the need to hide the effects of decomposition ie identifying the body.

Maybe it's more of a religious thing, we are without religion and favour cremetation . I see it as disrespectful to preserve a relative for purely selfish reasons. Had an ask around earlier and everyone else agreed that they would not want to be preserved unless it was for medical reasons or have a viewing or open coffin.

Strapped

londonsurrey wrote: »

Back to the OP, it depends on his actual experience. If he's good old fashioned working class, he might remember days when the deceased was washed and had orifices plugged on the kitchen table. It was the decent thing to do.

This idea of being tended on by family is a widespread one, and there's a religion where it says that family has to be present. It's interesting to see that one modern day execution of this practice is to have the deceased washed and prepped by mortuary staff whilst the family watch from behind a large glass screen!

There is much more of a tradition on the continent of caring for the deceased at home than over here. My OH's body was laid in his coffin on his bed at his parents until the funeral and it seemed much nicer than having "him" shut in a fridge at a funeral directors, but each to their own. I'm sure some people would absolutely shudder at the thought.

freyasmum

My granny died in October. She had lived with my parents before she died - their whole married life actually - with my mum looking after her, feeding her and caring for her in her later years.

To my mum it was more disrespectful to have her removed to a funeral home just because she was no longer here. So, we had the FD bring the coffin and whatever else home, and my granny stayed with us for almost a week until the night before her funeral. That was the first available time, else it would've been earlier.

It helped my mum cope to still have her at home. The rest of the family were here and some didn't want to see her body, that was perfectly fine it's their choice. My Aunt sat on the floor, right inside the room so she didn't have to see anything. A few cousins wouldn't even go near the room. Others went in, held her hand, caressed her cheek, placed a picture or a little written note inside for her. I didn't want to see her, but my mum was adamant that I did. She even had my daughter up to see her.

Everyone is different.


With regards to appearance, she died around 5 in the morning and I saw her within the hour. Her wrinkles appeared to leave her face and her hair darkened slightly around the sides of her face, like she was at peace with no pain. One thing that surprised me was how quickly the rigor mortis set in. And the 'death rattle' that was there before she died was unsettling.

shellsuit

My Nan died in April.

Mum and Aunty were given her teeth, glasses, rosary beads (which were in her hands) and shoes back by the funeral directors, as she couldn't have them on her person for the cremation.

I'd been to see Nan in the FD's and was upset (as we all were) that she wouldn't actually be 'going', and looking as we all thought she would.

System

And the 'death rattle' that was there before she died was unsettling.

Yes i witnessed that as i was present at the time of my Fathers death. It was a lot for 17 year old to understand let alone take in.

[Deleted User]

freyasmum wrote: »

It helped my mum cope to still have her at home. The rest of the family were here and some didn't want to see her body, that was perfectly fine it's their choice. My Aunt sat on the floor, right inside the room so she didn't have to see anything. A few cousins wouldn't even go near the room. Others went in, held her hand, caressed her cheek, placed a picture or a little written note inside for her. I didn't want to see her, but my mum was adamant that I did. She even had my daughter up to see her.

Everyone is different.

I have to say I am surprised that anyone would be persuaded to visit a deceased person against their will, let alone that persons child. If the said person is struggling to cope, how would they be expect to support their young child through it. :eek:

sassyblue

rollnchips wrote: »

Can you not see that some people are against artificially preserving a body and not just allowing the dead to rest in peace without being tarted up for supposedly their relatives and friends to hide the reality of decomposition?

Can you stop saying 'tarted up' its a ridiculous thing to say about a dead body. When my nan died my mum and her sisters washed her down and put a clean nightdress on for her and did her hair, their reasoning was that nan was a smart, clean lady and should be the same in death.

Its all about the respect you have for your loved ones and how they would wish to be prepared.

poet123

rollnchips wrote: »

I don't know of any older people or anyone bar those that are catholic viewing the deceased in such a manner where they would feel the need to hide the effects of decomposition ie identifying the body.

Maybe it's more of a religious thing, we are without religion and favour cremetation . I see it as disrespectful to preserve a relative for purely selfish reasons. Had an ask around earlier and everyone else agreed that they would not want to be preserved unless it was for medical reasons or have a viewing or open coffin.

That is the exact reason most people want to look as they did in life if at all possible. It is the very opposite to disrespectful to prepare a body in that way, it the final act of love or care that can be done for someone.