Preparedness for when

jk0

Mojisola wrote: »

Another scenario is for an inadequate man/woman to deliberately look for a partner who is vulnerable in some way so that she/he can be controlled/dominated/abused but not be strong enough to break away.

My own mother is like this. Why on earth she married my father, I'll never understand. She left him at my suggestion when I was ten, and was quite self reliant for a few years, before marrying my stepfather when I was 13.

Mum reverted into the feeble little doe that she was in her first marriage, and only got rid of no. 2 after a further 21 years.

jk0

jk0 wrote: »

Just watching this latest documentary mentioned on PP.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5UyynjxAyw

Very interesting so far.

Also, did anyone look at the 7/7 analysis?
7/7 Ripple Effect 2


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwyzpzEgUWE

Another two hours I'm afraid, but interesting also.

armyknife

jk0 wrote: »

Also, did anyone look at the 7/7 analysis?
7/7 Ripple Effect 2


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwyzpzEgUWE

Another two hours I'm afraid, but interesting also.

Life is increasingly Way Too Short for that.



Instead why not just spend 5 minutes enjoying this:

ELO - Mr. Blue Sky (official video - 2012 version)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhFy4qZ0ah8

fuddle

Behaviour is learned from experience too. What youngsters see from parents can very well shape the way in which they behave as they age. What is wrong, right or indeed the norm can be skewed.

Some may pick up their hand, others may cower. My thinking is that those experiences really aren't sex specific and neither are the behaviours learned.

moneyistooshorttomention

I think there must often be a distinct element of learned behaviour when it comes to whether someone beats up their partner on the one hand or puts up with a partner beating them on the other hand.

I think a lot of us expect what we've seen as we grow up - be that good or bad - and that is how we think Life Is.

Knowing my father - I'm quite sure that part of the reason I have always been aware of his attitude to his wife (my mother) being that he expected to treat her with respect/be generous to her/be faithful to her was done for two reasons:

a. He thought it was right to treat her that way

b. He expected my brother and I to take note that that is how things should be and was deliberately setting an example for us to absorb. His idea of parenting boiled down very much to "Set your children a good example and, hopefully, they'll turn out alright".

Hence I've grown up knowing that I am entitled to expect any man to treat ME with respect/be generous to me/be faithful to me and, if he didn't do so, then he obviously wasn't right for me and I'd chuck him and say "Next please...." unless and until such time as I got the same treatment from a man (plus all the love and compatibility necessary for a marriage).

If my father had been a Right B**** then I would probably have thought "That's just how men are" and not expected any better for myself.

*************

In reverse - I've watched people who had parents that left me feeling rather uneasy - and then seen them go on to pick partners who treated them just as badly as I expected from what I'd seen of their parents.

grandma247

Other people can have a positive influence on a child who lives in an abusive environment. If they have enough of this kind of good influence they will grow up understanding that things can be changed and they do not need to repeat the cycle in their own lives.

moneyistooshorttomention

grandma247 wrote: »

Other people can have a positive influence on a child who lives in an abusive environment. If they have enough of this kind of good influence they will grow up understanding that things can be changed and they do not need to repeat the cycle in their own lives.

Indeed so:T

Parents are the most obvious "influencers". But sometimes it has to be someone else - eg grandparents or dedicated teachers or the like.

fuddle

Absolutely. Sometimes it can go complete full circle to the original argument and actually be the spouse that can positively influence someone who has seen domestic abuse as a child.

Just because a person has seen doesn't make them follow suit, but there's a certain amount of character traits that can be identified towards what has been difficult situations. My argument simply was that these experiences are not gender specific and gender, in my view, has nothing to do with who is the abuser and who is the abused.

pineapple

Bedsit_Bob wrote: »

Those of us, who have known an abused man, have no difficulty believing it.

My Dad was a victim - of mental abuse from my mother. But it was me who copped for both the physical and the mental side. I never forgot the time he stood by and let me get thrashed for something he had broken.

Frugalsod

Yes domestic violence is a SHTF moment for male and female victims. Male victims have been about for more than 20 years. The police would ask the man to leave even if he were the victim refusing to believe him.

I agree with everything that you all have posted. It is a hard thing to prep for though I guess a bug out bag would be helpful.