He has left me...

Kazzabell80

Also, I would like to add that although I have a condition, I am not incapacitated in any way (that is not to say that one day I won't be, but I am not at the moment). I just have weak upper body strength - so he isn't my carer.

NickyBat

Sorry you are going through this but i have to say i too feel there is someone else the the background.

A man with his own home and family rarely just break it up for no apparent reason, in general men are not too good on their own especially when this is what they have been used to.

Think carefully and take your time,and look after yourself and children.

Suspiria

Op...im so sorry but i agree with the other posters that think there is somone else involved with your oh.

Dexters_Indignation

Dexters_Indignation wrote: »

That is what this site should be about.

I don't wish to sound awful to those offering support but we don't know if there is someone else.

It could even be counterproductive to say there is.

It can be very painful to hear such things and more painful when if acted on, they later turn out to be false.

The OP has been with the guy for 17 years, to be frank in some way he must be a decent guy. If that was not the case It would be easy. Though it is obvious that it is painful.

The OP needs our shoulders and our help, suggesting (Without Knowing) is never a way to lift people when they need it.

Go easy please folks....:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Dexters_Indignation

Kazzabell80 wrote: »

I had completely forgotten about that other post - have just re-read it and am a complete mess once again.

He works as a bouncer at the weekends and has been going out occassionally on a Sunday with some of the guys from work (none of which he has introduced me to). Although he did look me straight in the eye and say that there was no-one else.

I text him (I know I shouldn't have) asking if we can talk and he has just replied saying that we will at some point but he is in work at the moment. I don't want to get my hopes up too much but considering he didn't want to talk yesterday as he didn't see the point, this has to be step in the right direction???

He should speak to you, It is only fair. In fact it's only decent...
But, this time will be hard for him too.

I am hoping he is decent and will talk, though it is not always so easy. It can be hard embarrassing and in some cases hurtful (for both party's) to "have the talk" He may be scared, guilty or just feel a failure for letting you down...

You may have to give him time (Though this is not easy!)

skypie123_2

Op are you ok?
Sending positive thoughts your way
xxx

Tina20

I'm also thinking that there might be someone else. Not trying to worry you further, but trying to prepare you for every eventuality.

As has been mentioned, long term married men with kids don't tend to suddenly abandon their family. And specifically the fact he was so sure he didn't want to talk sets off alarm bells too.
If he really cared about you, even if the love had gone, surely he would be up for talking about it?

The way I'm thinking is, maybe he has met someone but is too ashamed to be an 'adulterer' so is pretending that he wants to leave because there is no more love. That would explain why he was so certain he didn't want to talk.

Anyway, I'm wishing you all the best x

vectra90

Not wanting to sound mean but he sounds like a c#ck.

Not for the fact he has gone to his mums but how hes acting now. Has he not mentioned wanting to see the kids or if he is really gone, any arragements for seeing them and the fact hes upset them is cruel (there is a right way and a wrong way to do things). That would be my first priority.

He'll be back in a few days once he's had his space

busiscoming2

So sad for you OP and I can understand your devastation.

If there is someone else it is much better that he conducts your breakup with dignity. There is nothing worse than someone staying and being resentful, who then ends up treating you like rubbish.

You will survive this and so will your children, it just seems so horrible at the moment.

Kazzabell80

vectra90 wrote: »

Not wanting to sound mean but he sounds like a c#ck.

Not for the fact he has gone to his mums but how hes acting now. Has he not mentioned wanting to see the kids or if he is really gone, any arragements for seeing them and the fact hes upset them is cruel (there is a right way and a wrong way to do things). That would be my first priority.

He'll be back in a few days once he's had his space

He most definately isn't! He is such a decent bloke (one of the very few) and I think that makes it worse.

I don't believe that there is someone else, he has sworn to his Mum and my Dad that there isn't (and me). I suppose when he first left I was automatically thinking the worst and picking up on things that were meaningless. I just think that there has been a massive communications breakdown.

If I think about it, the whole relationship has been quite one sided for some time and I should have picked up on the warning signs and done something about it.

He is seeing the kids tonight. My daughter rang him last night on her mobile and when she asked if they would see him tonight his reply was that it was up to me. I have no problems with him seeing the kids, in fact I want him to for their sake, but I am annoyed that it has come from my daughter and not him asking (and I don't want to suggest as I feel that he needs to make the first contact back with me as he is the one has left).

His Mum normally has them every Wed after school and she is going to hang on to them until he gets home from work (7.30pm).

It is my first day back in work today (on my lunch break) and it is very hard, athough I took something to help me sleep last night as I knew that I wouldn't be able to.

He was on the phone for 1/2 an hour to my Dad last night and my Dad thinks that there is hope and to just hang in there