Preparedness for when

[Deleted User]

Howling wind and rain, up here, atm.

GreyQueen

Bedsit_Bob wrote: »

Howling wind and rain, up here, atm.

Light drizzle here and no howling other than the neighbours.

We've had an eventful few hours with the Police constantly in and out of the block since about 11 pm last night. Tally thus far (and this is just what I know about); guy threatening to kill his missus, another guy (drugs?) being carted out in cuffs, a burglary (drug-related) and a pair of junkies caught shooting up on the stairs. All in about 15 hours.

Was joking with SuperGran that the Polis oughta save themselves some time and shoe leather by just parking down here and waiting for the next incident. The good thing is, if we call, they tend to come mob-handed and at least four at a time.

calicocat

GreyQueen wrote: »

Light drizzle here and no howling other than the neighbours.

We've had an eventful few hours with the Police constantly in and out of the block since about 11 pm last night. Tally thus far (and this is just what I know about); guy threatening to kill his missus, another guy (drugs?) being carted out in cuffs, a burglary (drug-related) and a pair of junkies caught shooting up on the stairs. All in about 15 hours.

Was joking with SuperGran that the Polis oughta save themselves some time and shoe leather by just parking down here and waiting for the next incident. The good thing is, if we call, they tend to come mob-handed and at least four at a time.

:eek: :eek:

. You are in the Bronx right...?

Not that mine was as wild as that, but when I lived in a flat (block of 6 of them), I quite liked all the tooing and frowing and madness at times. I can remember some guys who had been back at one of the girls flats, off their heads, went outside and decided to have a war with eachother using the wheelybins as weapons...:D. Which was funny, up until one flew into my car. At this point I felt the need to intervene and voice my thoughts..

Frugalsod

GreyQueen wrote: »

Light drizzle here and no howling other than the neighbours.

We've had an eventful few hours with the Police constantly in and out of the block since about 11 pm last night. Tally thus far (and this is just what I know about); guy threatening to kill his missus, another guy (drugs?) being carted out in cuffs, a burglary (drug-related) and a pair of junkies caught shooting up on the stairs. All in about 15 hours.

Was joking with SuperGran that the Polis oughta save themselves some time and shoe leather by just parking down here and waiting for the next incident. The good thing is, if we call, they tend to come mob-handed and at least four at a time.

Having lived in similar conditions it sounds a lot worse than it really is. The junkies are friendly and though I would not necessarily trust them they are usually going through a number of problems that are not being properly addressed by social services or the housing departments.

The domestic violence is a problem that women seem to seriously underestimate. I think that there one woman every week dies in this country from domestic violence. In the US it is even worse. There is a Woman's law centre in Maryland that has engraved brick for every client that has died while trying to get help. That wall is pretty large now.

[Deleted User]

That's a rather sweeping statement FRUGAL, women don't underestimate domestic violence, we are all too aware of it and while some of us are lucky enough to have kind, gentle and wonderful men in our lives many too many of us don't! It must be unimaginable to have someone you love and depend on turn on you with violence, it must be such a conflict of emotions to love someone who continually hurts you both physically and emotionally and should there be children involved too it must be terrifyingly stressful every second you are alive. I think that men who are violent dominate those they abuse to such a degree that they are under complete control and don't have the option to escape from it, brainwashed is how I'd describe it. If you ARE in that situation I'd think you were all too horribly aware that help is far, far away when you need it and that death was a distinct possibility should you not comply with your violent partner/husbands demands. We know about it alright!!!

Frugalsod

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

That's a rather sweeping statement FRUGAL, women don't underestimate domestic violence, we are all too aware of it and while some of us are lucky enough to have kind, gentle and wonderful men in our lives many too many of us don't!

Well more women die at the hands of a partner than from terrorism. My own cousin was killed by her partner. I think the figure for the UK is about 50 a year. As for being underestimated it does depend where you are. So people are panicking over terrorism when there is a far bigger killer already in the country. It is only my contact through past victims that make me think it has been under reported. None of the cases I came across were ever reported. It should be treated as more serious by the police but I suspect that there is a cultural problem in the police in not treating it as a potential precursor to a more serious incident.

I think the police are handling it better than before but still some improvements can be made to eliminate the deaths from partners.

[Deleted User]

I so agree that so much more could, can and MUST be done to stop this insidious violence in homes and relationships everywhere, I'm so very sorry that your cousin was a victim of domestic violence, that must be a life changing experience for you.

moneyistooshorttomention

My sympathies Frugalsod re what happened to your cousin.

I guess people don't concern themselves so much with things that they know wouldn't happen to them. We all know that impersonal things like terrorism could "happen to us". But we all know also that things like being a battered wife wouldn't happen to us - unless it does iyswim.

I think we all feel "in control" of whether we come on the receiving end of something like that - unless it does happen to us, despite the best will in the world.

Diffficult...difficult. I guess part of our "protection" from anything like that is our absolute confidence we wouldn't be in such a situation and I tend to think that possibly that confidence is possibly a helpful thing - ie as we realise instantly how unusual/unexpected/not something due to happen to us if anything like that starts. That "confidence" is probably what ensures that more of us don't come on the receiving end of this iyswim???

I'm speculating that my own confidence that I'll never be in that situation is a large part of the reason why I never have been iyswim?? A boyfriend hit me once. Five minutes later I had picked up my handbag and gone and never saw him again - as I was so confident that that sort of thing didn't happen to me and that "I don't live in a world where this sort of thing happens to me". If I'd felt less confident - then maybe I would have stayed put/told myself it must be "my fault" and given him another chance? That was the thing though - ie the second he had hit me my mind instantly flagged up "This is not NORMAL - and I don't do 'not normal' ".

[Deleted User]

Frugalsod wrote: »

The domestic violence is a problem that women seem to seriously underestimate.

Men are victims too you know.

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

I think that men who are violent dominate those they abuse to such a degree that they are under complete control and don't have the option to escape from it

Likewise, male victims often feel ashamed, meaning they often keep quiet, for fear of being seen as weak, or less of a man.

If you ARE in that situation I'd think you were all too horribly aware that help is far, far away when you need it

If you are a man, who is a victim of DV, help is all but non-existent. There are very few refuges for men.

Where does a male victim go?

GreyQueen

Frugalsod, I am very sorry to hear what happened to your cousin.

I have lost count of the number of times, over the years, that I have called the Police out to domestic violence incidents. Sometimes neighbours in the block, sometimes strangers out on the street outside. It's unending.

The Police always attend in a mad rush, but it can be a frustrating matter talking to a woman with a fresh facial contusion in a busted-up flat who is insisting nothing happened and she walked into the door. Police can and will take a woman to a refuge if she wants to leave but cannot abduct her.

One night here a few years ago, all hell broke loose and it took four officers and a van to get a drug-crazed and violent man away from his partner. She was covered in blood, the walkway was covered in blood, she was taken away in an ambulance screaming how she loved him. He was screaming how he loved her as tge Police carted him off. It was one of the worst incidents in an ongoing violent relationship where she was as much a perpetrator as a victim.

That was at 2 am. By 11 am, they were lying together outside on the grass, all lovey-dovey.

I've had a lot of involvement in DV cases and you have women we're desperate to get into refuge completely outside the area who will not go unless they can take their abuser with them. Other women will be offered new housing to get away from their violent partner and bring their abuser to the viewing with them. Or get an emergency move and then tell him where they're living, rinse and repeat, time after time.:wall:

It's incredibly hard, bordering on impossible, to keep some women safe. I guess it's a form of Stockholm Syndrome. We have women who choose (or allow themselves to be chosen by) an endless string of violent, controlling men. It drives the police, social services and housing depts across the land to despair.

ETA BedsitBob is right. It's believed that at any time, one in four women are suffering violence from a male partner and one in six men from a female partner. This is separate from the risks of women attacking female partners, and men attacking male partners.

It's incredibly difficult for men to admit that they are being abused. I've known cases where it has blown wide open very publically due to the man sustaining life-threatening injuries at the hands of a woman.

It's an extremely uncomfortable subject for a lot of people to think about, no matter who is the victim or the perpetrator. Odds are, we all know someone who is being abused right now, we just don't know we know, in most cases.