Viewing deceased 20 days after death??

PasturesNew

I wanted to see my dad, but I couldn't because I was looking after my mum and there was 1001 things to be done... including not leaving her alone. If somebody wants to see the dead person, they should, else it'll be something they didn't have closure over.

Dunroamin

pulliptears wrote: »

I saw my Dad only a few days after he'd died. Mum stayed, I walked out. The person in that room wasn't my Dad. His face seemed droopy and his mouth seemed odd to me. The whole thing just unsettled me and stayed with me to this day.
The thing that stuck with me the most was the overbearing floral smell in the room.

I don't think I'd ever view a body again, I prefer to remember them as a living person.

That was my experience as well, although the effect it had on me was to be reassured that my mum wasn't there and that I was just looking at her body.

amus

Approximate timeline

• 2–3 days: Discoloration appears on the skin of the abdomen. The abdomen begins to swell, due to gas formation.
• 3–4 days: The discoloration spreads and discolored veins become visible.
• 5–6 days: The abdomen swells noticeably, and the skin blisters.
• 2 weeks: The abdomen is bloated; internal gas pressure nears maximum capacity.
• 3 weeks: Tissues have softened. Organs and cavities are bursting. The nails fall off.
• 4 weeks: Soft tissues begin to liquefy, and the face becomes unrecognizable.

The exact rate of putrefaction is dependent upon many factors, such as weather, exposure and location. Thus, refrigeration at a morgue or funeral home can retard the process, allowing for burial in three days or so following death without embalming. The rate increases dramatically in tropical climates.

Just found this ^^^^.

As other have said it is probably best he asks the funeral director exactly what he is going to see, however the above would give a general idea.

loulou123

I work in a care home and unfortunately have to deal with death quite often. Although obviously much sooner after the death.
Most of the deceased I've seen do look different virtually straight away - waxy skin, gaping mouth etc, occasionally they look like they are asleep, but its not often.

Some of them do look partically bad and become swollen and discoloured very quickly.

My grandad died when I was 16 and all my family went to view him, but I didn't want to, but I really struggled to accept he was gone (as it was very sudden) and I now feel it would've helped the healing if I had gone with them to view him one last time.

Peoples coping mechanisms are very different at times like this, and if the elderly man 'feels' this is the right way to go about things he should do it in my opinion.

Could you not call the undertakers and ask if they can explain to him, how 'bad' it might be, before he views his wife - I know its a delicate situation to involve yourself in though.

londonsurrey

patchwork_cat wrote: »

Londonsurrey what do you do?

As little as possible

pulliptears

Dunroamin wrote: »

That was my experience as well, although the effect it had on me was to be reassured that my mum wasn't there and that I was just looking at her body.

The thing is, I'd seen him when he died, I was with him holding his hand. Within minutes of him going he did look different. i can't explain why but his face was just not Dad. He'd been terminally ill for a while so he had changed dramatically anyway but there was still a difference.

When I took Mum to the funeral home to see him it was probably 2 days later and at that point he was different again.

I don't think I'd go and see Mum when she passes based on that.

DVardysShadow

londonsurrey wrote: »

As little as possible

Reading between the lines, I am mentally adding that you spend time with the dead in order to look busy.

londonsurrey

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Reading between the lines, I am mentally adding that you spend time with the dead in order to look busy.

Well, there is a logic there, as I suppose that the most mobile person in a room would achieve that effect.

Professionally, I'm a programmer, if that was the question.

whitewing

Does he actually want to see her, or does he want to be in the room with her coffin to maybe have a chat with her and pay his respects privately, but just be sure that it is actually her in the coffin?

jetplane

londonsurrey wrote: »

I'm going to be straight here, so if you don't want to know, or are squeamish, please don't read on.

Thank you, as much as people might say you can't stop him, or he has a right, or something has to be done to cover the horror, I would think that if a funeral director has strongly advised him not to go then it is going to be more than just your dead person doesn't look right scenario.

My uncle was killed in a terrible accident and we were forbidden to see him, including his wife, we were told (and I was an adult) that we had no choice. The only person who saw him was the one who identified him and he had nightmares for years.

Is there no one to sit down with this man and explain why he has to remember his wife the way she was? If not and he is fully informed then he has to live with the choice, unfortunately.

There are many reasons why people cannot view the body to say a final goodbye to their loved ones. Death is never pretty but sometimes it is horrific.