Preparedness for when

GreyQueen

The child in question, among other things, executed a complicated plan over a number of weeks which would, but for last minute adult intervention, have killed a younger sibling. Whilst still less than five years old himself. His parents had been frightened of him for a number of years, and with good reason.

There are some very dangerous people in this world.

thriftwizard

Again - things are not always what they seem on the surface. Absolutely agreeing that there are very rare individuals who are mentally normal but just plain evil, like the child GQ describes, but there are also a fair number of children/young adults out there whose behaviour might well cause bystanders to think "parenting failure!" when in reality it's anything but. The young lad over the road is a case in point: a good-looking boy who can speak quite well, but throws terrible tantrums when things don't go as he expects. His parents are quite accustomed to people muttering, "Deserves a good slapping! I blame the parents..." He's autistic. He's just 10 and his parents are black & blue much of the time, from their efforts to restrain him from killing the dog/throwing himself out of the attic window/smashing the french doors, but he can hold it together for long enough in public (as long as nothing untoward happens) for people not to realise what they are suffering at home.

One of mine is also "on the Spectrum" and appears to be a perfectly lovely, intelligent, if somewhat reserved, girl. Until you see her have a meltdown in a shopping centre or supermarket... you'd be thinking, "Well, there's the ultimate spoilt brat!" Although she doesn't get physical, she gets jaw-droppingly rude & has a tendency to run away, quite often straight into danger. It's caused by her brain going into overload; if we're lucky we can spot the signs before she does and steer her to somewhere calmer & safer, usually outdoors. Not all apparent "bad" behaviour - even violence - is a sign of inadequate parenting; the other four of mine, and the other two from over the road, are normal, quite high-achieving kids who wouldn't harm - or even be rude to - a fly.

That said, neither of the young people in question would harm anyone or anything when their brains are functioning at a relatively normal level; they're always horrified by what they've said or done when the storm has passed, and very apologetic. We know they can't help it, and we love them anyway, but society at large can be - usually is - a very harsh judge.

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I must admit I've never come across a male victim - to my knowledge.

But I certainly believe that some men can be victims of it too.

A lot of female abuse is emotional, financial and psychological but some are also physically violent. Whether the victim is male or female, it's really hard to walk away from a relationship when you've been isolated and made to feel useless and totally worthless as a person.

A neighbour's brother has been put in hospital with serious injuries on several occasions as a result of spousal abuse but he comes out with the same old stuff - 'it was my fault, I did something wrong, I know she loves me, if I was better she wouldn't do it'.

RAS

The very sad thing is that probably "she loves me", but that does not stop her being violent.

It is not to do with whether or not someone loves you, it is to do with whether someone is able to control their behaviour.

My GF was beaten badly as a child and only discovered that the man concerned was not his father after he was married himself. He swore he would never hit his own children. He didn't. He hit his wife instead. They had a large family but only twice in private conversation did any of them mention this fact. The rest of the time they idolised him.

I had noticed that whenever some of them got together they always commented on the fact that the absent siblings had married people who were demanding and controlling. Did not matter which combination, the comment was the same.

After being told about their father's domestic violence I realised that they were right mainly. They did not need to actually be beaten; they just needed to see the violence inflicted on their mother to lose their sense of self-worth.

Nearly all were desperately grateful (several actually said this to me) that someone thought enough of them to be prepared to marry them and so they put up with the demands and restrictions imposed by their spouse, regardless of gender.

The one who I think got away was the baby who never lived with his father and had the advantage of more attention for his mother and oldest siblings when the rest of the young ones were evacuated.

moneyistooshorttomention

GreyQueen wrote: »

The child in question, among other things, executed a complicated plan over a number of weeks which would, but for last minute adult intervention, have killed a younger sibling. Whilst still less than five years old himself. His parents had been frightened of him for a number of years, and with good reason.

There are some very dangerous people in this world.

Good gawd! What a little b&&&:eek:

I have certainly been thinking about your comment re Hellcat Kids since you put it up and wondering whether the fact I've read about several of these recently is down to greater publicity that there are ones like it on the one hand or the fact that I believe children these days have LOADS more injections than my own agegroup had when we were that age? Genuine query in my mind on that - as I can (vaguely) recall enough stuff I've read about after-effects of some injections on some children that I would never have allowed any child of mine to have any injections at all (ie in case of side-effects).

I did read an article a bit back that listed off just how many injections the average child has before they even reach school age and thought "Good gawd - the poor little things are being treated like human pincushions:eek: and goodnessonlyknows how all that stuff will react together in a cocktail effect on them".

Karmacat

Mmm, the thing about children and injections makes me wonder. Neighbour of mine about 20 years ago, her 3rd child/3rd father was diagnosed autistic; he literally ripped their furniture apart. I gave them a chest of drawers, and while we were carrying it upstairs, saw a hole in the wall - at 4 years of age, he'd punched through the wall. Bit scary.

A few years later, I was in my back garden pruning a buddleia, and he was on the roof of their single storey bathroom extension. We were chatting away, having a lovely time, no problems at all - then he went to where they stored their own garden tools, got a three feet long garden fork, and aimed it and threw it at me. Luckily I jumped back. He was on ritalin when he went to school (she let the injections lapse at the weekend), and after that they moved away, but I met them a few years later and the ritalin wasn't controlling the violence any more.

Personally I think that genetic damage from the wide ranging drug taking by both parents might well have caused his problems - he literally never had a chance. But I know other children of other heavy drug users, and they're not like that, so ...

It might be that there've always been "outlier" children like that, just as there are always life-changing geniuses. I suspect so, and that like everyone else they can be changed for the better or the worse by their environment.

moneyistooshorttomention

I guess that's the thing though - as in is there scientific research going on into just how many children are Hellcat Children (as opposed to some parents finding such a "diagnosis" convenient for them personally)? With the next thought being the main purpose of the research being to work out the causes of this for those that are this way (regardless of parenting they have).

I'd cynically hazard a guess that there is no genuine research going on on this at all:cool: and that any apparent research is just by drug companies hoping to flog off another new drug on the market:(

Of course - there would need to be checks against children brought up on super-healthy diets and never given injections in order to be able to "tease out" relevant factors as to what the cause is. Hmmm....and that's one set of "comparator" children out then (ie the ones I never had - but they would have been on super-healthy diet and no injections).

That would leave only 2 possibilities - genetic inheritance or "born evil" (which, as someone with my belief in reincarnation, is also a feasible possibility). Genes can leap through several generations or, as I've found myself - can even leap through literally hundreds of years and come through in a descendant over 1,000 years later. I've certainly got a gene that has leapt through many centuries and been an influence.

Frugalsod

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I guess that's the thing though - as in is there scientific research going on into just how many children are Hellcat Children (as opposed to some parents finding such a "diagnosis" convenient for them personally)? With the next thought being the main purpose of the research being to work out the causes of this for those that are this way (regardless of parenting they have).

I'd cynically hazard a guess that there is no genuine research going on on this at all:cool: and that any apparent research is just by drug companies hoping to flog off another new drug on the market:(

Any such research would also be harmful to the sales of the Daily Mail who need a constant stream of things to be afraid of to sell papers.

Also without such streams of future delinquents what would Jeremy Kyle do?

elaine241

Somebody did read the above post and reported it! I dont understand why anyone has to personally attack anyone on this forum and leave such vile comments. Everyone is entitled to their own views, however different to your own!

Nargleblast

Agree with above. If you don't like someone's posts, use the Ignore button. Life is too short to get all het up about someone posting on a social networking site.